Joke

[tdavepat 8]

An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbours dog whilst the neighbours went on their holidays. The only problem was that the spinsters own dog was a bitch that was in season and the neighbour's dog was a male. Nevertheless, she had a large house so she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

 

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep, the spinster was suddenly awakened by awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, howling in obvious pain and unable to disengage. Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.

 

Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet, and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone. The spinster explained the problem.

 

The vet said, "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

 

"Oh," said the spinster, "Do you think that will work?"

 

"Well," the vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME !!!!"

[CarraghsGem 92]

[terrier410 53]

very good just stole it for facebook hope ya dont mind

[pattstaff 157]

:: The Top 10 funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival:

 

1. Tim Vine: ''I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.''

 

2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): ''I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.''

 

3. Emo Philips: ''I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.''

 

4. Jack Whitehall: ''I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.''

 

5. Gary Delaney: ''As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.''

 

6. John Bishop: ''Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.''

 

7. Bo Burnham: ''What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.''

 

8. Gary Delaney: ''Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.''

 

9. Robert White: ''For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.''

 

10. Gareth Richards: ''Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub.''

 

:: Jokes nominated by judges as the worst at the Fringe included:

Sara Pascoe: ''Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.''

Sean Hughes: ''You know city-centre beat officers... Well are they police who rap?''

Gyles Brandreth: ''I've got nothing against lesbians. I mean, that's the point isn't it?''

Doc Brown: ''I was born into the music industry. My dad worked in Our Price.''

John Luke Roberts: ''I made a Battenberg where the two colours ran alongside each other. I called it apartheid sponge.''

Sarah Millican: ''I bought a cross-trainer to keep fit. I suppose that it's not enough to just buy it.''

Bec Hill: ''Some of my best friends are vegan. They were going to come today but they didn't have the energy to climb up the stairs.''

Dan Antopolski: ''How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.''

Andi Osho: ''Floella Benjamin is in the House of Lords. How did she get in, through the round window?''

Gareth Richards: ''My mother is always taking photographs of me - she said if you disappear tomorrow I want you to look good on the news.''

Emo Phillips: ''I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.