NEW JOKE

[christian71 3,187]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

[Night Hunter 109]

ver near choked on ma dinner....

[Lab 10,979]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse...................

[christian71 3,187]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse...................

 

I can get worse watch this space

[christian71 3,187]

What do Gordon the Gopher and thomas the tank engine have in common?

 

they have the same middle name.

[Lab 10,979]

What do Gordon the Gopher and thomas the tank engine have in common?

 

they have the same middle name.

Oh dear oh dear ........

 

2 poofs called Paul and Barry go to a theme park, they have a great day going on all the rides. Just before they leave Paul turns to Barry and says "Fancy a go on the big wheel"..? Barry says "No i'm to scared"

So off Paul goes himself and gets on the big wheel. It goes round and round then all of a sudden a bolt flies of and the wheel comes crashing to the ground. Barry hunts threw the carnage to find Paul.. cut, bleeding and stuck under all the twisted metal. "Are you hurt"? Barry asks.....

"Of course i'm hurt, i went round twice and you never even waved to me"!!!!!

[christian71 3,187]

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

 

Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.

 

She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

 

Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their placs at the dinner table, nobody says a word.

 

A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.

 

Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

 

With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, "Okay, I'll do the fecking dishes!"

[Lab 10,979]

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

 

Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.

 

She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

 

Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their placs at the dinner table, nobody says a word.

 

A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.

 

Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

 

With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, "Okay, I'll do the fecking dishes!"

Cracker!!

[christian71 3,187]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse...................

 

I can get worse watch this space

 

Was the 1st one funny if not there will be more lab

[Lab 10,979]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse...................

 

I can get worse watch this space

 

Was the 1st one funny if not there will be more lab

I worried to say "no" now..................bring them on

[christian71 3,187]

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.

Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.

Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.

The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

 

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.

Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

 

The moral of the story?

 

(sing)

 

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, for the mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse...................

 

I can get worse watch this space

 

Was the 1st one funny if not there will be more lab

I worried to say "no" now..................bring them on

 

A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing ?"

His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"

Boy say, "Do her d*ggy style I want a puppy

[christian71 3,187]

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier

[christian71 3,187]

4 men were stranded in a desert.

Suddenly, 1 of them died.

The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.

The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."

The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."

The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"

[fitchet 788]

little tommy walks in on his mum and dad having a quick one tommy sai what are you doing but his dad loughs and saysfuckofff and go see your nan so tommy goes to see his nan after his dads finished he goes to see tommy as he walks into his bedroom tomy has his nan bent over the bed giving her one. when he sees his dad face hesays . . . . . . .

 

 

 

ITS NOTSO f*****g FUNNY WHEN ITS YOUR MOM IS IT

[christian71 3,187]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to a piss!!"

 

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

 

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

 

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"