A Christmas tale......

[Lab 10,979]

As Chart plucked away...Lab strangely enjoy the plucking and thought "Wow that does make your knob look bigger!".......Undi was being attended to by a firefighter who had turned up on the scene. "Why you do have big muscles dont you.....would you like a hand with that big hose off yours" he giggled!! Scothunter was watching him flirt away..."Look at that fenian b*****d!!"..he muttered under his bag mac smelling breath.

[asanley 1,009]

.........meanwhile back in England Darcy and Chalky were discussing thier next book , it was to be a joint collaberation about the immortal MB ,.....we really need that photo of Mark for the dust jacket ...said Darcy .......I lent it to Tomo ....replied chalky while absent mindly stroking the inside of Darcy,s leg, .....then lets go and find him ....they cryed in unison ...........

[undisputed 1,664]

As Chart plucked away...Lab strangely enjoy the plucking and thought "Wow that does make your knob look bigger!".......Undi was being attended to by a firefighter who had turned up on the scene. "Why you do have big muscles dont you.....would you like a hand with that big hose off yours" he giggled!! Scothunter was watching him flirt away..."Look at that fenian b*****d!!"..he muttered under his bag mac smelling breath.

 

Skycat having finished her girlie moment with mochara began to pick up Labs plucked baw hairs and putting them in an old baccy tin smiled and mumbled to herself "I'll smoke these later" Baw began peeling what appeared to be a latex body suit of Lab revealing he was just a skinny runt afterall underneath. Skycat on seeing this fainted, just as this was going on a Caravan being pulled by two Donkeys came round the corner driven by Ditchshitter....on seeing Baws THL on tour T shirt he began screaming and whipping his donkeys and drove of as fast as he could. Meanwhile Scothunter had finished his 10th Bigmac and was sitting muttering something about Germans being wonderful, when a bus full of Pakistani tourists pulled into the side of the road and began taking pictures of him.

 

This of course was to much for him and he waded into the party swinging his popeye like arms like a sycth on barley.

[chartpolski 23,108]

Then were was an awful accident..the bus driver crashed, he was put of with Baw nibbling at his ear and slid down the banking. The bus rolled and rolled down the valley and the passengers were flung around inside. As the bus came to a halt....Lab was the first to get up....his shirt all torn off showing his tanned athletic body and rippling 6 pack. Baw opened an eye......"wow!!!" he thought as he eyed up Labs amazing figure..."If i could just loose 4 stone i took could look like that!".

Lab made a fist and punched out one of the windows.........Unfortunately Paid was dead...Lab thought "thats what you get when you take the f*****g piss!!".. ....Malt had been thrown from the bus and he was now trapped under it.....Lab couldnt see his face but knew it was him as he still had his kilt and Scotland top on. Gnasher emerged from the bus and said he would lift the bus up and free Malt....he tried and tried but the bus was too heavy. Stand aside said Lab and he picked up the bus and threw it to the side. Malt was dead... .

Lying about 6 feet away was Tomo......his wire cutters hanging out his back pocket and his Delia Smith cookbook was strewn all over the place. Lab thought that his legs had swollen up to twice the size but seemingly that was just normal. JohnnyBoy emerged from the glove box unharmed, he had been hiding in there cause RFYL was going to lick his head in.

Lab realised he needed to go get help so he headed along the road after telling the others to wait. The weather was terrible, the fog was down but in the distance Lab could just make out a small caravan....."Yes" he thought. It was a wreck of a thing......had a sticker on it saying "Eviction Notice".....Lab banged on the door, no answer......He tried the door but someone was keeping it closed. "We need help..please open the door!!"........."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!!"....came the reply from inside. Ya beauty Lab though, a celtic fan... ....but no it was Milejago......."Please help" Lab shouted through the bent out gap in the door!"......."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED". So Lab decided to move on and look for help elsewhere.

After about 3 miles he saw a car......the windows were all steamed up and theres was a couple in it..........the car was rocking from side to side but Lab knew he needed to get help and quick....so he opened the door and it was TB getting bummed of Grch....."Ah reyt pal!!!"......GrCh shouted!! Lab slammed the door in disgust and walked on.

About another 5 miles down the road Lab came to a village......he seen a fight in Tescos.....2 handicapped people were battering f**k out of a skinny wee guy with a whippet....lab would have helped but he knew time was running out and the anyway the handicapped folk looked like the had it covered.

Then out of the fog came a figure...about 8feet tall, ugly, hairy with a big fat red body...."What the f**k!!" thought Lab........turns out it was Ross giving Rake a piggy back and Rake had his £7000 Bino's out looking for his dog that had run off after a sheep. Lab said "Did it catch it".....Rake said "Naw bit it pit 3 burls intae it!!!"...

