joe54 83 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 lets here some Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,576 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Some b*****d sent me to the wrong game fair once gggrrrrr 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Pumpin this bird tidy bit of gear next week I meet her out she says let's go to my place letham grange houses 300 grand and up words any way went back to her house in her kitchen makin a cup o tea with her,and her husband comes through the door from off shore early he must have thought she was up to something going out all the time ?, this guy was honestly 6 feet od so he walks in and shouts out my house i just stood there he shouts again out my f****n house this place is like 3 miles out if town so I asked him if I can phone a taxi ?ended up walking ? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Me and the mate out poaching white hares when we were both 17. We were in his car, can't mind the make, hatchback think it was a fiesta, he had that many bangers back then lol. 2 of us, 2 dogs in the backseat, away we goes to this land that was red hot. The idea was to lamp from the road, it was a single track road cutting through the hills with a good 10 miles of prime white hare country. Problem was you had to come back the same road and the keepers house was at the start of it. Anyhow, we are driving along the road, I'm lamping out the window, clocks a whitie, game on. We stop, leave the car running, jump out with his dog, it was first, shuts mine in the car, all good. Lamp on, hare up, dogs off.... Cracking run, dog bending it like a good in, all the while my dogs acting like hound of the Baskervilles, howling, bouncing from seat to seat, front to back, cars rocking. Mates dog gets the hare, nice one, back to the car, goes to open drivers door to put his dog in and its locked. I got to the passenger door, it's locked too!!! Cars sitting ticking over, keys in the ignition, my dog staring at me.... The daft b*****d with all his jumping about had pressed the buttons down on the doors!!! Here we are, car sitting on the middle of the road, red hot territory, us with a dog and hare and locked out. It probably was only a matter of a minute of sheer panick but it felt like half an hour before we had the sense to try the boot, thankfully it opened 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I posted this on the breaking to sheep thred... I once owned a smart smooth black dog, Mick, of a similar stamp to Nuttall's original Miner. Always been 100% with mutton when I was around, even off a lead, totally ignored 'em and decent enough underground, though he did let himself down twice buy humping fresh air after sniffing near season bitches and wanting to go up one hole rather than down another..! Anyways, up the Lakes one summers day with a new girlfriend, Kirkby-Lonsdale to be exact and after boring her senseless about a bloke called Cyril Breay (all out of Plummers Fell terrier book!), who used to live there, we'd got a bit of lunch from the village and as it was a hot day, walked to the park next to Devils Bridge to look at the loons jumping off into the pools of the boulder strewn river Lune (that wasn't supposed to rhyme!). Lovely spot on the bench, all fenced in too, except for the wide enough river, so I let Mick off to have a sniff around as a fresh wave of nutters went flying. After being totally engrossed for about 10 mins I thought where's that bloody dog, because he never goes far? So I took off to find him... What I did find was that the park was longer than I first thought, much longer. What i also noticed was that it also contained sheep and the further i got, more and more sheep. Along the river bank I trotted until I came upon a line of Kagool wearing folk, looking a bit angry. "Anyone seen a little black dog" I asked almost nervous? "Yes", came a stern reply, "Its down there in the river, killing a sheep"..!!! I ran as fast as I could, past other orange and yellow clad folk, all seemingly with a face of disgust, muttering about Scouse idiots with loose dogs and poor 'ol sheep.. And then I saw them, out in the river, between boulders, a sheep in full fleece, struggling against both the water and the terrier, standing square on its back, biting down as hard as it could..!! I ran right in and scruffed the little fecker but the sheep went into more of a panic and tried to head out further and was on its way under, I grabbed a horn and held on but the critter was struggling and also, because of that wet fleece weighed a ton! I needed two hands for this, so I flung Mick with one hand as far as I could into deep water and started to pull the sheep shallower. It was still some bloody effort and by then a small crowd had gathered on the bank to watch the carnage. Boy was it embarrassing but it was about to get a whole lot worse...! I was waist deep but making good headway with the sheep and thinking it's all under control but just then Mick arrived back and before I could grab him latched back onto the sheep's shoulder, twisting and pulling as a dog does