B.P.R 2,798 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 tried to kick a cement football and broke my foot took my german shepherd for a walk and fell asleep on the field to be woken up by my dad clipping me round the head asking why the dog was asleep under the car. took my german shepherd out on a different night with a bite sleeve and got my mate to run to the end of the field and if he made it id buy him a crate irresponsible and bad training but i was only 16! shaved my dads 'solid' german shepherd so it had a mohican and we were pissing ourselves at the rhodesian/gsd cross them poor german shepherds haha paid one of them students in ediinburgh( the ones that ride them bikes-forget what theyre called) to race with another guy up a massive hill and the winner would get an extra few quid handcuffed my mate who was wrecked on a train from edinburgh to london without his phone or his wallet Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,114 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 when in germany with the tartan army a few years back after a game of around 600 aside football, i went for a kip in a display tent in a camping shop. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
neil82 1,066 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 tried to kick a cement football and broke my foot took my german shepherd for a walk and fell asleep on the field to be woken up by my dad clipping me round the head asking why the dog was asleep under the car. took my german shepherd out on a different night with a bite sleeve and got my mate to run to the end of the field and if he made it id buy him a crate irresponsible and bad training but i was only 16! shaved my dads 'solid' german shepherd so it had a mohican and we were pissing ourselves at the rhodesian/gsd cross them poor german shepherds haha paid one of them students in ediinburgh( the ones that ride them bikes-forget what theyre called) to race with another guy up a massive hill and the winner would get an extra few quid handcuffed my mate who was wrecked on a train from edinburgh to london without his phone or his wallet pure class Quote Link to post Share on other sites
drifter 1 50 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 Me and my brother Stole a life size farther christmas light, had to climb some scaffolding to get it down, got caught on camera and old bill raided the house looking for it, when my folks asked what they were after the copper said they we are looking for somthing big and red with a beard lol, They lifted my brother and when they took him into the costody suite and told the costody officer he was there for theft of farther christmas everyone in there cracked up laughing They then showed him a video of him carrying it up the street and paused it asking if it was him on the screen.....He replyed....I dont have a beard or a red jacket!!! Coppers did not see funny side at all bless them Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Duncan 802 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 Car walking, climbing flagpoles to steal coca cola flags, shagging some entirely forgettable birds, getting off with some memorable ones... Semi dislocated my thumb trying to beat the 1000 barrier on a punch measuring game in a club in Devon, couldn't get passed 990. Discovered in the cold light of day it only had a 3 digit display. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NEWKID 27,048 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 On the train from london to our digs in Reading arrived at our stop and shoved my brother in the over head suitcase compartment he couldn't get out we got off saw him fall out of it as the train pulled out of the station Ripped a bin up with the slot in the top and put it over my head I looked like a robot walking up to people acting the dick, saw the police coming so threw it off, was told you've been seen on cctv stealing a bin and wearing it on your head, " not me " I say they give me a rollocking and I still insist I'm innocent when I get in Brush my teeth look in the mirror and my face is Black. Whilst away working near Cardiff, bet my brother he wont strip off on the walk to the digs, when he does nick his clothes ad run down the road knocking on the doors. Skinny dipping in Ibiza got out and stood on a sea urchin ( that hurt) Woke up on a beach and found my shoes had been nicked. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,862 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 well only bad things, been done for causing a afray+fighting, done for drink+driving (a sleep in my car) not driving it , got took to the nick , and had a go at the coppers because they just wanted do me for anything they could find. Got don over and found my self in a ditch with bust ribs cut face , my old man said stay pissed dont come home. All this when i was young mad prat and drank to much, glad i only drink weekend now just few cans now 3-4 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
old timer123 367 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 you aint 60 surely Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blan89 159 Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 some funny ones here,the best one i can remember would be getting smashed and shaggin some goth bird then being sick in her bed and getting kicked out of her house by her brother at about 4am half naked with no idea where i was. got lost out in leeds and ended up sleeping in a shop doorway,only to wake up a few hours later surrounded by semi-conscious tramps. not alcohol induced but i got off my cake once stripped naked smeared cam cream all over myself and went out hunting giants with a broom. