Children's Awkward Questions.

[the_stig 6,614]

one of mine was always saying arse my mum pointed out its bum not arse we were at a wedding reception after the speeches he climbs on his chair and announces its bum not arse gives his self a clap and sits down proud as punch

[pesky1972 5,351]

My mate's 4 year old lad asked a pretty awkward question at a pretty awkward moment once. I'll set the scene...my mate and his wife are both professional people, who get involved in local committees & with various local issues, and actively involved with charities etc. Basically, fine upstanding members of their community.

My mates wife was out the front of the house, in the idyllic little cul-de-sac they live in, chatting with the retired couple who live next door when the little lad comes out and tugs at his mum's sleeve saying "mum...., mum". She shushed him without looking at him and carried on chatting to the neighbours, but could sense that something was wrong.....,both neighbours are now staring in horror at the boy. The lad starts again with "mum, what is this for" and she turns to find him holding a dildo..., and pretty obviously... her dildo. They don't see too much of the neighbours now.

[the_stig 6,614]

my daughter ----- aunty debbie why do your legs rub together is it because your fat

[the_stig 6,614]

my daughter ----- aunty debbie why do your legs rub together is it because your fat

another time sat next to an old lady on a bus and she says dad i can smell poo can you --------------i could as well ----------------------errrrr must be a farm

[Wxm 1,638]

Remember my Dad telling me when I was young we were out at a restaurant and a dwarf walked in and I got all excited, pointing and shouting "Look at the wee man, look at the wee man!!"

 

If that happens to me I will f*****g die.....

was in town last year with my lad must have been 4 / 5 and a dawf was walking about 6 ft away and my lad turns around and says "why's that boy out on his own" lol

[the_stig 6,614]

took a bitch for a mating the dogs owners daughter who was about 7/8 followed us up the garden she says to me are they gonna shag

[Outlaw Pete 2,224]

.....both neighbours are now staring in horror at the boy. The lad starts again with "mum, what is this for" and she turns to find him holding a dildo..., and pretty obviously... her dildo. They don't see too much of the neighbours now.

 

I've waited f**king Years to use this ....!

 

 

[Wullz 408]

Me and the wife were having a lively debate about the operational state of a set of temporary traffic lights.........anyway I drives through and the 'debate' continues.....gets to grannies....walks in and my 3 year old says to granny, 'Hiya granny, that was a f***ing red light by the way!'......oops..

[Themoocher 231]

My misses wee brother is a little city boy don't do fields in fresh air.

Took my dogs down south get few days out while visiting the in laws.

 

Took wee brother out with the dogs for wee mooch at last light he's bout 11year auld.

 

Anyways cut long story short he wouldn't walk through few nettles and jump a fence.

 

Little shite burst out screaming and crying refusing to move.

 

Lost my patients and called him little fanny.

 

He went back home says to his mum called my strange word Iv Neva heard before.

 

Little fanny.

 

Wasn't the flavour of the month that day

Edited April 11, 2014 by Themoocher

[abarrett 462]

 

I was driving down the road with my 5 year old in the car

We where behind a bin wagon when all of a sudden a bloody great dildo flew out of the bin wagon

And hit the windscreen

My little un said what was that

I said it's ok it was a fly

My god she says did you see the size of the cock on it

[Outlaw Pete 2,224]

An oldie, but, a goodie. And I'm enjoying a quiet pint, or ten .....

[offtheradar 175]

We pull up in a car park and as I am getting our 5 year old out a Bentley convertable (not a common occurrence round here) parks in the space next door. Emma cool as you like says in a loud voice " that poor man can't afford a roof". Wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't have a rusting 15 year old pick up

[jf1970 328]

can't remember where I heard this one, but during the recession of the 80's when times were hard and cash was scarce, the mother along with her 3yr old son were out getting the weekly shopping, as I said, money was scarce so she was looking for the bargains so the cash would stretch out a wee bit longer, having not enough money left to buy meat for that nights dinner, being far to proud to ask for tick, she went into the local butcher and asked him "do you have any bones with a bit of meat left on that I can get for the dog " on hearing this, her 3yr old son, all excited, screams out " ooh mammy, are we getting a dog".

[neems 2,406]

My misses wee brother is a little city boy don't do fields in fresh air.

Took my dogs down south get few days out while visiting the in laws.

Took wee brother out with the dogs for wee mooch at last light he's bout 11year auld.

Anyways cut long story short he wouldn't walk through few nettles and jump a fence.

Little shite burst out screaming and crying refusing to move.

Lost my patients and called him little fanny.

He went back home says to his mum called my strange word Iv Neva heard before.

Little fanny.

Wasn't the flavour of the month that day

If hes from any city in this country he'll know exactly what that means.

 

my brother was the same 'mum,what does dick head mean? Jay keeps calling me one and I don't know what it means'

 

Next thing I know I get an unexpected back hand with that little shit stood behind smirking lol

[reaper1064 285]

Few years back taking my son and his two mates to the pictures for his birthday, and clocks the following question from one to the other of his mates. "do willies haves bones in them 'cause mine goes hard in the morning" nearly crashed the feckin' car.