A few jokes to cheer you all up

[murphymax 9]

Experts are worried about President Obama's mental state

after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland,

following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins.

 

A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her,

"That's the cleanest vagina I've seen!" The lesbian replied, "Yes, I

have a woman in twice a week!"

 

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy

said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."

His wife asked, "What is that?"

Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I

pick your legs up and take you from behind!"

His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it

hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my

mother's house!"

 

My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's

daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I

hope you used something though?"

He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!

 

[CarraghsGem 92]

[watchman 256]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are lying in bed one night.

Sherlock goes to the kitchen and comes back with a jar of lemon curd.

quickly he turns Watson over and smears it around his bum!

"Sherlock what the f**k are you doing?"Watson gasps.

Sherlock smiles and replies

"A LEMON ENTRY MY DEAR WATSON".

[bobwood8 1]

adam and eve just finish having sex , adam rolls over and goes to sleep eve goes to the river to wash her tush ,

god looks down and says dont do that eve all the fish will smell like that now

[gerryd 0]

did u hear the one about the poof that fell.................. hahahaaaaaaaa ...he got up himself hehehehehhhhh

[gerryd 0]

what about thev 2 poofs in the haunted house .... they gave each other the wullies hohohohohooooooooots

[gerryd 0]

2 loonys in the asylum ,wan says 2 the other , ok tonight ill shine ma torch beam onto the top of the barrier wall an you climb up it to escape . his loony pal says back to him .... awe no no no no no ,u think im daft or somethin cos i know [bANNED TEXT] im halfway up the beam youll switch the torch aff

[gerryd 0]

i met a farmer that bred 12 legged chickens, i asked him why 12 legged ,he says ,well me an the wife an we got 10 children ,we all like a leg each.i thout to myself ,cooooooool then i asked ,what do they taste like an he replied ,a dont know ive never fekin caught one yet ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[gerryd 0]

young lad wi parkinsons desease goes to ice cream van an asks for an icecream cone , seller asks him ok son what flavour ice cream you want , strawberry rasberry bannana or vanilla ,youngster replies ,put any flavour you like on it as its gonna fall off anyway

[gerryd 0]

hope yr all laughing yr sses off an i apologise if anyone feels offended

[Lab 10,979]

young lad wi parkinsons desease goes to ice cream van an asks for an icecream cone , seller asks him ok son what flavour ice cream you want , strawberry rasberry bannana or vanilla ,youngster replies ,put any flavour you like on it as its gonna fall off anyway

Thats totally shite but funny as f**k, if that makes sense......

[dogsbollocks58 36]

ONE DAY THERE WAS TWO BOYS PLAYING BY A STREAM.ONE OF THE YOUNG BOYS SAW A BUSH AND WENT OVER TO IT AND THE OTHER BOY COULD,t FIGURE OUT WHY HIS FRIEEND WAS AT THE BUSH SO LONG, THE OTHER BOY WENT OVER TO THE BUSH AND LOOKED.THE TWO BOYS WERE LOOKING AT A WOMAN BATHING NAKED IN THE STEAM. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE SECOND BOY TOOK OFF RUNNING.THE FIRST BOY COULDN,T UNDERSTAND WHY HE RAN AWAY SO HE TOOK OFF AFTER HIS FRIEND FINALLY, HE CAUGHT UP TO HIM AND ASKED WHY HE RAN AWAY.THE BOY SAID TO HIS FRIEND."MY MOM TOLD ME IF I EVER SAW A NAKED LADY I WOULD TURN TO STONE AND I FELT SOMETHING GETTING HARD, SO I RAN

[dogsbollocks58 36]

A blonde and brunette are living togerther.the brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. the brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. the blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide,the brunette said, "you put it around your NECK" the blonde replied, "i tried that but i couldn,t BREATHE!

[dogsbollocks58 36]

A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE ARE TAKING A WALK, AND THE BURNETTE GOSE, "OH LOOK A DEAD BIRD, "AND THE BLONDE LOOKS UP AT THE SKY AND GOSE WHERE

[dogsbollocks58 36]

ONE NIGHT, AS A COUPLE LAY DOWN FOR BED, THE HUSBAND GENTLY TAPS HIS WIFE ON THE SHOULDER AND STARTS RUBBING HER ARM, THE WIFE TURNS OVER AND SAY "IM SORRY HONEY ,I"VE GOT A GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT TOMORROW AND I WANT TO STAY FRESH ""THE HUSNAND, REJECTED,TURNS OVER AND TRIES TO SLEEP.A FEW MINUTES LATER,HE ROLLS BACK OVER AND TAPS HIS WIFE AGAIN"THIS TIME HE WHISPERS IN HER EAR, DO YOU HAVE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT TOMORROW TOO"""