Christ! THAT F*cking Hurt!!!

[ianrob 2]

Slightly off subject but very funny. A few years ago, I was treasurer of Gretna Wildfowlers club. These two guys from down South used to come up for Christmas Hols every year and this year was no exeption. They turned up at my door and explained who they were, and after a phonecall we sorted fees and they left. A couple of mornings later after morning flight, I was with an old mate Douggie Ritchie, when they passed, and I remarked about one of them having a full arm plaster cast on. Douggie nearly died laughing, he said do you know what happened, I didn't, so he told me. The guy had been working on his allotment, and was making his way back to his car carrying tools on his shoulder. He had a stone in his welly, so he leaned against an electric pole with his free arm and tried to kick off his welly. His mate following thought he was being electocuted so he hit his arm with his spade. Genuinely true.

[bullet 125]

i was shooting rats one night on a pig farm with a mate, using the lamps on the guns was the only way to see, but my mate went around the back of the pig sheds to see if there was any there, he was walking about four steps ahead of me and i just made out he vanished up to his neck in a pig shit pit , he just stood in it with his gun above his head, it was freezing that night too

needless to say he got out and carried on lamping for rats, down side was it was my motor we used to get there, i was in stitches

Edited November 6, 2007 by bullet

[blackfell 16]

a little bit of thread but here goes

 

 

a few years back a few lads and me had the contract to demolish a few old concrete houses, anyway our first job was to go in and strip out the interiors.

we was working our way through the houses one by one having the craic, ripping out the wood and old carpets etc, most of the places had been sqatted in and the stench was awful, allso watching out for sharps and stuff like that.

got to this one house and the squatters had only just left, so first stop the bathroom to pull out the copper tank, when we got there we couldnt help but notice an enormous turd coiled up in the bath like a royal python, well the fumes comeing off this monster made your eyes water, and the sheer size was unbeliveable to,equivilant to child birth i would estimate.

we argued long and hard on who would go back in and risk there health in faceing the faeces, well the ganger got the short straw to our relief and straightened himself up for the task.

he strode in there and grabbed hold of the louvre doors concealing the water tank, giving the first door an almighty tug which gave way easy enough, then he pulled the other with a sharp tug too,but alas the top hinge gave way first and the door twatted him straight in the face and he fell backwards towards the bath.

he managed to stop himself being consumed by that turd by millimetres, with his arms shaking and trembleing as his strength wained he somehow threw himself from the grips of the monster onto the floor.

 

 

well ive never felt as much pain through laughing in my life

[moley 115]

we it ain,t about pain , but 3 times today , i have had rats exit bait boxes as i picked them up to check them, it certainly gets the heart pumping

[Guest flint]

we it ain,t about pain , but 3 times today , i have had rats exit bait boxes as i picked them up to check them, it certainly gets the heart pumping

out ratting tonight 2 dogs went under a shed laid on me side to give em some lamp and a fekin rat ran over me head

[mole catcher 1]

this was a real pain, a pain in the arse.

 

last night at 11.30 i get a phone call whilst asleep in bed.

 

"" oh hello, ive a bit of a problem with a mole" says person on the phone

" what at 11.30pm?" asks I

" yes, its a real savage begger"' he replies

"" OH REALY?"" now just waking enough to know this is a wind up

"" yes, realy nasty begger, the girlfriend hates it as its a nasty big begger on the side of my my cock"" was his reply

So not wanting to be out done i replyed

 

"" SO, WHICH COCK WOULD THAT BE THEN? THE ONE IN YOU BOYFRIENDS MOUTH OR THE ONE ON YOUR FOREHEAD?""

 

he was obviously on speaker phone as all i heard was a group of lads pi$$ing themselves with laughter

 

The moral of this story is dont have a sign written van stating you offer mole control and dont live near a pub

[T78 4]

not a trapping mishap but fiunny enough to share,i was out shooting on my own one wet night,shot a rabbit at the bottom of a ten foot bank(i was at the top)anyway,went to walk down to get it only it was a bit slippy so forced me into more of a run,anyway at the bottom,my (new) wellys decided enough was enough and we parted company which was bad enough but i then fell and the lamp battery executed a perfect arc,smacking me smartly in the back of the head. i retrieved my rabbit and wellies and walked to the motor,sore head,squelching wellies and a very dirty air rifle!