Guest MOLLY Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 Australian tourist Q&A The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor. __________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. __________________________________________________ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks(Sweden)? A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. __________________________________________________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? __________________________________________________ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. _________________________________________________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? __________________________________________________ Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. __________________________________________________ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. __________________________________________________ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. __________________________________________________ Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it inAustralia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay night clubs. __________________________________________________ Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. __________________________________________________ Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. MOLL. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thurso jack 3 Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 quallity, moll!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sako.243 1 Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Frank Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WILF Posted May 24, 2007 Report Share Posted May 24, 2007 Moll..better edit your post as it was Stabs who asked the high heels question Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SJM Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
david2363 42 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 hahahahahaha - absolute mint , really made me laugh. "milk is illegal" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 Thanks Moll....indespensible advice for me there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Simoman 110 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 Hey stabs, shouldn't you be sweating in the Queensland tropics by now mate, whens the ETA? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 Funny you should say that mate....probably next weekend The dog got out of quarantine yesterday and she's enjoying exploring her new garden and finding loads of spiders under the fallen banana tree leaves She's also made friends with one or two possums apparently :whistle: Just waiting for a contract to be delivered so I can sign and then it's off to watch hippo racing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MOLLY Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 If i ever visit, will you take me to kings cross? It seems anything & everything done there is done naked, plus i'd get money every hour MOLL. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 I stayed in Kings Cross once Moll.....I'd just come back from two days pig hunting with my pals and I was staying on the floor of an old work mate. It was Gay Mardi Gras so we thought we'd pop out for a few beers We got about 100 yards and the full-on gayness of the night was just too much so we headed straight into a paddy bar where they had dancing girls :whistle: Anyway.....the Kilkenny Red was going down a treat and at some point around about 2am we moved on to a club and started drinking with some Finnish lads....couldn't speak a word of English but we had the international brotherhood of "The World's Strongest Man" which transcends all barriers I honestly couldn't think of any other Finns I'd heard of but they seemed impressed Anyway...ended up separated from the lads at some point and with me not knowing where the f**k I was I decided to stay in a "flop" house......that was an eye opener I can tell you Prostitutes and their clients everywhere.....mind you, they all stayed well away from me and I couldn't work out why.....turns out I hadn't even got changed from the 2 days hunting and I had pig blood in my hair and all down my combats This was the morning of that very day Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MOLLY Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 they all stayed well away from me and I couldn't work out why.....turns out I hadn't even got changed from the 2 days hunting and I had pig blood in my hair and all down my combats Lmfao MOLL. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Simoman 110 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 stabs, purely out of interest what date is the gay mardi-gras :kiss: :whistle: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted May 25, 2007 Report Share Posted May 25, 2007 No f****r told me it was the gay Mardi Gras when I got there....my hotel was full of them..I though Sydney was the poofter capital of the world for a while Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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