New Government assistance for over 50's

[Shrophunter 7]

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers aged 50yrs and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early)

Persons selected to be RAPE'd can apply to Parliament to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination)

Persons who have been RAPE'd and SHAFT'ed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers)

A person may be RAPE'd once, SHAFT'ed twice and SCREW'ed as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPE'd could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance)

Obviously people who get AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFT'ed or SCREW'ed any further by Parliament.

Workers who are not RAPE'd and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you be among the minority who feel they do not receive enough SHIT from the Government please bring this to the attention of your MP who has been specially trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Yours Faithfully

Committee for the Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)

p.s. Due to budget cuts and the soaring cost of electricity, oil and gas, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

[Guest jimmycent]

hahahaha well done

[keeper 51 78]

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers aged 50yrs and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early)

Persons selected to be RAPE'd can apply to Parliament to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination)

Persons who have been RAPE'd and SHAFT'ed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers)

A person may be RAPE'd once, SHAFT'ed twice and SCREW'ed as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPE'd could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance)

Obviously people who get AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFT'ed or SCREW'ed any further by Parliament.

Workers who are not RAPE'd and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you be among the minority who feel they do not receive enough SHIT from the Government please bring this to the attention of your MP who has been specially trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Yours Faithfully

Committee for the Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)

p.s. Due to budget cuts and the soaring cost of electricity, oil and gas, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

 

welldone your spot on

[samurai 178]

excellent thread mate, how right you are!

[staffs riffraff 1,068]

awesome wit there

[kev2010 8]

First class