liverpool

[steve66 3,562]

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a

 

new striker to replace Michael Owen who had gone to Newcastle.

 

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he

 

thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The L'pool manager flies to

 

Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to

 

come over to Anfield.

 

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left.

 

The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he

 

goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game

 

for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are

 

delighted and the media love the new star.

 

When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about

 

his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says.

 

"I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.

 

 

 

Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".

 

"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father

 

got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and

 

your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time!"

 

With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum,

 

except I'm so sorry".

 

"Sorry!" exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in

 

the first place!"

[hairyface 211]

nice one mate

[steve66 3,562]

An old retired sailor puts on his uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. he hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's going at it for ages as best he can for a guy of his age and asks "How am I doing ?" The prostitute replies, "Well Sailor youre doing about 3 knots."- "3 Knots?" he replies, " What's that supposed to mean?".

She says" Your knot hard, your knot in, and your knot getting your fu**in money back !