LaraCroft 863 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 19:13, Ray Mears said: you have a pm The hat doesn't do you justice Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RubyTex 1,957 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 18:26, socks said: A mate of mine whilst serving in Hong Kong managed to get a date with one of the English diplomats daughter who was a real stunner but real posh .... Anyway up he goes to Stanley to this massive building built into the cliff and overlooking the harbour ... Everything was going brilliantly and he was bluffing his way through the meal like a pro ... He was doing his best to hold it back but really needed a shit so he made his excuses and retired to the toilet had a his shit and was chuffed there was no smell and was chuffed he had only been a minuet and could have bluffed it was only a piss ... He tried to flush the toilet and nothing happened he lifted the cistern top tried all he could but couldn't get it to work ... He was panicking now and couldn't go back downstairs and tell the upper class family I have had a shit but can't flush the toilet lol ..... So being on a cliff face he thought f**k it opened the window fished out the turd and threw it as hard as he could ... Ge fished out the big paper squeezed it dry and put it in the bin ... He washed his hands composed himself and sauntered back to the meal happy to have got away with it ... He sat down and tried to make some small talk but everybody was just staring at him saying nothing ... He thought it was very strange until the diplomat father pointed his eyes upwards and my mate looked up to see he turd slowly sliding down the glass roof .... He just got up and without a word left lol .......... Ran out of likes, that is amazing :laugh: can just imagine the look on his face when he saw the turd bet he pissed himself all the way home. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ray Mears 272 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 19:16, LaraCroft said: On 10/01/2013 at 19:13, Ray Mears said: you have a pm The hat doesn't do you justice its the body that does it for me baby Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whippet 99 2,613 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 12:16, RubyTex said: Bit bored browsing and saw the Buttercup situation, thought has anyone ever been on a dodgy date? One where you pretended to go to the toilet then jumped out the tiny bathroom window because you realised you'd actually taken a troll on a date, or got smashed and covered her in your own vom, kind of thing... RT used to play rugby with identicle twins ........................one bring bird back ,.shag her go for piss and then the fresh one would go in hell for leather,...............stallion lollove to of done that ............spoof who goes first job done............. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LaraCroft 863 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 19:32, Ray Mears said: On 10/01/2013 at 19:16, LaraCroft said: On 10/01/2013 at 19:13, Ray Mears said: you have a pm The hat doesn't do you justice its the body that does it for me baby What can I say from your pic ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 10,013 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 15:58, lanesra said: Me and a mate where out one Friday , ended up with 2 women , thought (as you do when your 18) WHERE IN HERE So we take them for a Chinese at the end off the night , where sat round the table enjoying our Banquet when 1 off them disappears then comes back to Imform us her Dad is picking the 2 off them up in half an hour she had rang him from the pay phone . . They go to the Loo and my mate says "Fukc This , If There Old Man Is Picking Them Up He Can Pick The Bill Up As Well" . . And up and away we went . . Thinking back that was bad news but funny at the time , I wonder how they explained that to him ? good, been chased out of few of them as well, when i forgot i had no money on me. its hard to run with full belly+ 6 pints of lager 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GRAM71 29 Posted January 10, 2013 Report Share Posted January 10, 2013 never had a really bad one, but a few were less than pleasant, ex boyfriends lurking outside the pub or restaurant, one ex husband i had to persuade to leave the woman alone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 that's a belter socks I've had my fair share of moments, ill put one up the now, 18+ only lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 18+ In the mates house, I was about 19, me the mate and a mate of his all drinking the vino and smoking. In comes the mates wife from the bingo with a pal I'd never seen before. Proper munter, to put you in the picture, she had no front top teeth but what a pair of tits, I'm talking f*****g massive. She was wearing those tight stone wash jeans I f*****g hated and a white blouse that was seriously struggling to hold these fuckers in, I'm talking mitre size me and the mates are on the couch swallying away, I've had a bottle and umpteen spliffs she is sitting on the seat across to the right. I start getting the craic going with her, mates sniggering like school boys lol. After 10 minutes I'm rolling one, as I'm burning it in I feel some c**t squeezing in next to me.... It's the f*****g munter!!! Keeping the patter going, I'm elbowing her in the tits and she's loving it.... Mates all pissing themselves but she either didn't care or wasn't bothered, turned out it was the latter. She disappears into the kitchen with