in water. I scruffed the dog off again but now with only one hand I was about to loose the sheep, which was still trying to go the opposite way. The little fecker was going apeshit for the sheep and I totally panicked and done the only thing I could think of to stop the screaming and wriggling dog... I butted him...!!!!! Thankfully, I didn't really connect, bit difficult to in that situation! In hindsight, not the best, nor most subtle course of action either, very wrong and in front of a crowd but It did produce the right result, the dog calmed down and I got them both to safety, (not that I was gonna get any applause for this one.!). The crowd was dispersing as we got to the bank and I checked the sheep over quickly, it was unharmed, that thick wet fleece may have seen it go under the water but saved it from the dogs jaws. Thank feck for that! Mick was ok too but gave me that cock eyed' sideways look as he went back on a lead. My girlfriend looked both confused and shocked when we returned to the bench soaking wet, she'd been there all the time, with her food and the bridge jumpers to keep her entertained. She thought I'd jumped and she'd missed it..! I told her 'some' of the tale on the way home, i was too embarrassed to tell all.... I wonder what Mr Breay would have made if it...! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I have posted this befor on a similar thread last year,,, so my apologies to those that have read it,, but it's funny and worth repeating.. This happened about 14 year ago.. My then girlfriend found out I had been cheating on her,,,, she phoned me,, and asked me to come round to her house and bring my spare key for her house,,, I got to her house and she's standing outside,,,,, she starts ranting and raving,, and tells me to get in the house,,, wich I do because we're causing a scean,,, as I walk through the door she takes my spare key off me,,, and locks the door behind me,,, bollox, I didn't see that coming ,,, So inside it's much of the same her ranting at me,, and her hitting me ect,,, I except all this cos honestly I deserved it,,,any way without any warning she goes in to cupboard under the stairs, and gets out a can of petrol,, and starts splashing it all over me,,,,I'm shouting what the feck you doing ,,, with that she gets out a lighter,,,,at this point my arse is squeeking a tad As she's waving this lighter in front of me,, I'm trying to work out what to do,,,the only thing I can think is grab her arms wich I do,,, and it pin them to her sides,,, she's screaming at me that I'm hurting her wrists,,, I'm screaming at her for the key wich is still in her hands along with the lighter,,, luckily after a few moments she drops the key,,, I'm now working out if a can pick it up and make for the door, befor she sparks the lighter,,, So I go for it and ,,,, and luckily I am now here telling this crazy story 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Fecking hell Tomo, where's the humor in that... I'd have shat meself..! Good tale though! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Brilliant that bosun,,lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Fecking hell Tomo, where's the humor in that... I'd have shat meself..! Good tale though! Yeh I was mate,,I was shitting it a little,,lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I thought it was funny tomo Bosun Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) loads of things i could post ---this is one i`ve not posted before---- the mrs was expecting our first we`d headed off to conway in wales for a few days break found a nice b n b went off to spend the day having a wonder about round llandudno after a few hours she`d had enough and headed back to the van a red morris marina van while i finished up the shopping --- i headed to the car park no sign of her so i walk across the car park and theres she sat in the passenger seat of a burgundy morris marina van ...i`m locking it back up when the owner comes back took a bit of explaining ... Edited January 17, 2014 by the_stig 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Like that one stigy,,,, Herd of a few lads that have been court poaching ,,, cos there dog has jumped in the open door of a police car Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Like that one stigy,,,, Herd of a few lads that have been court poaching ,,, cos there dog has jumped in the open door of a police car we went away to blackpool with some friends the landlady showed us our rooms i put my case down popped next door to see if my mates room was ok -----his mrs bent over an armchair and he`s stuck up her going like a greyhound this was all within about 2 mins of getting the room 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 26,621 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Lol,,, how long did you stand there watching? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Lol,,, how long did you stand there watching? Stig your answer should be, 'till he invited me in or he finished...! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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