Lee85 44 Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 What's black with 2 broken arms? Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses. My mate and I spotted a woman going past in the pub. "I'd give her one" I said. "I heard that!" she shouted, stomping over. "Have you two saddos got nothing better to do than sit there perving at girls?" "You misunderstand," I said, "we're picking out the ones who could do with a gastric band." "One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is an awesome phrase. But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted. The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets. I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough. This guy from over the road was talking to me earlier. "My wife's just told me she's been having an affair with Dave the milkman," he confided. "What? That fat ugly f****r I see every morning outside your house?" "Yes," he laughed, cheering up. "Why would Dave the milkman want to shag that?" An elderly man is stopped by police at around 2am and is asked where he is going at this time of night The man replies " Im on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late " The officer then asks " Really ?, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night? " The man replies " That would be my wife" I can't believe the footage of the head shot on the front page of the Sun, it's a tragic loss. RIP Susan Boyle "It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed." My dog's full of useful information like that. I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday. He had a Wigan address. Bumped into the wife's ex earlier, cocky c**t said "Hi mate, how's your wife and my kids?" I replied "Pretty good, and I have to say, your daughter is a hell of a lot better f**k than the missus" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hairyface 211 Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 bumped into the wifes ex today and the arrogant c**t says," hows that 2nd hand vagina, it took some hammer" i said " 1st 3inch is abit slack but the rest is brand new" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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