A Christmas tale......

[undisputed 1,664]

Whin spoke for about 20mins and everyone fell asleep, giving him time to dip their pockets and nobble their jukels, before slipping back into the rapidly decending mist he left a wee steaming pressie in baws tent.

[johnny boy68 11,726]

There was an eerie sound to the wind it almost sounded like "bawwwwwwwww, bawwwwwwww !!" Just then the intrepid leader Stanley went to his knees in tears mumbling "We're doomed baw, you've brought us to hell !" Just then the rest of the ant hill mob noticed what had thier Herculian leader reduced to a sniveling wreck ! On the horizon stood the HOUND FROM HELL !!!

[lanesra 3,994]

When they woke they decided to head to the nearest town for supplies and take stock off there next move , when they entered the village the people where surrounding Gnasher and "Singing" to him. . . . Then Lab realised what was happening . . . He'd remembered Gnashers pic as a kid and how he looked like a Young (very angry) Simon Cowell , the villagers thought it was the Panel off X Factor . . . Malt was mistaken for Louis Walsh which pissed Lab off as the "Only Gay In The Village" only had eyes for Malt , they where treated as hero's especially Skycat and Lab as they Thought they where Susan Boyle and Rylan . . . Yep they thought Lab was Susan Boyle . . . .

[skycat 6,173]

"The hills are alive, with the sound of music" ........... oh, sorry, that was Julie Andrews............. Can't I be Judi Dench instead, and I'll play the part of Skycat who fell from the sky in Skyfall and converted Baw to Salukis

[baw 4,360]

some seriously f****d up deranged folk on here, I love it

 

The demon saluki let out a howl, and started running towards them. Being an animal of little intelligence it ran straight past them and disappeared into the distance..... It ran that slow, baw managed to give it several kicks to the haw maws as it passed.....

 

As leaders go, Stan was up there with the very worst. Stick to licking cow pats Stan, baw said to him as he stood with the sun behind him making him look godly.... Skycat ripped open her T shirt and swooned at baws feet pleading for him to take her now..... No time (the now :laugh; ) said baw as he picked her up kopping a feel... we've wasted enough time and only have 3 more sleeps till Christmas and a lot of ground to make up.

 

Rejected, Stan retreated to the back of the guys, connecting a deft right hook to rfyl's chin on the way past. The groups rather large now thought baw, we'd better split up. All those looking for the missing saluki go one way and those heading to fortwilliam come with me. I'm going with you declared skycat, her ample naked bosom heaving in the breeze. f**k the saluki, they're for posers and c**ts that like shows. I've always thought they were a shite breed she announced.

 

Ok said baw, me, skycat, lab, tomo, Stan, paid, gnasher, malt and bendrover.... Bendrover, where the f**k did you come from? Ack, me and wilf were shagging her that carries all the water when out with the dogs, canny mind her name, was going out with Billy, think it was flo :laugh; wilfs still on her the now.... Sounds of are you in yet??? wafted in the breeze.... Good to see you old mucker. So that leaves whin, ideation, scothunter, rfyl, johnnyboy to go the other way. Are we f**k they said unanimously, are we f**k going with whin, we are going with you guys. Whin not to be put out said, suits me fine, c**ts just hold me back anyway. I've got lobster posts need checked and salmon needing gaffed, you can all f**k off and take turns on skycat for all I care.

 

Whin marched away leaving the motley crew alone waiting on wilf to finish what he was doing. That's me done flo, I'm heading with the guys to fortwilliam. Aye well f**k off then said flo and I'm glad your heading to somewhere that has a Willie cos your half inch tadger done nothing for me. Labs cords bulged thinking of wilfs Willie. Stan slapped rfyl just for the sake of it.

 

They covered plenty of ground, skycat still topless with johnnyboy drooling over her. Soon be dark again, good job we got provisions. We will stop and camp on rannoch moor. They made the tents and were about to get the food but the food was gone. WTF, who eat all the food? Tomo looked sheepish. Did you tomo, eat all the chicken? Hell no cried tomo, I'm a veggie. What you do with it then? Well..... When I went for a shit earlier, I stumbled on some fox cubs. They were so cute and looked hungry..... I fed them our rations.....

 

 

(If I've missed anyone out sorry, but the teams getting big lol)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[baw 4,360]

Just minded rake about who else?

