Bit of a tale

[Wilky 0]

SMELLY GORDON

 

I don't rightly know where to begin with this, so I'll get on and wing it. My mate was round at our house today, mythering me, because I'm on nights, and we were talking about old dogs and old dog men etc. and we were having a right old laugh about smelly Gordon. He's still alive and well is old smelly, but I don't often see him these days and only ever speak to him on the phone every six months or so, but I've got to say what a bloody character, he's well worth a mention.

 

I first met Gordon in 1978 when I bought a red bitch from him, out of his old bitch Bella to a big Border cross called Zak. I think it's fair to give him credit for the bitch Bella, she is probably one of the hardest bitches I have ever seen work and once I got to know Gordon, every time I spoke to him I tried to buy that bitch, she was nothing special to look at, a pretty smooth coated red bitch, a bit long in the back and a bit small in the head, but what a fantastic piece of work and especially good in rock and it didn't matter how big the pile, big bad spots that were and still are notorious for losing dogs, such as The Big House, Grip On and Spencer Parkinsons, this bitch worked them all with ease, she made them look like a little ash set. She did come unstuck occasionally and she was trapped in a pile on Swalesmoor for 14 days once over and came out unscathed apart from being very thin, but a lot better than the fox behind her, which was long dead, I can't rightly remember the year without looking in the F&MWTC year books, but it's in there if anyone's interested.

 

Anyway back to meeting Smelly, and I know I shouldn't really call him that, but we always have, I turned up at his house with Scoff to see this bitch, which was just two and doing well and supposedly very hard, and bloody hell was she, but not so much as Bella, she was a nice looking bitch, big head built like a dog not a bitch and a bit undershot, which didn't bother me. I was in my late teens then and maybe a bit wet behind the lugs, not that mattered, the bitch was right.

Gordon took me into his back yard to see the bitch and his back yard can only be described as a shit hole, that's what it was like then and probably still is, I suppose Gordon in those days was a bit of a dog dealer, he always had a dog for sale and if he didn't he could get you one inside of a week or so.

 

So we were looking at the bitch and having a bit of a call, when this woman hangs out of a bedroom window, shouting "Gordon, Gordon" and he's throwing a deaf un, well this woman looks like a well worn Billy dog with less teeth and what looked like curlers in her hair, but they could just as easily have been maggots, and I said "Gordon your mother wants you" and he just looked at her, then at me and said "It's my wife mate, what about the dog".......... bloody hell did I feel a twat.

 

Well I bought the bitch and she did really well for me, until we lost her two years later in Dewsbury, but it's not about the bitch it's about Gordon, so I'll describe him for you.

 

Gordon had shoulder length thick bushy bright ginger hair, his eyes were like a bloody fruit machine, if it wasn't for his nose, his eyes would have been fighting, he had a bright ginger 'tache that just stuck straight out, it didn't grow downwards and there was all kinds in it, egg, beans, peas, crawly things, you name it, he always wore the same brown crimplene kecks, which were so well worn and not washed that they shone with body grease and sweat, and it didn't matter what jumper he wore I never saw one that met up with his kecks, there was always about 3 inch of belly showing, with a big ginger covered belly button, he always, always had one hand down the back of his pants, scratting away at his arse, and this hand only ever came out to roll something between his fingers and your guess is as good as mine as to what it was, old newspaper, San Izal bog roll, turd, who knows. And Gordon's is the only house that I've ever seen San Izal in and I've worked in some places when contracting for the council, it's that slippy, like shiny greaseproof paper, that if you wiped your arse with it, you would have skid mark up to your shoulder blades and dislocate your elbow into the bargain. So it's fair to say he's no oil painting then eh.

