nod 285 Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. ..........None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. ..........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. ......There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stainlee 27 Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 Brilliant!!!!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kev2010 8 Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 women.you can't live with em & you can't live without em. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,627 Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) you woman carnt moan you would be lost with out us. ::lol :headshot:: Edited July 15, 2010 by tb25 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CarraghsGem 92 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 we wouldnt be lost without ya;- we would be cracking open the champagne! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,627 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 ya ya lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
slingshot82 32 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 What a laugh Kyle Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bert the fert 28 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks for that, it was hilarious [ and absolutely spot on ! ] Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SNAP SHOT 194 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 now thats bloody brill, nice one................... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mastiff 7 Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 I found that very funny, the Mrs didn't Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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