dytkos 17,863 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I've designed some three quarter length baby wear for black babies. They're called kneegrows Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?" Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint." Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same." Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog." I was feeling down earlier so I dipped my Muslim friend in bleach, I thought I'd try to lighten Mahmood.. Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when You're drunk", husband says "thats not true....... sometimes i want a kebab" My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird. I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails. A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve" Pupil: "But Miss, my mummy & daddy said we came from the apes." Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your lot." I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great! She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating. Why is it whenever you see a fit blonde eating a banana you think of a porn film but when you see a black women eating a banana you think of the discovery channel. A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive... shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it.... about 20mins later he gets another call..done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out . They said they were delicious! The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked? "The one where you shut it up and go to sleep!" A geordie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in Japan Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?" "No," he replies, "Newcastle" "What State's that in?" asks the Yank. "Pretty much the same as this place! An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstacy have been found behind the Job Centre in Liverpool. The locals are said to be in a state of shock........; They had no idea they had a job centre! Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship... she replied , "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!" Cheers, D. I.doc 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,529 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j j m 6,583 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 very Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chris k 205 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 :lol: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,588 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I love your sense of humour , I bet your lots of fun on a date , not that I,m hinting or anything . Buttercupx 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
graham4877 1,181 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
steve66 3,634 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) :laugh: While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge." she responded. Edited January 3, 2013 by steve66 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I love your sense of humour , I bet your lots of fun on a date , not that I,m hinting or anything . Buttercupx your ex husbands aren't in your freezer by any chance :laugh: 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I love your sense of humour , I bet your lots of fun on a date , not that I,m hinting or anything . Buttercupx your ex husbands aren't in your freezer by any chance :laugh: Youd better take a jersey when you visit then... Lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,863 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I love your sense of humour , I bet your lots of fun on a date , not that I,m hinting or anything . Buttercupx Sorry sweetie, I've enough with one woman Try Lab or TB, they're usually desperate Cheers, D. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I love your sense of humour , I bet your lots of fun on a date , not that I,m hinting or anything . Buttercupx Sorry sweetie, I've enough with one woman Try Lab or TB, they're usually deperate Cheers, D. Don't you think desperate is a bit of an understatement? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'm not desperate, far from actually. But if your bored then call me...:-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,588 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'm not desperate, far from actually. But if your bored then call me...:-) Pm me your number , Paul said you,d be up for some fun . Buttercupx 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RubyTex 1,957 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'm not desperate, far from actually. But if your bored then call me...:-) You'd shag out you!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,863 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm not desperate, far from actually. But if your bored then call me...:-) You'd shag out you!!! Pulse or not Cheers, D. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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