 

The things that I've seen at that house over the years are unbelievable and would fill a book easily. I once went to look at a litter of pups out of Bella, with my mate Wilf, and at the time I was living on a farm, not mine, I just rented the farm cottage with my wife, only we weren't wed then, and I had a couple of mystles for the dogs and a small patch of a field for chickens, which I went halves on with Wilf, mostly layers, but a few game birds and Gordon knew all this, so we were calling in the kitchen and Gordon says "You two keep poultry, come and have a look at my Muscovi's" so me and Wilf head towards the back yard, but Gordon sets off towards the front door, so we follow him and he's away upstairs, "Come on" so we followed him to the spare bedroom and my eyes nearly fell out of my head, he had ducks in the spare bedroom and the floor was so full of shit, that you couldn't see the skirting boards. A mouse went flying across the back wall and Gordon goes "Did you see that, it's that dirty b*****d next door with the pigeons"

 

I once made the fatal mistake of going to pick something up from Gordon's with Jan in the car with me, as we pulled up her face was a picture, needless to say, she never got out of the motor, I picked up whatever it was and was on my way, she never said a word all the way home, absolutely dumbstruck at the picturesque property Chez Smelly. Anyway when we got out of the car she says "Go…..and …..get…..a…..shower…..you…..bleeding…..stink"

I don't think I did, but you always got that feeling of being a bit lousy when you left his house, and from then on, there was always too soap dishes in our bathroom, one for the Imperial Leather or whatever and one for the Derbac, for when I'd been to Gordon's.

 

I guess I'm painting a pretty bad picture of Gordon, but truth be known, I have always had a lot of time for him, he was as straight as a dye and you were always made welcome and offered a brew, and I've got to say, that's the only house that I've never ever had a pot of tea in, it's something about his hand down the back of his kecks and then straight into the tea bags, although I know lads that did have a drink. He could always sort you out with a terrier or lurcher and he always told the truth about them.

 

At any one time you could go to his house and see terriers, lurchers, ferrets, goats, chickens, bantams, geese, budgies, fleas, lice, mites, all bloody sorts and it was a bit of a standing joke that 50 yards behind his house was an urban farm, not a bloody patch on Smelly's place.

 

I could go on and on, you could write a book about the lad, but I'm going to leave it at that for now, I guess it was just to point out that this game would be a lot duller without the characters in it, and there's been plenty of em, Gordon is a Halifax lad, but we had Terry Bond, the dirty git, the Littleborough lads had Tommy Hancock, now he could sort you a terrier. And even though I know Gordon well, there are lads that know him a lot better, Scoff, Swainy, Joe Gaigan (And for the Irish lads, I know you don't spell it like that, it's something like Gheogorhan) Joe would be worth a tale, he was a bit of a lad, he worked for my father in the wire mill.

 

So now, come on, who's next to brighten us up with a tale of a local character, because there's one everywhere, and all these moaning gets saying that the posts are getting boring must know of somebody, let's all be hearing about them.

Edited November 15, 2006 by Wilky

[ratcher 69]

brillient :11:

[staffy-1 0]

excellent read mate

[Guest midnight_runner]

that reminds me of a few years ago of an old jypo i got a dog off of it was a beddy greyhound we were sitting talking about hounds and poaching and certain estates we had both been poaching when he offerd me a cup of tea didnt want to ofend him so i said yes half way through and he says think your self fortunit thats the dogs cup i nearly choked to death :11: :11: i learned a lot from that old man god rest

[bondy 0]

nice one mate

[J Darcy 5,871]

Great tale matey

[Guest baldie]

that reminds me of a few years ago of an old jypo i got a dog off of it was a beddy greyhound we were sitting talking about hounds and poaching and certain estates we had both been poaching when he offerd me a cup of tea didnt want to ofend him so i said yes half way through and he says think your self fortunit thats the dogs cup i nearly choked to death :11: :11: i learned a lot from that old man god rest

 

 

:11: Theres a farmer at hebden bridge, who has the hunt on regular, and its a choice establishment , a bit like gordons.We were having a brew and a ham sandwich, after a good morning, and the farm collie was sat, growling at my mate.He said to the farmer, whats up wi that fecker? and as above... nowt lad, thas just drinkin out of his pot, thats all Smashing fella though, always a drink and best ham butties for the lads, and he would have the hounds there every day of the year, if he could.

[Guest MOLLY]

his eyes were like a bloody fruit machine, if it wasn't for his nose, his eyes would have been fighting

"Did you see that, it's that dirty b*****d next door with the pigeons"

Just spat tea on the screen ....class.

MOLL.

