RaiderBoy 19 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I went to see a fortune teller with my wife today. "Sit down," she smiled, placing her hands on my palms. "Your two boys will have long successful careers." "Ooh," my wife whispered. "She knows that we've got two boys." "You will grow old with the love of your life," the fortune teller carried on. "With a woman whose name begins with 'S'." "Oh my god," I burst out, turning to my wife. "Your sister's name is Sarah!" "And my name's Sandra, you c**t!" Manager goes into his meeting room to meet his 4 employees. He tells them that due to the current economic climate, he has to let 1 of them go. The first employee, a woman speaks up and says "as the only woman here if you try fire me I will sue you for sex discrimination." The second employee, a black man says "as the only black man in the company, if you try fire me I'll sue you for racism." The third employee, a Chinese man says "if you try fire me I'll sue you for discriminating against an ethnic minority." They all turn to the last employee- a middle aged, White male. "Em.... I think I'm gay..." Feel free to add your own jokes, i could use a laugh after today.. Richard Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tegater 789 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "However, you've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap, it's £1,000 an inch." The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says. "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out and if you had a nine inch one before but decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So" says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," said the man. "And what's the decision?" asks the doctor. "We're having granite worktops." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rob190364 2,594 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 the suitable ones are shit! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rob190364 2,594 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 two doctors went on holiday to portugal............ only jesting Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 two doctors went on holiday to portugal............ only jesting Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RaiderBoy 19 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 the suitable ones are shit! Go on my last thread and say that! Richard Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 two doctors went on holiday to portugal............ only jesting now thats a joke sick cnut Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RaiderBoy 19 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 I was feeling low the other day, so I went to confession. "I've been having terrible thoughts Father", I began. "I keep having a recurring dream about a young boy, who must be at least 8, coming into my bedroom at night. He gently wakes me, I brush his golden locks with my fingers, pinch his chubby cheeks before he gives me an amazing blow job. Am I paedophile father?" There was a pause and a cough from the next booth. "Paedophile is such a strong word", muttered the Priest,"Now this fat little blonde boy....what was he wearing?...." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ossie 11 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 The third employee, a Chinese man says "if you try fire me I'll sue you for discriminating against an ethnic minority." minority? there's billions of them! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 now thats the spirit Raider Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.