To sum it up...

[Scallywag 78]

Having studied various hunting forums for some time now I think I've finally got a grasp of to do and what not to do with a lurcher...

 

1. Get a pup from parents who are proven workers taking 10/10 hares (pre ban of course) and at least 200 rabbits a night.

2. Get a pup which is 3/8ths bull, 5/8th grey, 3/8ths whippet, 4/8ths border collie, 2/8ths beardie, 3/8ths deerhound, 5/8ths saluki, 2/8ths kelpie and anything between 0 and 100% beddlington. Never get anything with poodle in it.

3. It's best to let your pup sleep in your bed. It's also best to let it sleep infront of the fire on a sheepskin rug. Also it's good to keep it in a kennel outside with a run. And no run is good too, as is keeping it on a chain in the yard.

4. It is vital to vaccinate your dog annually, and not to vaccinate it at all and to treat it with homeopathic nosodes although these also don't work.

5. While we're on the subject of health, vets are scandalous rip off merchants so buy antibiotics from blokes down the pub but don't because they might be rubbish and always take your dog straight to the vet if it looks funny, just to be on the safe side.

6. Start to work your dog between 5 months or 2 years or later or earlier than this depending on prey, ground, breeding and star sign. It must retrieve live to hand and also can present prey dead and/or crunched and/or drop it 5 yards away. All of these are fine except when they are unforgivable faults.

7. It's good if your dog will jump so encourage it to do so except also don't because it might injure itself on barbed wire.

8. Give your dog regular exercise. It's also good to keep it locked in a kennel and run so it's raring to go when you take it out to work. It's also good not to have a run because then it'll be really raring to go. But you must also provide a run or it will get bored. Also keep it on a chain or give it free run of your house, both of these are good and/or bad.

AND

9. If your dog opens up, jacks or doesn't retrieve to hand shoot it immediately except if you're going to give it a silk cushion in front of the fire for the rest of its life, which is what any dog man worth his salt would do except for the real dog men who would shoot it pronto.

 

So....I'm looking for a good pup. It must be 25/8ths of everything. I'll be giving it 2 six hour runs a day before and after work up and down ben nevis plus a 25 mile bike ride at lunchtime. It'll otherwise be shut in a dark cupboard to make it keen. I'll feed it on swans and give it a home for life if it doesn't strangle or gut itself on a wire fence first or give my kids a funny look at which point I'll chop it's head off. It'll sleep in my bed on linen sheets or possible on a coil of barbed wire in the freezer to make it hard. Most importantly it needs to be from a dam and sire who are proven workers and take 10/10 dragons blindfolded on a still dry night with a full moon. And you have to give it to me free because only shysters SELL their puppies and all good dog men hand them out free.

 

Think that's about right anyway...........

[Guest SJM]

do you feel better for getting all that off your chest?

[ferret15 0]

sounds like your getting the hang of it

[Bosun11 537]

Ha Ha, thats about the same advice i have found on here too......... Stick with it an you'll have a world beater!!!

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

:clapper: :clapper:

 

 

That has Got To Be one of the Best, most considered and well put over Posts I've Ever read in Any Field Sports forum! If there's a magazine out there worth reading, I'd strongly suggest ye send that one to the Editor.

 

That was absolutely brilliant!

[dogga 1]

[ very very funny post .good imagination scally well done

[marko 30]

nice

[Guest MOLLY]

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Sperb Scally

MOLL.

[lost scouse 46]

you have,nt said what colour or type of coat you require on a dog or bitch

[Merlin Hunter 0]

Very good Scallywag!! You've got it sussed. :clapper:

[Ron Weasley 83]

Hahaha, incredibly funny!!

[Scallywag 78]

you have,nt said what colour or type of coat you require on a dog or bitch

 

I really HAVE learned a lot, so one thing I know for sure is that if a dog does the job you want it to then a) it doesn't matter what it looks like and it'll be beautiful in your eyes anyway!

[skycat 6,173]

Just brilliant: ;that really does sum it up perfectly: no wonder its a minefield for those starting out! :

[ginga john 268]

That should be put into print and used as a guide for all the young u'ns

 

fantastic though, a fecking good read on a sunday morning,

[SONNY 0]

Absolutley spot on