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Guest underdog

Put this up in the shout box but just incase no one seen it...

 

Magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot. Everytime he does a trick the parrot shouts.... its in his pocket..... 4 of clubs..... it's got a false bottom...... The magician f*****g hates it. One night the ship sinks and him and the parrot cling to a piece of drift wood. For four days the parrot says f**k all, just stares at him..... on the fifth day the parrot says, Ok i give up, wheres the f*****g ship???

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Two old age pensioners are having a 69. After 5 minutes he says, "Sorry love the smell"s too bad down there - I can"t carry on." "That"ll be my arthritis," she says. "What? I never heard of anyone having arthritis in their fanny before." "No," she says, "It"s in my arms and hands... I can"t wipe me arse

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I went to the doctor's yesterday. My usual Doc was away and I was seen by a very young and pretty lady Gp who asked all the usual questions and gave me a load of health tips .I was a bit taken aback when just as she started taking my blood pressure she advised me to stop masturbating. Just came right out with it!

When I'd got over the shock I asked why.

Apparently it was making it very hard to take my pulse .....

 

 

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