Bad Or Just Me

[WILF 46,688]

How much of his, his brothers and his sisters life do you suggest he wastes trying to help someone who values them so little ?

[irishnut 297]

wait until he is very drunk/almost wrote off, get a rent boy to touch him up (nothing to serious), he won't be sober enough to run away.

 

this should scare him away from drinking

[Strong Stuff 2,171]

Some good advice there for you mate, was expecting to read much worse

Best you can do imo would be to try and have as little to do with him as possible, sounds like he brings you down, as I'm getting older I'm trying to only keep the company of positive people, this sometimes means feeling harsh but the only person who will protect you is yourself, so do what you've got to do.

Good luck.

[oneredtrim 148]

Lots of people deep down in thier souls don't want the kids they've had, they wont say it cause of the social stigma...though it will sometimes show in an hurry-up game (Kebab-large/small-alchol). Best bet is to pull a takeover Dare, get the fone in your name and ask both parents if your growing sister is eating something better than a kebab for her t.

Edited June 25, 2014 by oneredtrim

[STRANGER 948]

Jeremy Kyle

 

'My dad wouldn't buy my sister a kebab'

 

[RemyBolt 420]

There are some really interesting thoughts going on here. Some advice makes sense, some is urm....well, IrishNutty.

 

I think you are the only person that can really make a decision as to where you want the situation to go, however, it is up to your dad, as you recognise, to want to change.

 

Granted a lot of people drink to forget their problems. However, if a person is better able to embrace life, that is another way to stop them drinking. It's not going to be easy, and it'll be hardest to start with, but it's still doable...depending on your dad.

 

For one, you said how cool he is when he's not drinking. That's what you need to click with. That's when you're best off talking to him, obvioulsy.

 

Alcohol is an addiction, and one that can spiral badly. Exercise is also an addiction and the side effects are not as bad haha. My wife is just breaking out of a 'bad spot' (she's been on anti-depressants for over a year, councilling every week, and it's like being married to Hitler whose been chewing a wasp). The thing is, if I had distanced myself, got a divorce, got away from her as often as possible, avoided her, or something like that......it's really not going to help is it? If she's depressed, and her loving husband tries to keep his distance, that'll look like I hate her, or am having an affair! Not cool!!! Then she'll spiral, it'll get 10 times worse, and she ends up killing herself or something equally bad.

 

The same with your father, if you avoid him, he'll click with that, and things will get worse. Imagine if you're in a hard patch and the next thing you know your family are avoiding you! That'll make things harder for him.

 

Imagine the difference if you got home after work and went up to him and said "Hi dad. Before you start your bottle of wine, I just want to say how much I love you and that I'd love us to spend some time together this weekend. I'm at the age where I can really do with some fatherly advice" or something like that. You know your dad, so you know how best to approach him, but try and get him to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and important. If he feels like the big man of the house, proud of how well he's done with his kids, proud of his wife, and pleased with the family he has, I think his desire to drink-to-forget will be much lower.

 

Maybe say to him that you want to start walking for exercise and you'd love him to come with you. Just the two of you, or as a whole family.

 

If he feels awesome, he's not going to want to drink as much.

 

Ignore him and keep your distance, and you're going to make him spiral.

 

Dote on him and make him feel like superman, and he'll start acting like it.

Edited June 25, 2014 by RemyBolt

[air gun ant 1,666]

There are some really interesting thoughts going on here. Some advice makes sense, some is urm....well, IrishNutty.

 

I think you are the only person that can really make a decision as to where you want the situation to go, however, it is up to your dad, as you recognise, to want to change.

 

Granted a lot of people drink to forget their problems. However, if a person is better able to embrace life, that is another way to stop them drinking. It's not going to be easy, and it'll be hardest to start with, but it's still doable...depending on your dad.

 

For one, you said how cool he is when he's not drinking. That's what you need to click with. That's when you're best off talking to him, obvioulsy.

 

Alcohol is an addiction, and one that can spiral badly. Exercise is also an addiction and the side effects are not as bad haha. My wife is just breaking out of a 'bad spot' (she's been on anti-depressants for over a year, councilling every week, and it's like being married to Hitler whose been chewing a wasp). The thing is, if I had distanced myself, got a divorce, got away from her as often as possible, avoided her, or something like that......it's really not going to help is it? If she's depressed, and her loving husband tries to keep his distance, that'll look like I hate her, or am having an affair! Not cool!!! Then she'll spiral, it'll get 10 times worse, and she ends up killing herself or something equally bad.

 

The same with your father, if you avoid him, he'll click with that, and things will get worse. Imagine if you're in a hard patch and the next thing you know your family are avoiding you! That'll make things harder for him.

 

Imagine the difference if you got home after work and went up to him and said "Hi dad. Before you start your bottle of wine, I just want to say how much I love you and that I'd love us to spend some time together this weekend. I'm at the age where I can really do with some fatherly advice" or something like that. You know your dad, so you know how best to approach him, but try and get him to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and important. If he feels like the big man of the house, proud of how well he's done with his kids, proud of his wife, and pleased with the family he has, I think his desire to drink-to-forget will be much lower.