[Wilky 0]

that reminds me of a few years ago of an old jypo i got a dog off of it was a beddy greyhound we were sitting talking about hounds and poaching and certain estates we had both been poaching when he offerd me a cup of tea didnt want to ofend him so i said yes half way through and he says think your self fortunit thats the dogs cup i nearly choked to death :11: :11: i learned a lot from that old man god rest

 

 

:11: Theres a farmer at hebden bridge, who has the hunt on regular, and its a choice establishment , a bit like gordons.We were having a brew and a ham sandwich, after a good morning, and the farm collie was sat, growling at my mate.He said to the farmer, whats up wi that fecker? and as above... nowt lad, thas just drinkin out of his pot, thats all Smashing fella though, always a drink and best ham butties for the lads, and he would have the hounds there every day of the year, if he could.

 

 

If you're coming from the Halifax side, left at the lights by the stone bridge and up the steep winding road through the woods?

[Guest baldie]

that reminds me of a few years ago of an old jypo i got a dog off of it was a beddy greyhound we were sitting talking about hounds and poaching and certain estates we had both been poaching when he offerd me a cup of tea didnt want to ofend him so i said yes half way through and he says think your self fortunit thats the dogs cup i nearly choked to death :11: :11: i learned a lot from that old man god rest

 

 

:11: Theres a farmer at hebden bridge, who has the hunt on regular, and its a choice establishment , a bit like gordons.We were having a brew and a ham sandwich, after a good morning, and the farm collie was sat, growling at my mate.He said to the farmer, whats up wi that fecker? and as above... nowt lad, thas just drinkin out of his pot, thats all Smashing fella though, always a drink and best ham butties for the lads, and he would have the hounds there every day of the year, if he could.

 

 

If you're coming from the Halifax side, left at the lights by the stone bridge and up the steep winding road through the woods?

 

you,ve been to bernards too? smashing fella aint he?

[Guest oneredtrim]

.

Edited January 17, 2008 by oneredtrim

[sniffer 167]

SMELLY GORDON

 

I don't rightly know where to begin with this, so I'll get on and wing it. My mate was round at our house today, mythering me, because I'm on nights, and we were talking about old dogs and old dog men etc. and we were having a right old laugh about smelly Gordon. He's still alive and well is old smelly, but I don't often see him these days and only ever speak to him on the phone every six months or so, but I've got to say what a bloody character, he's well worth a mention.

 

I first met Gordon in 1978 when I bought a red bitch from him, out of his old bitch Bella to a big Border cross called Zak. I think it's fair to give him credit for the bitch Bella, she is probably one of the hardest bitches I have ever seen work and once I got to know Gordon, every time I spoke to him I tried to buy that bitch, she was nothing special to look at, a pretty smooth coated red bitch, a bit long in the back and a bit small in the head, but what a fantastic piece of work and especially good in rock and it didn't matter how big the pile, big bad spots that were and still are notorious for losing dogs, such as The Big House, Grip On and Spencer Parkinsons, this bitch worked them all with ease, she made them look like a little ash set. She did come unstuck occasionally and she was trapped in a pile on Swalesmoor for 14 days once over and came out unscathed apart from being very thin, but a lot better than the fox behind her, which was long dead, I can't rightly remember the year without looking in the F&MWTC year books, but it's in there if anyone's interested.

 

Anyway back to meeting Smelly, and I know I shouldn't really call him that, but we always have, I turned up at his house with Scoff to see this bitch, which was just two and doing well and supposedly very hard, and bloody hell was she, but not so much as Bella, she was a nice looking bitch, big head built like a dog not a bitch and a bit undershot, which didn't bother me. I was in my late teens then and maybe a bit wet behind the lugs, not that mattered, the bitch was right.

Gordon took me into his back yard to see the bitch and his back yard can only be described as a shit hole, that's what it was like then and probably still is, I suppose Gordon in those days was a bit of a dog dealer, he always had a dog for sale and if he didn't he could get you one inside of a week or so.

 

So we were looking at the bitch and having a bit of a call, when this woman hangs out of a bedroom window, shouting "Gordon, Gordon" and he's throwing a deaf un, well this woman looks like a well worn Billy dog with less teeth and what looked like curlers in her hair, but they could just as easily have been maggots, and I said "Gordon your mother wants you" and he just looked at her, then at me and said "It's my wife mate, what about the dog".......... bloody hell did I feel a twat.

 

Well I bought the bitch and she did really well for me, until we lost her two years later in Dewsbury, but it's not about the bitch it's about Gordon, so I'll describe him for you.

