smicker 96 Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Man in bar orders champagne,lady next to him says "what a coincidence ive ordered it too!" MAN-im celebrating LADY-me too MAN-what a coincidence! what you celebrating? LADY-hubby and i have tried for years for a baby,today im pregnant! MAN-what a coincidence,im a farmer and for years my hens were infertile,today they all laid eggs! LADY-WOW! how did that happen? MAN-i used a different cock lady smiled and clinked his glass,and said "what a coincidence!" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smicker 96 Posted June 13, 2011 Report Share Posted June 13, 2011 Waterford man is painting the lounge when his wife walks in and she cant belive how well he's doing,but the sweat is dripping off him. She asks "why are you wearing a jacket and a parker?" waterford man says "Hellooo,read the feckin tin. It says for best results put on two coats!" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
turtlehead 7 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 My wife has left me because of my obsession with Tommy Cooper. One minute she was fine with it and the next she wasnt. Just like that. pick a window... :stinker: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
diggory 130 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday. He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said. The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims. ... Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his uncle Gerald, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today". "Let me give it a guess", uncle Gerald says and sticks his hand in the boys trousers. he plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes his hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old". "How did you know?" the boy asked. Gerald replied, "I heard you tell your father". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rob190364 2,594 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday. He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said. The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims. ... Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his uncle Gerald, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today". "Let me give it a guess", uncle Gerald says and sticks his hand in the boys trousers. he plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes his hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old". "How did you know?" the boy asked. Gerald replied, "I heard you tell your father". FFS!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
salclalin 240 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 I Went out with a Girl Once Who Suffered from OCD.She liked to Have Sex Alphabetically.So first off we Had Anal,then a Blow Job then i Played with Her Clit.Then we Did it Doggy Style,then i said FGH.What's that she Said,I Replied Fecking Going Home.But you Missed out E She Said. No i Havn't I replied i've already Ejaculated Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,443 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .. very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tomm Parr 30 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 David Haye and his plan for world domination Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baghdadnights 150 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Wahey the missus has finally agreed to anal Ps what's a strap on Quote Link to post Share on other sites
salclalin 240 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 Wahey the missus has finally agreed to anal Ps what's a strap on :laugh: :blink: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gratz 8 Posted June 14, 2011 Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 I married a stunning 18 year-old busty lingerie model to stop her from being deported. Thank God Essex girls are so thick. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lee micheal kennels 12 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 some great ones there pmsl Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 I was always in bother as a kid, i used to hate the feeling of my Dads belt buckle smacking me on the arse.... Especially while he was still wearing it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
welshhound2 20 Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 man comes home from the pub and says to his misses..get up them stairs now!,the woman says you kinky bugger! whilst up stairs he says to her..right strip off naked..she replies you kinky bugger! he then says .right do a handstand by the mirror and spread your legs!..she replies you kinky bugger! so she rushes over to the mirror and does a handstand and spreads her legs,suddenly the he lowers his head between her legs and put his chin on her privates and says "the lads down the pub were right a goatie would suit me.." 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 I came home early from work and I could hear my wifes screams coming from the bedroom. I burst through the door to see a man on top of her. She said, "Er .. christian ... er help .. er..er. he's trying to stab me" I said, "Well he's not going to do a lot of damage with his cock. I'll go and get a knife Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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