PlasticJock 539 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 Met 5 Welsh lads in Spain years ago and they were trying hard to shift this Essex bird...she says to them, the 5 of you can shag me, but the last one on has to lick me out before he gets a shag....they drew straws, and then did it....and the last bloke licked her out and then shagged her.....everytime I think of it now, I burst up laughing....dirty baisturds, confirmed kill too, I watched..... No need to be shy mate you can tell us you were the last man 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ratreeper 441 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 love how 'favourite things' turns in to this filth The funniest thing I can remember is my ferret running up my brothers body (which was impressive enough) and latching on to his nose. I can't help laughing when i remember the look on his face. The ferret would go mental when it heard a squeaky dog toy, so I squeaked it above his head and WHAM...couldn't have been a more perfect moment... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
darkie 143 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 anyway as i was saying ,this fat bird with the roll of flab hiding her fanny,had the most tiniest hands id ever seen on a woman she gave me a blow job once and spat my man fat out of the window, wich landed on the windscreen of my mates car Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticJock 539 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 I had a posh w*nk in the middle lane southbound on the M74 a few years back. Wasn't until I'd nearly finished that I realised the trucks to the left of me were all higher up, so could probably see me thrapping one out and may have even called the police. I had to get rid of the evidence Quote Link to post Share on other sites
darkie 143 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 lolololololool f*****g marvelous ,i take it you were driving and not just running up the motorway like a loon Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticJock 539 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 lolololololool f*****g marvelous ,i take it you were driving and not just running up the motorway like a loon Hahahaha yes I was driving, I couldn't run that fast and w*nk at the same time lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jo54 255 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 sat around some girls house years ago a f*****g tramp 6 others had blow job off her then my pal open a can of beer shit on a stick and droped a lump in her beer gave it to her we sat there laughing for ages while she sat there laughing with us shit in kettle few times ........put a headjog in a girls bed Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GRAM71 29 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) in my younger more experimental days, i took the girlfriend up the clackervalve, only problem was she was a bit clogged up and curled one out on the carpet after i withdrew... Edited February 29, 2012 by GRAM71 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticJock 539 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 When I was a bit younger we had a mate who'd go around a nightclub poo-tashing people randomly. Big fat bloke, used to wipe 2 fingers up his arse crack, go over to some bird, wipe it on her top lip and say, ''Petrol or diesel''???!!!!! He did it to a meathead once I thought we were in for a right scrap, they guy looked confused then started retching it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time Big juice head with a shit tash sprinting for the toilet :laugh: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
darkie 143 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 hahahahahahahahahah i bet you went back for more you dirty barstard Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GRAM71 29 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 and i used to have a laser pointer for the cat to play with, he used to go nuts for it, so one night when we had the daughter and her boyfriend round i pointed the laser dot at the boyfriends groin, that cat went like a guided missile full pelt for him! f**k i laughed!! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
123456 146 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 and i used to have a laser pointer for the cat to play with, he used to go nuts for it, so one night when we had the daughter and her boyfriend round i pointed the laser dot at the boyfriends groin, that cat went like a guided missile full pelt for him! f**k i laughed!! seen that done but into a road, how the cat never got squashed ill never know Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 how is this still going Quote Link to post Share on other sites
undisputed 1,664 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 Curry Pot Noodle big lump of bread covered in butter glass of Magners and listening to the demented rantings of the Orcs on Clyde one phone in. :boogy: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marvin 193 Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 Worked for a twat of a boss, opened his bait box one day took out hos apple stuck it square on to my starfish then put it back inhis box, could hardly keep a straight face at lunch time. Still brings a smile to my face when i see him around now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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