Lab saw in the distance the police station......He went in and Artic was sitting there....he was on THL on the computer under the name PIL........strange Lab though??? Anyway Artic phoned an Ambulance and Lab made his way back to the crash site. When the Ambulance arrived the bus was empty.......Jai was sitting crying mumbling about "Why did she go, why did she go"....Penny got medical assistance first as she was the eldest........Gnasher was telling the other paramedic about boxing Frank Bruno......Baw was trying it on with Gem but Gem only had eyes for Lab..........So Lab took Gem into the back of the Ambulance and gave her "da dick"........she was as excited as a blind poof in a hotdog factory. Baw got jealous when he saw what was going on and challenged Lab to a fight.....Lab laughed and bitch slapped him and said "Go away little boy!!!"..while still taking Gem form behind.

 

 

.........and then Lab awoke from the coma he had been in ever since he found out some mad old geordie had crossed the border and killed all his phessies ...........

 

Cheers.

[shellywarwick 6]

Edited December 23, 2012 by shellywarwick

[Malt 379]

Then were was an awful accident..the bus driver crashed, he was put of with Baw nibbling at his ear and slid down the banking. The bus rolled and rolled down the valley and the passengers were flung around inside. As the bus came to a halt....Lab was the first to get up....his shirt all torn off showing his tanned athletic body and rippling 6 pack. Baw opened an eye......"wow!!!" he thought as he eyed up Labs amazing figure..."If i could just loose 4 stone i took could look like that!".

Lab made a fist and punched out one of the windows.........Unfortunately Paid was dead...Lab thought "thats what you get when you take the f*****g piss!!".. ....Malt had been thrown from the bus and he was now trapped under it.....Lab couldnt see his face but knew it was him as he still had his kilt and Scotland top on. Gnasher emerged from the bus and said he would lift the bus up and free Malt....he tried and tried but the bus was too heavy. Stand aside said Lab and he picked up the bus and threw it to the side. Malt was dead... .

Lying about 6 feet away was Tomo......his wire cutters hanging out his back pocket and his Delia Smith cookbook was strewn all over the place. Lab thought that his legs had swollen up to twice the size but seemingly that was just normal. JohnnyBoy emerged from the glove box unharmed, he had been hiding in there cause RFYL was going to lick his head in.

Lab realised he needed to go get help so he headed along the road after telling the others to wait. The weather was terrible, the fog was down but in the distance Lab could just make out a small caravan....."Yes" he thought. It was a wreck of a thing......had a sticker on it saying "Eviction Notice".....Lab banged on the door, no answer......He tried the door but someone was keeping it closed. "We need help..please open the door!!"........."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!!"....came the reply from inside. Ya beauty Lab though, a celtic fan... ....but no it was Milejago......."Please help" Lab shouted through the bent out gap in the door!"......."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED". So Lab decided to move on and look for help elsewhere.

After about 3 miles he saw a car......the windows were all steamed up and theres was a couple in it..........the car was rocking from side to side but Lab knew he needed to get help and quick....so he opened the door and it was TB getting bummed of Grch....."Ah reyt pal!!!"......GrCh shouted!! Lab slammed the door in disgust and walked on.

About another 5 miles down the road Lab came to a village......he seen a fight in Tescos.....2 handicapped people were battering f**k out of a skinny wee guy with a whippet....lab would have helped but he knew time was running out and the anyway the handicapped folk looked like the had it covered.

Then out of the fog came a figure...about 8feet tall, ugly, hairy with a big fat red body...."What the f**k!!" thought Lab........turns out it was Ross giving Rake a piggy back and Rake had his £7000 Bino's out looking for his dog that had run off after a sheep. Lab said "Did it catch it".....Rake said "Naw bit it pit 3 burls intae it!!!"...

Lab saw in the distance the police station......He went in and Artic was sitting there....he was on THL on the computer under the name PIL........strange Lab though??? Anyway Artic phoned an Ambulance and Lab made his way back to the crash site. When the Ambulance arrived the bus was empty.......Jai was sitting crying mumbling about "Why did she go, why did she go"....Penny got medical assistance first as she was the eldest........Gnasher was telling the other paramedic about boxing Frank Bruno......Baw was trying it on with Gem but Gem only had eyes for Lab..........So Lab took Gem into the back of the Ambulance and gave her "da dick"........she was as excited as a blind poof in a hotdog factory. Baw got jealous when he saw what was going on and challenged Lab to a fight.....Lab laughed and bitch slapped him and said "Go away little boy!!!"..while still taking Gem form behind.

 

 

.........and then Lab awoke from the coma he had been in ever since he found out some mad old geordie had crossed the border and killed all his phessies ...........

