Wxm 1,638 Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "b*****d". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and b*****d mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". ... Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "f**k" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and b*****ds, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f*****g the turkey! 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wxm 1,638 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 This bloke fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway & offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. "I'll throw the money on the floor, u bend down & I'll be finished by the time u pick it up". The girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her go 4 it & pick it up real fast, he won't have a chance! An hour later he calls her & asks what's going on. "I can hardly FECKING WALK!" She replies "The b*****d USED 1p's 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,495 Posted October 15, 2012 Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 Felix Baumgartner's free fall has broken the previous world record,overtaking Rangers decent through to the fourth tier of Scottish football Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wxm 1,638 Posted October 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened. She says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gamerooster 1,179 Posted October 15, 2012 Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "b*****d". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and b*****d mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". ... Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "f**k" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and b*****ds, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f*****g the turkey! sounds like christmas at my house lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JohnGalway 1,043 Posted October 15, 2012 Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 An oldie.................. Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and saying, "You sign, you sign!" The bewildered ex-president will do no such thing and slams the door. The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!" Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again holding out a clipboard and screaming "You sign! You sign!" Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong person!" Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks, "Ah soh. You not Nissan Main dealer? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,495 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Whats brown , stinks is six inches long and you wouldn't want to find it in your kids bedroom ? Jimmy Saville's cigar 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Milwr Jr. 99 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 "You look good, I bet you want my cock in you" "Dave", my wife replied "I can hear you on the baby monitor" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 "You look good, I bet you want my cock in you" "Dave", my wife replied "I can hear you on the baby monitor" Yes funny you sick c**t Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brian-911 210 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 "You look good, I bet you want my cock in you" "Dave", my wife replied "I can hear you on the baby monitor" WTF you sicko Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 A woman and a baby waited in the doctor's examining room, waiting for him to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn't gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma ... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gamerooster 1,179 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 either there is a lot of people seeing these jokes on here and they are posting them on facebook, or vice versa, my profile page is f*****g full of them!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Lol@ milwr jr getting stick. I saw that and thought wow your gona catch some flak for that. But keys be honest here the whole thread is inuendos and jokes about child abuse. Is there really one joke that's worse than any other? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,121 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Lol@ milwr jr getting stick. I saw that and thought wow your gona catch some flak for that. But keys be honest here the whole thread is inuendos and jokes about child abuse. Is there really one joke that's worse than any other? Watch this........... Q. What's black and bangs into tables? A.Jordans bairn. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,818 Posted October 16, 2012 Report Share Posted October 16, 2012 Lol@ milwr jr getting stick. I saw that and thought wow your gona catch some flak for that. But keys be honest here the whole thread is inuendos and jokes about child abuse. Is there really one joke that's worse than any other? Watch this........... Q. What's black and bangs into tables? A.Jordans bairn. Peter Andre and Katie Price are in a custody battle over Harvey Neither of them want him! Yes I know Cheers, D. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.