Jokes

[stealthy1 3,964]

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church, sits down in a confessional box and says nothing.

 

The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

 

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

 

Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking mate, there's no paper in this one either."

[stealthy1 3,964]

My brother Mark recently joined the local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that he tried skipping to get fitter. After doing this for an hour, he handed him a rope and said, "Use this. You won't look as gay"

[stealthy1 3,964]

How to wash a cat

 

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

 

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl...

 

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

 

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

 

... 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!

 

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.

 

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

 

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

 

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

 

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Yours Sincerel my dog THOR

[salclalin 240]

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at were Breeding Bulls.They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached saying "This Bull mated 50 times last year".The wife playfully nudged her Husband and Said "50 times last year".They walked to the next pen and the sign read "This Bull mated 120 times last year".The wife gave her Husband another Nudge and said "That's more than twice a week!.You could learn a lot from him.They walked to the third pen and in Capital letters it said "This Bull mated 365 times last year" The excited wife nudged her husband so hard she nearly broke her husbands ribs."That's once a day you could REALLY Learn something off him".The husband turns to his wife and said "Go over and ask Him was it with the same Cow"