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ossie 11 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) oh god, where to i start? got chucked in a boating pond in a park, woke up the next day with me eyelids stuck together, conjunctivitis... trod in a molehill & f****d my ankle up, just drank more to numb the pain, went to a rave & danced on it. had to cut my boot off the next day. went to my old landlords NYE party, drank 4 pints of red wine, woke up the next day the wrong way round in bed, wearing a jumper i hadn't seen for 6 months, mud all over my face, cuts all over my hands, one boot on (found the other one on top of the ferret hutch) and the dog looking at me with a very worried expression. still not entirely sure how i got in that state. tried to walk the dog, got round one field, admitted defeat & spent the next 8 hours curled up on the sofa with him. he gets sympathy hangovers. had sex in the middle of a road. found a tractor tyre lying on the pavement in the middle of a city housing estate, rolled it back to my mates house, put it in the living room, fell asleep on it. did a bit of bush-jumping, woke up the next day to find my back full of thorns... didn't examine the bush closely enough... too many times to mention passed out over the toilet in my old shared house. the running joke in the house was that i was having an affair with the toilet, because every sunday morning there i was, out cold, hugging it. fell down the stairs at the bar i worked at & got an 8" by 6" bruise on my arse, causing the boss to bring in a "no drinking at work" policy. passed out with my eyes open at a party after 2 litres of white lightning & black, scared the hell out of my mate's girlfriend, who wanted to call an ambulance, but everyone said "don't bother, she does that all the time". first i'd heard about it! at another NYE party in my local pub, drank a bottle of Jack and got my tits out every time my mate told me to. apparently i did it about 20 times... Edited October 17, 2011 by Ossie Quote Link to post Share on other sites
123456 146 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 - slept countless times on benches - puked in a girls mouth whilst kissing - for reason unknown I walked home got a socket set and unbolted a council bench to turn it round and bolt it back down - tried adopting a very missed off midget one night, ended getting chinned by a feckin midget - and puked all over the city Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trappa 517 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Pinched a train (with passengers) ((long story)) Ate a tin of dog food Spewed up a chinese then ate the prawns again Tried to pinch a ship to sail home Countless sleeping rough Rolling on the floor with captain of north sea ferry Lots of other stuff i cant say as its a public forum Great thread BTW, didnt realise there were so many nutters on here!!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,173 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 So long ago now, but................ Driving the new car at 140mph down the motorway, changing lanes all the time as I thought I was an F1 driver hitting the bends Didn't they have motorway cops in those days? Totalled my mates brand new Range Rover (this was when they first came out) panicked and legged it through a field of cows, fell over (quite a few times I suspect) and got home covered in cow sh*t. Out hunting Boxing Day meet: drank non stop throughout the day on brandy and port, somehow managed to stay on board and was found back in the stable that evening, asleep under the horse who was still tacked up, and who had found my sarnies in my jacket pocket, ripped the jacket apart, and was happily eating the sarnies: sorry horse! Bored one afternoon after closing time (I lived in a pub at the time) tried to do circus tricks on same horse grazing in the field back of the pub, couldn't understand it when she kept bucking the drunken idiot off her back: I was trying to stand on her back at the same time as cantering round the field. Got concussed the last time I came off and spent the rest of the day asking everyone who I was! Thought my mate's tent was the toilet (twice) out camping: cider and brandy this time. Pissed all over his feet! The last time I got seriously drunk I kept trying to sing with the band at a big lurcher show knees up: they kept trying to push me away from the mike: thank God everyone else was probably almost as drunk as me and can't remember the horrible noises I must have been making It was all a good friend's fault asking me to look after his bottle of whisky I don't drink any more nowadays. I wonder why. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Pinched a train (with passengers) ((long story)) Ate a tin of dog food Spewed up a chinese then ate the prawns again Tried to pinch a ship to sail home Countless sleeping rough Rolling on the floor with captain of north sea ferry Lots of other stuff i cant say as its a public forum Great thread BTW, didnt realise there were so many nutters on here!!! .......tell us about the train... And i take it the "trying to pinch a ship" had something to do with "Rolling on the floor with the captain of the north sea ferry"?..... Went to Magaluf with 10 mates and we got 36 complaints in the hotel on the first night..... Had a shite in the bath..... Walking home one night having a muck about fight with a mate and smashed a neighbours wall down..... Got locked up at an Old Firm game for politely telling a policeman he was a wanker.....he was!!.... Came out an Old firm game once and bumped into two girls, they had a bottle buckie so i asked for a drink while they spoke to my mate.....i downed it and put it back in her bag. 2 secs later a bottle of buckie smashed behind me. I thought she was going to kill me.... Fell up the stairs going to my bed after a mates Dads funeral and cracke my head of a table edge..........nice scar left of that one.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 Remembered another one............. Was out drinking one night with 2 mates. Had around 15 pints then we headed outside, my mate got his car keys out and walked towards his car. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was driving up the road. I asked to see his keys and took them off him. He was raging and wanted them back and was right in my face as i walked away.....couldn't take the abuse to long so i picked him up and through him over a hedge where he broke his arm. Still better than killing himself or someone else by drink driving.... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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