christian71 3,187 Posted November 21, 2010 Report Share Posted November 21, 2010 •There was 3 moms... 1 was brunette, 1 was a redhead and the other was a blonde. The redhead mom walks into her daughters room and finds a cigarette. She says "I didn't know my daughter smoked." The brunette walks into her daughters room and found a beer can. She say "I didn't know my daughter drank." The blonde walks into her daughters room and finds a condom. She says "I didn't know my daughter had a dick" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
albert64 1,882 Posted November 21, 2010 Report Share Posted November 21, 2010 i was driving down the motorway and the wife says i think those people in that car must be from wales i said what makes you say that well the are writing on the windows and it says stit ruoy su wohs some nutter sent me this g ab n its bang out of order a dwarf woman goes to the doctor and says iv'e got a terrible itch down there so the doctor goes under her dress and she hears snip snip snip doctor; is that better dwarf; no, still itches snip snip snip doctor; is that better dwarf; yes much better what did you do doctor; trimmed the top of your ugg boots i picked my daughter and her asian friend up from ballet my daughter asked if she looked pretty in her white ballerine dress beautifull i said just like a pretty water lilly what about me asked her asian friend well....i said you know when your wipping your arse and your finger goes through the paper you look a bit like that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cold Ethyl 63 Posted November 22, 2010 Report Share Posted November 22, 2010 I caught my girlfriend havinf sex with my best friend i told her to pack her stuff and f**k off.As for him i looked him straight in the eyes and said bad dog no biccies for you today I was driving past a field the other day when i saw a scarecrow trying to have a wank,I thought to myself that fuckers clutching at straws Mummy mummy can i go to the toilet Yes Johnny i`ll take you in a minute Can granny take me? why? Her hand shakes theres more but couldnt put them on a forum id get shot lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
twobob 1,497 Posted November 22, 2010 Report Share Posted November 22, 2010 two old friends meet in the pub how are you pete asks bob pig sick bob says whys that pete asks the wife died oh sorry to hear that what happened says pete bob replys i sent her down the garden for some carrots she was gone for ages so went to look for her she was dead on the path thats awfull says pete what did you do bob replys had to open a can of peas instead of the carrots Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moggy rock 22 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 This rabbit is running along when he comes across a giraffe rolling a fat joint. He goes over to the Giraffe and says "You don't wanna do that, it's bad for you, why don't you come for a run with me?" "I suppose you're right", says the Giraffe, and they go off running together. A short while later they come across a snake. The snake is making a line of coke and is just about to snort it when the rabbit says "You don't wanna do that, it's not good for you. Come for a run with me." The snake looks at the coke in front of him and agrees with him. So the three of them set off running (The snake is obviously not running but slithering next to them) After a while they come across a lion. The lion is hot-spooning heroin. The rabbit says "You definately don't want to do that. It's lowest of the low. Come running with us." At this point the lion jumps up and beats the crap out of the rabbit. The giraffe and snake are appauled by this attack, and ask him why the hell he did that. The lion replied, "Every time that little **** is on Ecstacy he always wants me to go running with him!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,627 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 noc noc Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moggy rock 22 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 noc noc who.s there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 statistics prove that the job women hate more than any other in the world is a blowjob . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 a bloke in our street is going for the woerld record of most wanks in a day he says he is confident he can pull it off . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dc5 0 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 did you hear about the irish thalidomide... he had an arm like a wean`s cock Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 My wife threw me out yesterday as she was so disgusted at catching me measuring my cock..........If you were wondering it just reached the back of her sisters throat..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mexlad 189 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 whats orange and sounds like a parrot ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 whats orange and sounds like a parrot ? A carrot..... Whats brown and sticky....? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mick81 275 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 GOT REALLY EMOTIONAL AT THE PETROL STATION TODAY,I DON,T KNOW WHAT HAPPEND I JUST STARTED TO FILL UP. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mick81 275 Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 STICK UR TONGE OUT..... NOW MOVE IT LEFT TO RIGHT...... NOW UP&DOWN.... CONGRATULATIONS....... YOU HAVE JUST COMPLETED THE STEVEN HAWKINS FITNESS DVD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.