[asanley 1,009]

Ethyl

[baw 4,360]

Starving they made the two tents, baw and skycat retreated to his for a couple of hours leaving the others to the 3 man tent. Not tired and no one to shag apart from lab, they set about finding food. Somehow rfyl and Stan got teamed up. As they scoured the moor looking for signs of deer they came across a shallow burn. The water upto stans knees he wading cross it, his chinos waterproof from the multi layers of cow shit on them. He looked back and saw rfyl doing the doggy paddle. Treading water rfyl screamed, what you doing? Stan was holding a large boulder over his head, nothing he replied, looking for worms to fish. Rfyl laughed at him, I've took guys to this stream when I was a river guide, worms are no good here. Stan refrained from dropping the boulder on his head.

 

Meanwhile wilf and lab holding hands, heard a funny bleating noise. Puzzled, they searched out the sound and found malt enticing sheep in. Good man they said, could go a nice chop. Your not eating my Mabel malt protested. She is coming back to the tent with me. Do you think you's and baw are the only c**ts that are gonna get their end away the night?

 

Back at camp tomo was brooding over his photo of MB. His thong had smudged the signature. Annoyed he started on rake about. Why you got that f*****g beard? I'm gonna get my tweezers and pluck that f****r. Panic stricken rake about hid behind gnasher who was trying to light a fire using only dried cows shit from Stan's supplies and a crayon from Johnny boys piece box.

[baw 4,360]

Ethyl that's it cheers mate

[asanley 1,009]

..........onwards the motly crew marched , Tomo by now had got his signed photo of MB tatood onto his chest , and decided to challenge Baw for leadership and who has first go at the voluptous and very moist Skycat , Baw called for a show of hands to settle the matter , apart from Malt , who was elbow deep in a very attractive sheep , the show of hands was in Tomos favour , Baw was relagated to the rear of the bunch and had to carry Labs mars bars as extra punishment . It was the final straw for Baws fragile mental state , he began to see salukis everywhere he looked , the rest of the group realised he was suffering the first stages of Fen fever and the end was near for poor mad BAW...........

[baw 4,360]

first shot of skycat, I've already had the woman seeing fireworks, Ben Nevis has moved down to fort Agustus

[baw 4,360]

Baw didn't take the mutiny lightly. He knew once sky cat had been with him, she'd be back. He happily walked at the back munching labs mars bars watching the fools trying to navigate through the moors. Stan was the first to fall..... He got stung in the hand by an unnaturally late flowering nettle. The others were going to leave the quivering wreck of a man to die on the moor but baw felt sorry for the once leader..... He threw down the mars bars and stopped rfyl licking his head in, put him on his broad shoulders and carried on.

[skycat 6,173]

........................but Skycat, realising she'd been duped by, whisper it behind your hand in lowered voice, BY A SALUKI HATER, plotted her revenge on Baw. Stuffing her voluptuous breasts (thanks for that Baw ) back into her torn T shirt, she summoned the ever voracious Airedales to approach the camp, where they'd been lurking just out of sight all the time, and instructed them to work point. They were to look for a particularly strange animal, which looked on first glance just like any other Collie lurcher, BUT, only an Airedale would be able to sniff out the dreaded desert blood running through its veins.

 

This hound had once been the property of a very strange man, one who lived as a hermit atop the hills of the north, staying far away from his adoring fans, save those who made the trek to worship at his feet and applaud him as the one true breeder of proper lurchers. the man was now dead, but his spirit lived on in the form of this hound. It was said that the man would be reincarnated on Christmas Day where he would preach to all the world the true facts surrounding all lurchers and how to breed the very best in the world had ever seen......................

[baw 4,360]

Skycat, heavily pregnant now carrying baws triplets was getting sick of being used by the others. Decided to help baw carry the feeble Stan. Baw being the gentleman declined to offer but got lab and rfyl to carry him insead.

[skycat 6,173]

Hang on a minute: I thought that the story was supposed to continue from post to post Skycat is leaving to have her Saluki triplets, because Baw didn't realise that he too had the blood of the desert hound running through his veins, result of a dalliance many millions of years before when humans and animals were still one: and whilst he couldn't stand the bloody things, he was strangely drawn to them, like a moth to a flame, somehow realising that they would eventually be his down fall. Happy Christmas!