 

Maybe say to him that you want to start walking for exercise and you'd love him to come with you. Just the two of you, or as a whole family.

 

If he feels awesome, he's not going to want to drink as much.

 

Ignore him and keep your distance, and you're going to make him spiral.

 

Dote on him and make him feel like superman, and he'll start acting like it.

now that's a reply! Good lad remmy

[dare 1,103]

Lol the Jeremy Kyle show my dad wouldn't buy her a kebab. It wasnt the kebab that was the issue its the fact a man had such a problem with having to spend a fiver on feeding his daughter. Weekends my mum will leave her money n go to work. My dad never asks her if she's got any money tbh if I had a kid and even if they had money I'd slip em a tenner and tell em to be good. It's not just about money though when she goes out weekends when my mums at work he never asks her where she's going or anything it's me.

 

Me and my brother are big and ugly enough to just deal with it type thing. We're not all arguing in the house but just used to him being pissed. Just sort of feels like my sister don't actually know our dad. He hasn't always been a drunk and like I said sobber me and him get on better than anyone in the house. Me and him haven't got the sort of relationship where we'd sit down n have a heart to heart though. It'll be more him doing something and next day I tell him his a pisshead and he promises not to drink again for a week. Even though I'm older so not really going to be doing much with my dad, it'll be nice for him to bother with my sister. It'll be nice to bring mates back or my gf and not have to be wondering what state his gonna be in when we get indoors. Funny thing is my dads a pathologist so he knows full well what drinking does to the body he must see it every other day.

 

Anyway good news is I didnt go into work today as I had an interview for another job, one that's full time. Got it and start in 2 weeks this time next year will 100% have the money for a deposit on a place with the gf.

[RemyBolt 420]

Congrats mate. That's awesome.

[lurcherman 887 13,095]

Does he have any hobbies? Friends? Sounds like he going through rough patch

[RemyBolt 420]

The more you can get him out and about, the better he'll end up being.

[unlacedgecko 1,466]

You have had some decent advice from Dixiefried and Stabba......all I would add is, and this is only a personal opinion, don't waste too much time on him otherwise all he is doing is not only using up his life but also your young life and that of your siblings.

Your sister is at a vulnerable time in her life, she need help and encouragement for her school work, she needs a figure to look up to......not some adults problems.

 

You can lead a horse to water mate, but remember, you can't make it drink.

No pun intended

You can drown the cnut in the trough though...

[unlacedgecko 1,466]

Some good advice there for you mate, was expecting to read much worse

 

Best you can do imo would be to try and have as little to do with him as possible, sounds like he brings you down, as I'm getting older I'm trying to only keep the company of positive people, this sometimes means feeling harsh but the only person who will protect you is yourself, so do what you've got to do.

 

Good luck.

Took the birth of my son for me to work this out. Fcuk me I wish I realised it years ago...

[dixiefried 269]

Seen both sides of the Argument....ONE man put out ....ended up in Doss house ..Dry..then Binge..Back out ! went on for years Same cycle..Found DEAD ..in a FLAT ALONE... .

The Other a life long, FUNCTIONING DRUNK..Can a beer in morning to get started ! All round Great GUY to everyone ..Funny as F***k to everyone ..except,a couple of Tired Kids at 2 in the Morning ..Ended up DEAD ,Brain Shrunk ,THROAT CANCER..funny thing was. On his Death BED ..Not a care in the World,said he had a Great life!!

HE did ! I was still holding his hand when he passed away THEY Just didn't see the Shit they left behind ..

One of the Things me an the Wife ,have in Common ,seeing Talented men Waste their time with their Families..

THE MAIN thing is LOOK to sort the Problem of the Drinker ,BUT LOOK after the Rest of the Family first..because they might never get over THEIR Problem..

If your For real..seek Help..If not well maybe someone Else will Benefit ..from some solid advice..

P.S.

There is some RIGHT ass's on hear better of not even putting their finger on the Keyboard ..

[unlacedgecko 1,466]

Alcoholism is an illness not a lifestyle choice.

 

It may start out as a lifestyle choice, but things often develop into more serious problems.

 

People suffering from illness deserve your sympathy, not your scorn.

 

Blood is thicker than water; the fact that he wouldn't spend a fiver on a kebab is neither here nor there; it sounds like the issues run much deeper than that.

 

I'm not in a position to judge anyone, but I'd urge you to try and help rather than look for reasons to escalate the issue.

 

The whole 'addiction is an illness and addicts need our sympathy' thing is something I really struggle with. One of my lecturers at uni said to me 'I've never seen someone suffering cancer suddenly cure themselves of it because their girlfriend has had a baby. Yet many with drink or drug addictions do just that.' Admittedly he was one of the more fascist members of the faculty, but I get his sentiment.

 

Addiction is not something I have personally experienced, so it is something I find very difficult to empathise with. I have had close family members affected. I'm sure one was a borderline/functioning alcoholic, but I just couldn't understand the attraction. Their 'weakness' made me very very angry and I no longer have any contact with them.