anyone applying for a job ??

[SEAN3513 7]

B & Q JOB APPLICATION

 

 

 

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner

submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells

 

They hired him because he was so funny.....

 

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy b*****d)

 

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at

least one who will cooperate)

 

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director.

But seriously, whatever's available.

If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the

first place - would I?

 

 

DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair

style redundancy package.

If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

 

 

EDUCATION: Yes.

 

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

 

 

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

 

 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens

and post-it notes.

 

 

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It was a crap job.

 

 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

 

 

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

 

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a

more intimate environment.

 

 

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

 

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM

LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

Of what?

 

 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would

be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

 

 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free

Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

 

 

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

 

 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel

with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

 

 

NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles

 

 

 

 

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes, absolutely.

 

 

 

 

 

sean

[just jack 998]

mint

[Kay 3,709]

:laugh:

[bedrock 16]

Id give him a job.

[pencoed hunter 7]

lmao

[Attack Fell Terrier 864]

Hahahaha, fair play to the cheeky old git.

[watchman 256]

sounds like a right character,fair play to him

[dogs-n-natives 1,182]

[doga 50]

lol a sense of humour is always good.

[Lee85 44]