Lab 10,979 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Your all f****d!!!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Just got in from work: ..........meanwhile, Skycat was mega pissed off that her Saluki had been devoured, and swore revenge on the culprit, but she couldn't really blame the dog as it was only a dog, and dogs do eat things, so she turned her dastardly plans towards its owner instead. Realising that she was heavily out numbered, not only in terms of male versus female, but from the point of view that there were no Saluki fans in the camp, she had to come up with a plan, and she quietly slipped out of the camp and headed for a small wood not half a mile away. The others saw her leave though, but being the gentlemen they truly were, they left her alone thinking that she was communing with nature, which she was, but not in the manner they imagined. Skycat reached the wood unmolested (dag nab it, shucks etc: one can always hope!) whereupon she started to conjure a demon from the cold air of the mountain. The demon appeared in the form of a giant Saluki lurcher, but it had wall eyes, which told of its Collie blood lurking deep in its ancestry. As the beast became solid in form, it gnashed its mighty jaws, and foam flew from its nostrils as its eyes rolled wildly at hearing that one of its blood had been murdered by a Lab, of all things, and it bounded from the wood and galloped down the hill, scattering Whin and Tomo and Ideation who was trying to straddle Mary in the vague hope that they could create a better Jesus than the one that had already divided the world for so many centuries: peace and love, man: get it on! Lab and Gnasher were deep in communion in the tent .....no, not that sort of communion you idiots, the other kind! Realising that life was very short, and some things even shorter, they were attempting to fix one of the ram's horns on to Gnasher's tackle, as Lab had said he'd always fancied those African men who wore curved sticks on their dicks: he'd gone exploring up the Amazon many years ago and had been fortunate enough to meet a very gay, curvy stick man who had converted him to the joys of curvy sticks. Then all hell broke loose as the gigantic dog demon blew down the hill and with one mighty bite shredded the tent, revealing the two men in all their naked glory. Ram's horn and super glue went flying, Gnash went flying, and Lab cowered on the ground behind his dog who had been watching the whole sordid goings on from behind yet another haggis it was attempting to ingest. While the humans could only see terror incarnate in the giant, dog shaped demon, Labs lab could only see lunch.. With the steely determination that's usually only displayed by enraged sons pulling ethnic men off their prostrate and naked mothers, the lab lept into action and the hell spawned demon dog went straight back through the gates of hell from which it came, albeit via the digestive system of a permanently hungry Labrador.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Paid 935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 As the large beast was devoured, Baw was heard to mumble "told you salukis were pish!" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,173 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Unbeknownst to all, the Airedales, beasts known for their keen sense of smell and bottomless drive, had been waiting behind a wall, their eyes fixed on what to them was a beautiful feast. At an invisible command from their owner, they crashed through the stone wall (well, I never said they were bright, just driven!) and leapt on Lab's lab, sucking the meat from the poor dog's bones with the speed of piranhas, then realising they were still hungry, one of them fixated on Gnasher, who was desperately trying to pull the ram's horn out of Lab's rear where it had become lodged during the attack...................... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,627 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
undisputed 1,664 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Unbeknownst to all, the Airedales, beasts known for their keen sense of smell and bottomless drive, had been waiting behind a wall, their eyes fixed on what to them was a beautiful feast. At an invisible command from their owner, they crashed through the stone wall (well, I never said they were bright, just driven!) and leapt on Lab's lab, sucking the meat from the poor dog's bones with the speed of piranhas, then realising they were still hungry, one of them fixated on Gnasher, who was desperately trying to pull the ram's horn out of Lab's rear where it had become lodged during the attack......................At this point Scothunter turned up and seeing the rams horn being withdrawn from Labs arse flew into a blue rage...bodies were strewn all over the camp and blood spurted from the stump where Gnashers head once stood....that'll teach you he roard and as he turned to face an embarrassed looking Lab...now for you you two timing bead rattler....to be continued! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rake aboot 4,935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Shaggy !!!!!!!!!! cheeky mare ! :laugh: Fekin pissin masell here !lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wullz 408 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Stop it, I'm meant to be workin..........!!!!! Its like an old Flash Gordon series...... Taaa daaaa daaaa!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Unbeknownst to all, the Airedales, beasts known for their keen sense of smell and bottomless drive, had been waiting behind a wall, their eyes fixed on what to them was a beautiful feast. At an invisible command from their owner, they crashed through the stone wall (well, I never said they were bright, just driven!) and leapt on Lab's lab, sucking the meat from the poor dog's bones with the speed of piranhas, then realising they were still hungry, one of them fixated on Gnasher, who was desperately trying to pull the ram's horn out of Lab's rear where it had become lodged during the attack...................... It was the change in their subject of attention that ultimately proved to be their downfall, for somewhere in the heap of bones and skin that used to be a lab, something primal stirred.. It was an ancient force that for millenia had kept all manor of beast alive, driving every living organism to consume in order to survive. It echoed a trait that is unusually strong in Labradors, and even death couldn't overcome this one's insatiable appetite and it's will to devour.. What had in life been a greedy dog was now in death, the very incarnation of hunger itself, and slowly but surely, it rose and turned its attention on the Airdales.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Paid 935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 But.... after years of not eating ginger things, only licking peanut butter from them, it was confused, and started to lick the airdales, who actually enjoyed it, and feel fast asleep after their hearty meal ! Mean while the surviving members of the rag tag squad regrouped, and followed their intrepid leader Stanley onwards to the edge of the world, in search of the holy grail, a dog with stamina, but no saluki or whippet blood. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chartpolski 23,108 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 On descending into a mist filled glen, the intrepid bunch were stopped in their tracks by an awful wailing, in a strange, primevil language, as they edged uncertainly forward, ears straining to make sense of the primordal gibbering..... sounds like "phessises", "lobs", "bigland" "boab" and "kizzy" were heard !!! It could only mean one thing !!! The Ghost of Christmas Past !!!! Better known as ........... Cheers. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rake aboot 4,935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 The great god WHIN !! He looked down upon them all and smiled,, as dogs appeared at his side and sat to heel, hungryly looking at our intrepid bunch with hunters eyes, Whin grinned,, looked about at the lands that he ruled over, the green glens, and hills where he ruled and walked the earth catching all in front of him, He rolled his shoulders,, looked from man to man, and asked in a booming voice, "Has anybody seen the button off my trousers ?" 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,173 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Now Baw had a guilty secret: he was embarrassingly addicted to snipping the buttons of other men's trousers, and he had a special fondness for Whin's: something to do with the fact that with his trousers round his ankles, Whin couldn't keep up with his dogs, who were, of course, the most highly trained of all ........ except when they smelled a ginger haggis on the horizon. To this end, Whin had started to tie his trousers up with string: a much safer thing to do, but today he had used the string to tie up said haggis, keeping it safe for a meal a bit later ............... what he didn't know is that the lab ghost dog had already swallowed the haggis' mate, and he's about to get a just a wee bit annoyed when he finds out exactly where that haggis is....................... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 there a want about you c**ts lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,726 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 and just when the rag tag band of brothers thought it couldn't get any more frightening..............in the distance the only sound to be heard was a squeaky wheel of an old wheelbarrow with a watering can in being pushed by 2 very angry rabbits, at this point everybody was scared witless even the usually unflappable gnasher as he knew it was going to get messy. The squeaking got louder and louder and could only mean one thing...............................................it was THE OFFLINER !!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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