Final preperations for my first grandchild

[dave1372 83]

My daughter in law is due her baby in the next fortnight so I thought I would start making preperations for babysitting duties and being a practical person I thought of a couple of things that other future grandparents may also find useful :

 

The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. It includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:

 

 

I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for a child. I thought this would be ideal for my grandchild as the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

 

I have something else that I improvised as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.

 

 

It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

 

I hope all you budding DIY ers find this useful and happy parenting/grandparenting.

Edited August 26, 2010 by dave1372

[CarraghsGem 92]

excellent ideas there, now do you do custom designs? id like something to keep my hubby under control, maybe a shock collar that works long distance that will also shock him if he trys to take it off?

 

perhaps with a built in tracking device as well just to be practical

Edited August 26, 2010 by CarraghsGem

[dave1372 83]

excellent ideas there, now do you do custom designs? id like something to keep my hubby under control, maybe a shock collar that works long distance that will also shock him if he trys to take it off?

 

perhaps with a built in tracking device as well just to be practical

 

Yes, I do have one somewhere in my garage we used to put it on the midget when we were on nights out in the town in Edinburgh it was great for keeping him under control and stopped him from pissing on people when they weren't looking. I will need to look into improvising the tracker though.

 

ATB

 

Dave