the mates wife, they both reappear saying walk her home it's dark. I'm like f**k off she only stays a couple streets away but the mates are giving it, walk the lassy home.... After a struggle I say fine, but she heads for the back door that leads onto football pitches. I bolts back in followed by the munter and mates wife legging it after me. I grabs the coffee table leg as they are dragging me back, mates in stitches now trying to pull my fingers free (b*****ds) I finally get dragged out the house, bearing in mind I've a long term girlfriend and the munters married with 2 kids!!! We heads up this muddy path, munter says stop here.... She starts fondling me and trying to kiss errr suck the face off me. I'm like f**k it, I'm into these tits she whispers in my ear, you can cum inside me, I know how not to get pregnant. I'm scared to slip the hand incase this things got a cock and she wants me to ride it!!!! Does she think im radio rental Alarm bells ringing I pretended to hear a noise... That'll be your husband looking for you, I'm off and made my escape Another time laying on another mates couch, buzzing out of our tits. I'm still with same girlfriend, mates on the seat rolling one, both just watching the Telly. Mates girlfriends pal comes to the door looking for her, she never chapped just walked straight in. Explained she wasn't in so she says to me, shift over. I goes to get up but she just lay in front of me so I was spooning her this one was fine and we both knew each other. I knew she done a bit so I starts kissing the back of her neck, she's responding..... So I slip my hand up the front of her top.... The mates pretending to watch the Telly through his fingers pmsl. After a good rummage she turns to face me, I'm thinking yes, we're in!!!! She starts kissing me then says, what we gonna tell your girlfriend? I'm like, eh, what you mean. She's like, about us!!! I'm like wow, there is no us..... Sat up got the cold shoulder for the rest of the night story of my life, the munters want rode into the quick no questions asked, the nice ones want a f*****g ring I've got another belter but my thumbs f*****g sore 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 27,407 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 On 10/01/2013 at 18:26, socks said: A mate of mine whilst serving in Hong Kong managed to get a date with one of the English diplomats daughter who was a real stunner but real posh .... Anyway up he goes to Stanley to this massive building built into the cliff and overlooking the harbour ... Everything was going brilliantly and he was bluffing his way through the meal like a pro ... He was doing his best to hold it back but really needed a shit so he made his excuses and retired to the toilet had a his shit and was chuffed there was no smell and was chuffed he had only been a minuet and could have bluffed it was only a piss ... He tried to flush the toilet and nothing happened he lifted the cistern top tried all he could but couldn't get it to work ... He was panicking now and couldn't go back downstairs and tell the upper class family I have had a shit but can't flush the toilet lol ..... So being on a cliff face he thought f**k it opened the window fished out the turd and threw it as hard as he could ... Ge fished out the big paper squeezed it dry and put it in the bin ... He washed his hands composed himself and sauntered back to the meal happy to have got away with it ... He sat down and tried to make some small talk but everybody was just staring at him saying nothing ... He thought it was very strange until the diplomat father pointed his eyes upwards and my mate looked up to see he turd slowly sliding down the glass roof .... He just got up and without a word left lol .......... Love it when they say ,,,, "a mate of mine". Yeh ok....lol. Cracking story though Quote Link to post Share on other sites
socks 32,253 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Lol it was honestly ..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RubyTex 1,957 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 On 11/01/2013 at 06:53, baw said: Another time laying on another mates couch, buzzing out of our tits. I'm still with same girlfriend, mates on the seat rolling one, both just watching the Telly. Mates girlfriends pal comes to the door looking for her, she never chapped just walked straight in. Explained she wasn't in so she says to me, shift over. I goes to get up but she just lay in front of me so I was spooning her this one was fine and we both knew each other. I knew she done a bit so I starts kissing the back of her neck, she's responding..... So I slip my hand up the front of her top.... The mates pretending to watch the Telly through his fingers pmsl. After a good rummage she turns to face me, I'm thinking yes, we're in!!!! She starts kissing me then says, what we gonna tell your girlfriend? I'm like, eh, what you mean. She's like, about us!!! I'm like wow, there is no us..... Sat up got the cold shoulder for the rest of the night story of my life, the munters want rode into the quick no questions asked, the nice ones want a f*****g ring I've got another belter but my thumbs f*****g sore You're off your tits you baw i love it :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 f**k it, life's for living Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnc. 36 Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 [/quoteYou watching too much podge and rodge socks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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