Great Joke ....!

[rough dog 333]

_{After 28 years my wife still goes nuts if I use her toothbrush !!}

 

 

 

 

 

_{so if anyone knows a better way of getting dog shit out of trainers just let me know !!}

[gnipper 6,546]

The Philippine government have thanked the British government for the rescue dogs they sent after the recent hurricane, they said they were delicious.

[pie-eater 377]

Oi you bushes over there why are you queing? Oh I beg your pardon your a hedge.

Ill get my coat.

[ArchieHood 3,692]

My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "A Crows shop!"

I said, "OK, I might pop down for a Rook."

[rough dog 333]

my mate was depressed so he phoned the Samaritans ,he felt a bit better after the phone call so he phoned them again the following day

 

and felt better again......he phoned every day for a month until he felt back to normal !

 

then at the end of the month he saw his phone bill and killed himself

[pie-eater 377]

Have you heard about the dyslexic with Tourette syndrome? He goes around shouting, "This! This! This!"

[pip1968 2,490]

My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

 

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

 

He said, "A Crows shop!"

 

I said, "OK, I might pop down for a Rook."

paulus put that on in his status up date last week

[marky b 309]

Wanna see a joke turn itv now

[CBdogsA1 420]

An Irish man and Polish man apply for a job in a guiness factory.

After looking at their papers and speaking to both of them the HR bod said it was not easy to split them and would they mind answering 20 questions.

After the questions they were told that the Polish guy had got the job.

The Irish guy was fuming, explaining it should have been him as he was local, Irish and it was for guiness.

Well I'm sorry but after the questions it was 19 all and it came down to the one you both got wrong they were told.

On the one you both got wrong the Polish guy wrote, Sorry, I don't know the answer, and you wrote neither do I.

[mintstick999 485]

Paddy and Murphy have been fishing for hours without a bite I've got an idea says paddy lets find a bridge you can hold me legs and when a fish swims by I can grab it good idea says Murphy. A while later they find a bridge right hold me legs says paddy as he goes over. About twenty minutes later paddy shouts pull me up pull me up. Av ya got one shouts Murphy. No says paddy theres a fecking train coming

 

 

that's a classic.

[STRANGER 948]

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.


Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and

ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'

Operator: 'What is your location sir?'



Paddy: 'Outside number tirty tree Eucalyptus Street .'

Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'

Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.

Operator: 'Are you there sir?'



More heavy breathing and another minute later.

Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'

This goes on for another few minutes until....

Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'



Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just

dragged him round to number tree Oak Street .'

[STRANGER 948]

German guy approaches a prostitute and says, ' I vish to buy sex vit you'

'OK' says the girl, 'I'll charge 100 Euros an hour'

'Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky'

'No problem' she replies cautiously, 'I can do a little kinky'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

'I vant you to tie ze springs to your handz und kneez.' The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

'Now pleez you vill get on your handz and kneez.' She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

'You vill please blow zis duck caller as I make love to you.' She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic. The energetic German bounces her all over the room, all the time with herhonking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath. Finally she gasps 'That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?'

......................................





'Ah', says the German, 'Four-sprung duck technique'

[STRANGER 948]

I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.

Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she love Alan, my best mate....

[STRANGER 948]

A fairy story.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No!!!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to strip bars and dated women half his age and drank whisky, beer and Captain Morgans and never heard bitching and never paid child support and kept his house and golf clubs and ate spam and chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The End

[rough dog 333]

My mate had a problem with one of his sons swearing so he asked me for my advice, I told him next time he swears give him a good hiding that should cure him.

 

Next morning his boy came down stairs and was asked what he wanted for breakfast.... I`ll have some fecking cornflakes he said .............so he gave him a damn good hiding.

 

five minutes later his brother came down and my mate asked him what he wanted for breakfast ... "well" he said " I don't want fecking cornflakes "