Jokes. lol

[bob.243 8,890]

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Son said to Dad “I'm Gay.”

Dad looks at his other son and said “What about you?”

Other son said “Me too Dad.”

Dad said “f**k me, doesn't anyone in this f*****g family like pussy?”

The Daughter said “I do…”

 

 

10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident.

At the Pearly Gates St Peter says “If any of you are Paedophiles you can f**k off down to Hell.”

Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out “And take this deaf b*****d with you.”

 

 

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.

We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big b*****d tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”

I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”

“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”

 

 

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you....he is in Prison.

 

 

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.

Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…! That's when I thought “f*****g wait a minute…”

 

 

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted “Where you off to Charlie?”

He said, “I'm off to change a light bulb.”

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. …then said,

“That's gonna be a bit awkward init?”

“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive b*****d.”

[bumfluff 6]

:laugh:

[Guest thebigdog]

epilectic ones a cracker

[Lab 10,979]

FPMSL..........."choked on a sock"...ahahahahahahahahahahahha

[Lab 10,979]

epilectic ones a cracker

Canny wait tae tell folk that wan tae............. :laugh:

[stewie 3,387]

might just be me but didnt find any funny in the slightest.............

[Tallyho 181]

I chuckled on the sock one lol

[Bunny Boiler 177]

This one should be right up your street lads.

 

 

 

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

 

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

 

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

[Guest thebigdog]

[Bunny Boiler 177]

Just seen your status. Didn't realise you'd posted bigdog.

 

Here's another few:

 

"My Jimmy Savile advent calendar is shit. The flaps only open from 1-16"

 

"Mitt Romney spent $800m on not becoming president of the USA. I spent 65p and got the same result, except I have a Mars Bar."

 

"So Kate Middleton is pregnant..

 

I thought that it was government policy to discourage people who don't work from having kids."

Edited December 6, 2012 by Bunny Boiler

[The one 8,483]

:laugh:

[bob.243 8,890]

.My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she wasn't pleased when I came back and gave her some Slimming Pills.

[bob.243 8,890]

My girlfriend has just asked me how many women I've shagged.

I said, 'I really don't want to answer that love, you know I've had a past & I don't want to upset you!'

'C'mon' she said, 'I can handle it!'

So I had to sit there and count them all.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12.

[j j m 6,540]

Very good mate

[bigdaz 688]

Wee dyslexic boy asks his mam, can I have a MacDonalds?, yes she says but only if you spell it for me,

Fcuk it he answers, I'll have a KFC.