The Seeker 3,048 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Last night four Sheffield United players were outside my bedroom window playing football with a hedge hog, I was so disgusted I was just about to phone the RSPCA.......then the hedge hog went 1-0 up..... We're all wednesday aren't we? Till I die Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jo54 255 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Last night four Sheffield United players were outside my bedroom window playing football with a hedge hog, I was so disgusted I was just about to phone the RSPCA.......then the hedge hog went 1-0 up..... We're all wednesday aren't we? Till I die english man irish man scotch man all gets kidnapped my bin laden ........he says i let you all go if you sing me a song about a dog english man jumps up how much is the dogge in the window he lets him go ..................scotch man jumps up when i was a lad old shep was a pup...............he lets him go irish man jumps up strangers in the night changing places binladen shouts what about the dog he shouts hold on scooby dobby doooo.................. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
magners 107 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 I'VE JUST BROKEN THE WORLD RECORD FOR HOLDING YOUR BREATH UNDER WATER INCREDIBLE 8 MINUTES,42 SECONDS. IT ALL STARTED WHEN A GIRL AT THE SWIMMING BATHS SHOUTED: THATS HIM OVER THERE DADDY Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,627 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Judge was telling TB about his first Parachute jump....."When i got to the door i couldn't do it!"....The 6ft 7" marine instructor unzipped his fly and dropped out his 14" dong and said "If your not going to jump then youre going to get this baby rammed right up your f*****g arse!!!" TB says "Did you jump?"...... Judge says "A bit, when it first went in"......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman walk into a bar, the barman asks,- "Is this a joke?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 A married couple were lying in bed together when the wife turns round to the husband and says, "do you think our sex life is a bit stale"? The husband replies, "I've never really thought about it, have you something in mind?" I'd like to try a 69er says the wife, the husband hasn't got a clue and asks the wife to explain. "Well" she says "I lie here and you get on top of me but the opposite way round with your head between my legs and my head between yours, then you lick my doo dah and I'll lick yours." "Oh alright we'll give it a go " replies the husband. After a couple of minutes the woman let's one go and the man jumps up and shouts, "feck that, that's disgusting", , "please don't stop" pleads the woman. The husband gets back into position and starts over again but soon after the woman drops another fart, once again the man stops and lifts his head away but after more pleading from his wife he grudgingly continues the tounging. Five minutes later the woman is nearing the point of no return and in her excitment belts out a monster fart :sick: The husband jumps off her shouting " feck that I couldn't stand another 66 of those b*****ds.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
barry123 112 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 man texts his wife " honey i'm just having one more pint and i'll be home . If i'm not home in 20 mins , just read this text again". 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
barry123 112 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 man texts his wife " honey i'm just having one more pint and i'll be home . If i'm not home in 20 mins , just read this text again". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lee micheal kennels 12 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) :icon_eek: man texts his wife " honey i'm just having one more pint and i'll be home . If i'm not home in 20 mins , just read this text again". :laugh: Edited June 23, 2011 by lee micheal kennels Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tomm Parr 30 Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 1. Matthew Macklin losing to Felix Sturm last night. 2. Lucas Matthysse losing to Devon Alexander last night. Boxing fans'll know what i'm on about. Two examples of a mugging. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
diggory 130 Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 Billy was watching tv and comes downstairs and asks "dad whats love juice ?" His dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex and why a womans vagina gets wet.Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.Dad asks "So what were you watching"? Billy replies .....Wimbledon..... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 my mrs just bought a pair of meatloaf knickers on the front it says i will do anything for love and on the back it says BUT I WONY DO THAT lol. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
welsh power 16 Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 WOMENS LONELY HEARTS ADS What they really mean: ADVENTUROUS = Slut ATHLETIC = No tits 30 SOMETHING = 41 FUN = Annoying WILD = Gets pissed easily BEAUTIFUL EYES = Face like a robber's dog SEEKS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR = Ex-Husbands a f*****g nutter NEW-AGE = Hairy with a smelly fanny HEADSTRONG = Argumentative ENJOYS PUBBING & CLUBBING = Alcoholic CURVY = Fat c**t CUDDLY = Fat c**t LIKES EATING OUT = Greedy fat c**t LIKES NIGHTS IN = Lazy fat c**t 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
welsh power 16 Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 Two Irishmen looking through mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at those gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too." Mick agrees! "I am ordering one of them right now." 3 weeks later, Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet ?" "No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now. Her clothes arrived yesterday Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest alcapone Posted June 29, 2011 Report Share Posted June 29, 2011 Four mates plan the perfect camping trip. Two days before they go paddys wife tells him he's not going. paddys mates are disappointed but decide to go without him anyway! Two days later the three mates arrive at the site to find paddy sitting with a tent set up and bbq going. One says "paddy how did you persuade your wife to let you come?" paddy says "well last night i was sat in my chair and she came to me in a see through nightie,stockings and crotchless panties and led me up the stairs. she hand cuffed herself to the bed and then she said "Do whatever you want!"..........So here i am!!!!!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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