 

Cheers.

Nice one Charts, we'll give Lab his Dallas moment, me and Paid can come back from the dead and then we can put Labs pish behind us and get on with what was a good story..

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMR5setaS7I

 

[Rake aboot 4,935]

As they walked up the hill they could here a strange noise, it was a weird wee scottish accent saying " thats it baby, hold that pose, work it for me sweet thing , etc etc".

 

They rounded a bend and there in front of them was strange sight, a dishevilled figure wearing odd socks and an Asda tshirt was taking pictures of a naked whippet, whilst the whippet pulled poses and reclined against an equally naked collie x,

 

Yes, it was Kittlerox,

 

"what the f**k dae yeh want" he shouted,, these are ma hills yeh ken ! now piss off !!, ,,,, oh an afore yeh go,, hus any oh yeh got oany cheese ??

[chadd 3]

baw empty your email you populer man you

[Lab 10,979]

Then were was an awful accident..the bus driver crashed, he was put of with Baw nibbling at his ear and slid down the banking. The bus rolled and rolled down the valley and the passengers were flung around inside. As the bus came to a halt....Lab was the first to get up....his shirt all torn off showing his tanned athletic body and rippling 6 pack. Baw opened an eye......"wow!!!" he thought as he eyed up Labs amazing figure..."If i could just loose 4 stone i took could look like that!".

Lab made a fist and punched out one of the windows.........Unfortunately Paid was dead...Lab thought "thats what you get when you take the f*****g piss!!".. ....Malt had been thrown from the bus and he was now trapped under it.....Lab couldnt see his face but knew it was him as he still had his kilt and Scotland top on. Gnasher emerged from the bus and said he would lift the bus up and free Malt....he tried and tried but the bus was too heavy. Stand aside said Lab and he picked up the bus and threw it to the side. Malt was dead... .

Lying about 6 feet away was Tomo......his wire cutters hanging out his back pocket and his Delia Smith cookbook was strewn all over the place. Lab thought that his legs had swollen up to twice the size but seemingly that was just normal. JohnnyBoy emerged from the glove box unharmed, he had been hiding in there cause RFYL was going to lick his head in.

Lab realised he needed to go get help so he headed along the road after telling the others to wait. The weather was terrible, the fog was down but in the distance Lab could just make out a small caravan....."Yes" he thought. It was a wreck of a thing......had a sticker on it saying "Eviction Notice".....Lab banged on the door, no answer......He tried the door but someone was keeping it closed. "We need help..please open the door!!"........."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!!"....came the reply from inside. Ya beauty Lab though, a celtic fan... ....but no it was Milejago......."Please help" Lab shouted through the bent out gap in the door!"......."WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED". So Lab decided to move on and look for help elsewhere.

After about 3 miles he saw a car......the windows were all steamed up and theres was a couple in it..........the car was rocking from side to side but Lab knew he needed to get help and quick....so he opened the door and it was TB getting bummed of Grch....."Ah reyt pal!!!"......GrCh shouted!! Lab slammed the door in disgust and walked on.

About another 5 miles down the road Lab came to a village......he seen a fight in Tescos.....2 handicapped people were battering f**k out of a skinny wee guy with a whippet....lab would have helped but he knew time was running out and the anyway the handicapped folk looked like the had it covered.

Then out of the fog came a figure...about 8feet tall, ugly, hairy with a big fat red body...."What the f**k!!" thought Lab........turns out it was Ross giving Rake a piggy back and Rake had his £7000 Bino's out looking for his dog that had run off after a sheep. Lab said "Did it catch it".....Rake said "Naw bit it pit 3 burls intae it!!!"...

Lab saw in the distance the police station......He went in and Artic was sitting there....he was on THL on the computer under the name PIL........strange Lab though??? Anyway Artic phoned an Ambulance and Lab made his way back to the crash site. When the Ambulance arrived the bus was empty.......Jai was sitting crying mumbling about "Why did she go, why did she go"....Penny got medical assistance first as she was the eldest........Gnasher was telling the other paramedic about boxing Frank Bruno......Baw was trying it on with Gem but Gem only had eyes for Lab..........So Lab took Gem into the back of the Ambulance and gave her "da dick"........she was as excited as a blind poof in a hotdog factory. Baw got jealous when he saw what was going on and challenged Lab to a fight.....Lab laughed and bitch slapped him and said "Go away little boy!!!"..while still taking Gem form behind.

 

 

.........and then Lab awoke from the coma he had been in ever since he found out some mad old geordie had crossed the border and killed all his phessies ...........

 

Cheers.

Nice one Charts, we'll give Lab his Dallas moment, me and Paid can come back from the dead and then we can put Labs pish behind us and get on with what was a good story..