 

Gordon had shoulder length thick bushy bright ginger hair, his eyes were like a bloody fruit machine, if it wasn't for his nose, his eyes would have been fighting, he had a bright ginger 'tache that just stuck straight out, it didn't grow downwards and there was all kinds in it, egg, beans, peas, crawly things, you name it, he always wore the same brown crimplene kecks, which were so well worn and not washed that they shone with body grease and sweat, and it didn't matter what jumper he wore I never saw one that met up with his kecks, there was always about 3 inch of belly showing, with a big ginger covered belly button, he always, always had one hand down the back of his pants, scratting away at his arse, and this hand only ever came out to roll something between his fingers and your guess is as good as mine as to what it was, old newspaper, San Izal bog roll, turd, who knows. And Gordon's is the only house that I've ever seen San Izal in and I've worked in some places when contracting for the council, it's that slippy, like shiny greaseproof paper, that if you wiped your arse with it, you would have skid mark up to your shoulder blades and dislocate your elbow into the bargain. So it's fair to say he's no oil painting then eh.

 

The things that I've seen at that house over the years are unbelievable and would fill a book easily. I once went to look at a litter of pups out of Bella, with my mate Wilf, and at the time I was living on a farm, not mine, I just rented the farm cottage with my wife, only we weren't wed then, and I had a couple of mystles for the dogs and a small patch of a field for chickens, which I went halves on with Wilf, mostly layers, but a few game birds and Gordon knew all this, so we were calling in the kitchen and Gordon says "You two keep poultry, come and have a look at my Muscovi's" so me and Wilf head towards the back yard, but Gordon sets off towards the front door, so we follow him and he's away upstairs, "Come on" so we followed him to the spare bedroom and my eyes nearly fell out of my head, he had ducks in the spare bedroom and the floor was so full of shit, that you couldn't see the skirting boards. A mouse went flying across the back wall and Gordon goes "Did you see that, it's that dirty b*****d next door with the pigeons"

 

I once made the fatal mistake of going to pick something up from Gordon's with Jan in the car with me, as we pulled up her face was a picture, needless to say, she never got out of the motor, I picked up whatever it was and was on my way, she never said a word all the way home, absolutely dumbstruck at the picturesque property Chez Smelly. Anyway when we got out of the car she says "Go…..and …..get…..a…..shower…..you…..bleeding…..stink"

I don't think I did, but you always got that feeling of being a bit lousy when you left his house, and from then on, there was always too soap dishes in our bathroom, one for the Imperial Leather or whatever and one for the Derbac, for when I'd been to Gordon's.

 

I guess I'm painting a pretty bad picture of Gordon, but truth be known, I have always had a lot of time for him, he was as straight as a dye and you were always made welcome and offered a brew, and I've got to say, that's the only house that I've never ever had a pot of tea in, it's something about his hand down the back of his kecks and then straight into the tea bags, although I know lads that did have a drink. He could always sort you out with a terrier or lurcher and he always told the truth about them.

 

At any one time you could go to his house and see terriers, lurchers, ferrets, goats, chickens, bantams, geese, budgies, fleas, lice, mites, all bloody sorts and it was a bit of a standing joke that 50 yards behind his house was an urban farm, not a bloody patch on Smelly's place.

 

I could go on and on, you could write a book about the lad, but I'm going to leave it at that for now, I guess it was just to point out that this game would be a lot duller without the characters in it, and there's been plenty of em, Gordon is a Halifax lad, but we had Terry Bond, the dirty git, the Littleborough lads had Tommy Hancock, now he could sort you a terrier. And even though I know Gordon well, there are lads that know him a lot better, Scoff, Swainy, Joe Gaigan (And for the Irish lads, I know you don't spell it like that, it's something like Gheogorhan) Joe would be worth a tale, he was a bit of a lad, he worked for my father in the wire mill.

 

So now, come on, who's next to brighten us up with a tale of a local character, because there's one everywhere, and all these moaning gets saying that the posts are getting boring must know of somebody, let's all be hearing about them.

good read mate

[diggory 130]

cracking yarn wilkie

[hairyface 211]

laughing my head off at that story oneredtrim, brilliant

[J Darcy 5,871]

top class red trim....