The Seeker 3,048 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 News flashes Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove. A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related. Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau. 15 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bobcullen79 1,495 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 Holy shit, its like Tim Vine on crack... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sussex 5,777 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 Made me smile ...cheers Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsporthunter 1,864 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 Some good UN's there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yorkshire 151 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 Bang on ..lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 9,157 Posted February 14, 2015 Report Share Posted February 14, 2015 Iraqi roadside repairs. lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 9,157 Posted March 16, 2015 Report Share Posted March 16, 2015 . 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoChara 1,632 Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 News flashes Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.[/size] A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.[/size] Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him. Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary) Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker. Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser! Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford. If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam. They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly. When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau. brilliant Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattyg 1,862 Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 I shall be stealing some of those and passing them off as my own thank you very much. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wi11ow 2,657 Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 9,157 Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 9,157 Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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