chimp 299 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 A man walks into the chemist and says "Have you got any KY jelly? She says "No sorry, have you tried Boots"? The man replies "Am wanting to slide in no f*****g march in"!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chimp 299 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she was pregnant by the black boyfriend, she was discussing baby names the other day, apparently ‘Terry the Chocolate Orange’ is not an appropriate name and enough to get me the sack! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest stewie Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Two guys went hunting. The one guy went over to a stump to take a crap. He falls asleep while doing his buisness, and the other guy shoots and guts his deer. For a joke he puts the deer guts under his sleeping buddy. He walks away. Later he comes back just as the guy is pulling his pants back up. He asked him if anything exciting happened and the guy said, "I shit out my intestines so I shoved them back up my ass!". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chimp 299 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Two guys went hunting. The one guy went over to a stump to take a crap. He falls asleep while doing his buisness, and the other guy shoots and guts his deer. For a joke he puts the deer guts under his sleeping buddy. He walks away. Later he comes back just as the guy is pulling his pants back up. He asked him if anything exciting happened and the guy said, "I shit out my intestines so I shoved them back up my ass!". lol nice one Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Top gags lads... but this is my last 1, bored of fecking typing............ A policeman comes to tell a irish women about her husbands horrible drowning in a vat of beer at the brewery. She sobs saying "Oh the poor man, i hope he didn't suffer much" The policeman says "I dont think so, he came out three times for a pish"!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
matmorgan 49 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 bloke is on a hunting holiday with his mrs.after along days hunting shes tired and goes to bed.hes still buzzin from the day so goes to the local pub to meet some hunters and have a drink.every one asks him about his day and he replys.great but im the best hunter ever ...i can tell what animal was shot with what weapon just by feeling the skin and all this blindfolded.no one believes him so each take it in turns betting him a pint and bringing a skin.fist bloke comes in....kudoo killed with 6.5 x55.shit thats good they reply but couldve bin lucky.next bloke comes in....springbok with a 243.holy crap he really is good they reply.this goes on all night..bear with spere...hog 44magnum etc etc.the old boy has had a great night impressing everyone with his skills is a fair bit drunk and decides to go back to his digs for a kip.he wakes in the morning with hangover goes to see himself in the mirror and notices a dirty great black eye.asks his mrs.what the blazes happened...i had a great night everyone down the pub loved me.she replys.you got into bed stuck your hand down me nikkers and said skunk killed with an axe so i klumped you you twat!!!!. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chimp 299 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Top gags lads... but this is my last 1, bored of fecking typing............ A policeman comes to tell a irish women about her husbands horrible drowning in a vat of beer at the brewery. She sobs saying "Oh the poor man, i hope he didn't suffer much" The policeman says "I dont think so, he came out three times for a pish"!! my copy and paste is screwed lol , no more from me atb Quote Link to post Share on other sites
look up 406 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 young boy playing with his train set .when his mum over hears him saying those getting off. f*****g hury up and those staying on. hope the f*****g train crash. so mum come in tells the boy off and send him to his bedroom for 2 hours . when he comes back down and starts playing with his train set agian. he say those disinbarking have a nice day and those who are up set with the 2hour delay blame the fat c**t in the kitchen !! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 A boy comes home from school and walking up his garden path he passes a man coming out his house.the man looks at him and says "Hey harry potter" the boy says "aye very clever cause of my glasses" no says the man "ive just murdered your parents"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
look up 406 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 (edited) a couple of old boy are on there way home from a bolls match .when they hit a black boy off his bike. so one of them jump out and putts him and the bike in the boot with the bolls.100yard down the road they get pulled over the police man opens the boot .and say sarg theres a nigers nest ones hatched and already nicked bike!! Edited May 16, 2010 by look up Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Its the 30th of april 1945 hitler has just shot himself.arriving@the gates of heaven he is greeted by st peter. "Oh its yourself adolf.if we knew you were coming we would have baked a kike"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mackay 3,400 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Woman comes out the shower and is examining herself in the mirror, I'd like my breasts to be bigger she says to her husband who is watching her. What do you think?. Take some toilet paper and rub it between your tits every day he says, will that work she asks, did with your arse he replies. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 What runs up walls along ceilings and kills jews? GAS PIPES! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
watchman 256 Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Maybe your next wan will be funny? LOL, atleast I'm trying. Ok lets go then............ Did you hear about the gay wizard? Disappeared wi a poof! .........................tumbleweed....... funnier than the joke Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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