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMR5setaS7I

 

Its just a story Malt......you can come back too life if you want.......greeting puss!!..

[dytkos 17,783]

Meanwhile, the rest of the group heard the sound of an old decrepit non mot able transit pickup chugging towards them. “Eer Wacker!” a put on Scouse accent greeted them from a deluded knut, followed by an incoherent Scottish grumble from his fellow recycler, Jock Jck.

 

“Do you want a lift? Get on the back” The intrepid travellers took a chance and they carried on down the road for ages, passing what seemed like some fat kid with a break stick apparently shagging a snowman, until Lab had to stop for a wee. As he was squatting like a girl by the roadside, something caught his keen eye, not his Jap’s eye. It was an immense camoflaged tarpaulin.

 

Someone, (whoever was still alive and at the scene) lifted the corner to find ……………..a combine harvester! Like all THL members, the group were all law abiding citizens and so Baw called the police. He then passed the phone to someone who could speak English which ruled out pretty much everyone so it ended up with Skycat, (after she had douched herself) saying that “they had found the proceeds of a 1 million pound robbery and could they send somebody?”

 

After 24 hours waiting no on had arrived so they hatched another plan.

999 and “officer theres a man here with a lurcher, I think he might be hare coursing” 5 minutes later and the police arrive, 3 vans, 4 cars and out of the back of one of the cars there came a little croak.

It couldn’t be Fred The Frog could it?

[TOMO 26,009]

Fred the frog,,,lol

 

I'm no good at this story thing,,, but if you look on this genrel talk section, there's a good thread socks started, about a battered wife,, and him kicking the door down Tarzan/ninja style....................ile leave you guys to get Rambo in this story....lol

[asanley 1,009]

..........SO after the orgies , the sheep shagging and the homoerotica were done with , the police and fire brigade had gone home the wreckage of the bus the caravan and the transit had been cleared and everyone had been brought back to life , they formed an orderly line at the side of the road and elected Stan as leader, the quest to find the god of all collies must continue ,.Stans first decision as leader was to shoot RFYL in the head , and he forbids anyone to bring the horrible little cnt back to life .

If we are going to see the great god Plum ., we must take 100 rabbits as tribute to him ,,Tomo immediatly jumped up , bared his MB tatoo and shouted ...send for the beloved one , Baw said he,d use his dog , but would need a week , it was then that the voluptuous , moist , and apparently bang at it Skycat strode purposly forward with her well hung airedale cross and said ..........

[chartpolski 23,108]

..........SO after the orgies , the sheep shagging and the homoerotica were done with , the police and fire brigade had gone home the wreckage of the bus the caravan and the transit had been cleared and everyone had been brought back to life , they formed an orderly line at the side of the road and elected Stan as leader, the quest to find the god of all collies must continue ,.Stans first decision as leader was to shoot RFYL in the head , and he forbids anyone to bring the horrible little cnt back to life .

If we are going to see the great god Plum ., we must take 100 rabbits as tribute to him ,,Tomo immediatly jumped up , bared his MB tatoo and shouted ...send for the beloved one , Baw said he,d use his dog , but would need a week , it was then that the voluptuous , moist , and apparently bang at it Skycat strode purposly forward with her well hung airedale cross and said ..........

...... bollocks to Plummer !! My books are better than his !! Ther'e better than anybodies !! Darcy was still miles away, but this statement came to him thru' the ether and hit him like a bolt of lightning !!! The battle of the books was about to begin ........

 

Cheers.

[Paid 935]

As Darcy and Chalky finally arrived on the hill side scene, chalky said that he once knew plummber, and could sniff out the cottage

using an old poachers trick! Stan decided that it would be best to pass over the baton of leadership to his elder, chalky, so on they went.

 

Paid bought up the rear, mumbling about why no one had noticed his death, and all seemed more interested in filming Penny and Mo on their phones !

 

As they all stepped over the still bleeding corpse of rfyl and carried on there way following chalky, nose to the ground, Every one looked for lab, wondering why

he hadn't tried to take advantage of chalkys odd position, but lab was seen dragging the still warm body of rfyl into the bracken with a weird grin on his face.

[chartpolski 23,108]

Darcy had come to the Highlands in search of solitude and inspiration for his new tome; it was to be a deviation from his usual books; in fact it would be full of the exploits of the worst deviants to haunt the cyber pages of THL..... Moscow, Hedz and Bigdaddylongchopper !!! Darcy was still trying to figure out how he could fit a Tu-Tu, a cage, and an amputee dwarf into a book about Lurchers !! Surely inspiration would come to him when he arrived at........ THE PLUMMER COTTAGE...........!!!

 

Cheers.