Bit of a tale

[swamper 11]

not laughs so much in f****n ages pmsl

 

you know he caught that dirty bitch stuck across two paki's...i mean how would you like it"..

[swamper 11]

Johny Rocko turned up in the flats where i was liveing at the time

going out with a bird thats as f****d up as he was...the name...mad maureen

she lived next to r kids bird

one day r kid phones me up and say you got to come and see this

so i poped round and theres rocko in mad maureens flat screaming 9 foors up, at people

going "f**k your f*****g tea spoons" and the throwing spoons at people walking past

 

then one day i was haveing some work done on the flat so the front door was open

i went in to the kitchin to make a brew on on walking back into mi front room

found mad maureen sat on mi setee....a bit shocked....i asked her what she wanted

to wich she replyed "nothing much just wanted to have a look at your carpet"

such was the way with maureen...she would walk round flats trying doors...if it opend she went in

she had a cat that she put in the lift so it could go out and just sent it down and when she

wanted it to come back in she went down to get it and it used to rip sheds out off her all the way back up in the lift everyday

one day i got in the lift with her and she had 2 carrier bags full of booze...bottles of wisky and vodka

so i asks if shes haveing a party to she said yep

i said youve got plenty to go round....she just looke at me like i was stupid...and said this is mine

then i spoted a carton of orange in one of the bags

so i asked if it was for mixing with the drinks.....no she said...its for them that dont bring any booze

cant fault the girl

and she had been takeing fashion tips of rocko

Edited March 23, 2007 by swamper

[swamper 11]

heres a quick one, on one of the loons i know, it was a few years ago in the summertime,i bumped into frank, hes the local nutter that rides round on a mountain bike with the whippet trotting beside ,can of special brew in one hand and a joint hanging out of his gob,frank doesnt really speak he sort of growls and grumbles, and his pitch changes when hes getting enthusiastic about somthing,hes a white fella with dreadlocks and only ever wears camo ,hes in his late forties now and has hardly any teeth left ,we started communicating the best we could and i sort of made out that he wanted a favour,and it was somthing to do with the pick up truck i was driving,i said o.k and he chucked his bike into the back of the truck,and we were off ,he was pointing and grumbling the way,after about twenty minutes we arrived at the back entrance to a zoo ,where there was a pile of old 6ft x 3ft doors and a mountain of steaming shit,he looked at me and chuckled and started loading the doors on the truck ,and they were heavy b*****ds,it took us a good half hour to load em all on to the truck and strap em up safely,when wed finished that,i sat in the truck and started to roll a fag,then i saw frank scrambling to the top of the steaming shit pile,he came down covered in shit with both his hands stretching out the bottom of his t.shirt,concealing what turned out to be about a dozen tomatoes ,that obviously one of the animals had eaten and the seeds had been shit out and had regrown at the top of the shit pile,anyway he had a big grin on his face and i thouhght mission accomplished ,we got back to his house unloaded all the doors dragged em through into his back yard,i cant call it a garden,we stacked them all neatly,sweat pouring now,he sort of growled do you want a drink,i said yeah and we went inside to the kitchen,where he opened the fridge ,to put in his nice tomatoes, that he didnt even wash,and i couldnt help notice the fresh pigs head staring back out of the fridge at me, i said is that for the dogs frank,no he said thats me dinner oh right i said,i had my drink and by now i just wanted to feck off,so i said right ive got to be off frank ,cheers he says,just as i was going out i asked him what he was gonna do with the doors ,[im gonna burn em! he says with a big smile on his face,i couldnt believe it ,a mornings work, diesel and sweat, and the c**ts aving a bonfire. i f****d off quick.

 

 

[Chaz 6]

 

Absolute class all of `em

[Guest JDF]

bloody hell!i've enjoyed this one.

[col19 0]

great storys i think every one no,s someone wi a great tale