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How to offend just about everybody...

 

 

I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment. They have

3 little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back

yard, so I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils!

 

Can you spare just Euro2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia.

He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles

to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no

brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just Euro2.00, we will send you

the video - its hilarious.

 

I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good

morning you ugly prick." It's not yours is it?

 

I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for

donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a

mouthful.

 

Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm

worried now that some of my buddies could be black.

If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?

 

There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:

Trycoxagain.

 

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was

where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

 

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in

cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct

answer

 

George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called

"Oh, She's Eleven."

 

My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the

two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she sucks at snooker &

darts

 

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Durban but I've been

banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

 

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they

drive slowly past schools

 

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe

the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow

lazy b*****d and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

 

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her

twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's

got a moustache."

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:clapping:

How to offend just about everybody...

 

 

I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment. They have

3 little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back

yard, so I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils!

 

Can you spare just Euro2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia.

He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles

to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no

brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just Euro2.00, we will send you

the video - its hilarious.

 

I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good

morning you ugly prick." It's not yours is it?

 

I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for

donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a

mouthful.

 

Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm

worried now that some of my buddies could be black.

If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?

 

There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:

Trycoxagain.

 

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was

where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

 

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in

cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct

answer

 

George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called

"Oh, She's Eleven."

 

My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the

two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she sucks at snooker &

darts

 

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Durban but I've been

banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

 

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they

drive slowly past schools

 

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe

the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow

lazy b*****d and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

 

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her

twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's

got a moustache."

:clapping:

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