the_stig 6,614 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 i went out with the daughter of a scrap --skip hire company owner they had a big house on the edge of the village and they were loaded he owned race horses i remember one was called merchant prince 1970s -- i dropped her off one night in my little mini and reversed into the old mans jag she said dont worry i`ll tell him i went home and he rang and said you fooking thick kunt dont ever come round here again ---i never did and never saw her again ..... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Lol,,, how long did you stand there watching? long enough to have a quick look went out and had a few beers a few hours later there fooking head boards banging before breakfast next morning that afternoon later that night --no wonder the kunt slept all the way home while i`m doing the driving Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post socks 32,253 Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I was on a six week stint down in Armagh when I was based in Londonderry and I had the worst case of piles the world has ever seen I could only just move because of the fukcing coconuts I had hanging out of my arse hole ... Every shit was like having acid poured on my hoop ... Anyway I had tried to get hold of the doc who was up in Londonderry ... He was a cracking bloke fresh out of doctor school a rugby player and piss head and although an officer he was one of the boys ... About two days later I got called to the ops room with a message the doc wanted to speak to me ... I shuffled my bleeding and chapped arse up there and was pointed to a phone ..... I picked the phone up and knowing the doc was a good lad I when t in to one along the lines of .... Fukc me doc where have you been my arse hole looks like a grenade has gone off up there .. There's bits hanging out like a ninety year old prostitutes flange ... Every time I take a shit I feel like I am being dry fukced by a donkey and my shitter bleeds like a gutted pig ... I have never seen grapes as big as these their like a fukcing baboons balls ... For fucks sake doc you need to sort this out I can't even have a decent tug because of the pain ..... There was a short pause before I heard ...... This is Janet the receptionist I will put you through to the doctor ..... 24 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Pmsl cracken Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skinner 348 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 muffing a lass that had sh ,,ts Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,121 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 When I was younger went back to this older things flat, so there I was, arse like a fiddlers elbow at an Irish wedding when the room light flicks on, without even loosing momentum I ask "who the fucks that?" To which she replied "my husband, it's alright we're separated though!" I was out there sharpish to say the least!! Another one wasn't separated from her husband and I had to vacate the premises via the first floor window, naked and went over on my ankle and had to run/limp up the road naked, a police car stopped and said "see by the time we go up that road and back again, have your clothes on so we don't have to lift ye!" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BIGLURKS 874 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 I can see this thread being a good one with stories like these imagine getting the lot of you in the pub one night the shit use lot would come out with would have me in stitches all night 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 When I was younger went back to this older things flat, so there I was, arse like a fiddlers elbow at an Irish wedding when the room light flicks on, without even loosing momentum I ask "who the fucks that?" To which she replied "my husband, it's alright we're separated though!" I was out there sharpish to say the least!! Another one wasn't separated from her husband and I had to vacate the premises via the first floor window, naked and went over on my ankle and had to run/limp up the road naked, a police car stopped and said "see by the time we go up that road and back again, have your clothes on so we don't have to lift ye!" classy birds though eh ya should of turned round and said WHST like min and kept on ka inn lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 I mind years ago pulled this bird she went to the toilet and climbed oot the window lol lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R.A.W 1,987 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 some crackers gents Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 This is another story I have put on here befor,,, it happened to a good friend of mine an ozy lad I lived and worked with in ibiza.... So my mates took one if the pr girls back to the flat at the end of the night,,, he's gone down on her and felt something with his tongue that wasn't labia,,,clitoris or even hair,,, something artificial ,,, he has a closer look and pulls out a condom,,, So we ask him what he did next,,,, and with typical ozy pride he replied ,,, I chucked it to one side and carried on... By Christ that poor lass got some stick off us lot for months,,,, it turned out she had sex about 4 days earlier,,, and she hadn't noticed the codom had come off and was still up there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nik_B 3,790 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Tomo Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BIGLURKS 874 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Got abit of a funny one while working on some cattle stations in Australia I decided too take a break and go do abit of traveling well I found my self in a hostel up near cairns a prtty big hostel were all the backpackers were working on banana farms this little place had a kinda bar nightclub at the front end were well after sat drinking with a couple of Irish lads a bottle of Jameson's appeared well after the 4 jugs of beer that I had sunk and the whiskey I was too well put pished well as the night progressed this little blonde haired Swedish girl was feeling me up too my liking under the table and well was not exactly sober her self after much f***ing about we made it back too my room were I just jump on bed stark naked certanly up too no challenging of shagging this bird much too her disgust she jumps in the bed fully clothed trying too get me going while iam still sleeping the affects of the booze off well after a few hours iam woking up bye the girl getting out of my bed much too my amusement she had not seen me wake too see her at the end of the bed striping off as much as I was liking seing her sexy body disrobe came my disgust as she stood there naked squating down in the corner of the room and taking the biggest sizzling pish followed bye wiping her self off with her tights then too jump back in bed and fall asleep with me wide awake in wondering in what the f**k is going on dam near speechless about 10 mins later my voice comes back and iam saying what were you playing at for her too wake up and f**k me senseless due too my disgust I dint say no till about 11 in the morning then she tried too acuse me of pissing in the corner on her clothes 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,121 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Remember pulling this bird years ago, bought her drinks all night, taxi back to hers, in we go and getting frisky when she informs me the painters are in, well just finishing really. Me being a clarty wee b*****d persuaded her we could get it on anyway, so strip down and I pull the wee bloody mouse out and lob it in the corner. Get down to business and it was fine tbh, morning comes and I go to leave, it's then I notice she has this wee Yorkie dog lying in the hall, chewing on something I then look closer and see a string hanging out its mouth......... 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Remember pulling this bird years ago, bought her drinks all night, taxi back to hers, in we go and getting frisky when she informs me the painters are in, well just finishing really. Me being a clarty wee b*****d persuaded her we could get it on anyway, so strip down and I pull the wee bloody mouse out and lob it in the corner. Get down to business and it was fine tbh, morning comes and I go to leave, it's then I notice she has this wee Yorkie dog lying in the hall, chewing on something I then look closer and see a string hanging out its mouth.........lol it was fine to be honest lol not that it would have felt any different ya CLARTY c**t PMSL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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