readie 184 Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!" . . . . . . . . . . . . .. A girl asks her doctor how many calories are there in sperm. Doctor replies "Believe me dear, if you swallow, no one will care how fat you are!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . My wife told me last night that she is fed up with me pushing her around and talking behind her back ... She's in a s*dding wheel chair for goodness sake!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15-ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes... Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonald's do breakfast until 10:30! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?" "I did once and he looked really angry." "Why angry?" “Because he was watching through the window.†. . . . . . . . . . . . .. Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us. She fell at my feet and as I gave her a good seeing to I thought to myself, 's*d me, these taser guns are well worth the money!' . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa... Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake! . . . . . . . . . . . . Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realized I was still on the bus home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gav22 24 Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 haha deadly :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!" . . . . . . . . . . . . .. A girl asks her doctor how many calories are there in sperm. Doctor replies "Believe me dear, if you swallow, no one will care how fat you are!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . My wife told me last night that she is fed up with me pushing her around and talking behind her back ... She's in a s*dding wheel chair for goodness sake!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15-ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes... Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonald's do breakfast until 10:30! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?" "I did once and he looked really angry." "Why angry?" “Because he was watching through the window.†. . . . . . . . . . . . .. Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us. She fell at my feet and as I gave her a good seeing to I thought to myself, 's*d me, these taser guns are well worth the money!' . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa... Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake! . . . . . . . . . . . . Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realized I was still on the bus home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis Rubbish............what age are you!!!.......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Shooter 5 Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 I found the second pretty funny. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
readie 184 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!" . . . . . . . . . . . . .. A girl asks her doctor how many calories are there in sperm. Doctor replies "Believe me dear, if you swallow, no one will care how fat you are!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . My wife told me last night that she is fed up with me pushing her around and talking behind her back ... She's in a s*dding wheel chair for goodness sake!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15-ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes... Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonald's do breakfast until 10:30! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?" "I did once and he looked really angry." "Why angry?" “Because he was watching through the window.†. . . . . . . . . . . . .. Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us. She fell at my feet and as I gave her a good seeing to I thought to myself, 's*d me, these taser guns are well worth the money!' . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa... Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake! . . . . . . . . . . . . Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realized I was still on the bus home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis Rubbish............what age are you!!!.......... mental age or proper age Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!" . . . . . . . . . . . . .. A girl asks her doctor how many calories are there in sperm. Doctor replies "Believe me dear, if you swallow, no one will care how fat you are!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . My wife told me last night that she is fed up with me pushing her around and talking behind her back ... She's in a s*dding wheel chair for goodness sake!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15-ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes... Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonald's do breakfast until 10:30! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?" "I did once and he looked really angry." "Why angry?" “Because he was watching through the window.†. . . . . . . . . . . . .. Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us. She fell at my feet and as I gave her a good seeing to I thought to myself, 's*d me, these taser guns are well worth the money!' . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa... Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake! . . . . . . . . . . . . Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realized I was still on the bus home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis Rubbish............what age are you!!!.......... mental age or proper age Your mental age will be alot less the same as any member of THL............. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
readie 184 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 and the bitch bites back. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
redial 81 Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 KEEP EM COMING WE NEED A LAUGH... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rickymac14 3 Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Good laugh! What's that bloke on about! Stupid goat! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ratkiller 0 Posted March 9, 2011 Report Share Posted March 9, 2011 HAHA Thought they were great.....I guess I have a pretty low mental age as well according to lab tastic Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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