Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 Was on my way out of the house last saturday when I shouted to my wife. "I'm just nipping to the bookies love, going to have a few bets on the football". "Ok", she replied, "that's fine dear". This really shocked me as I was expecting her to kick off, but with her being so nice about it I shouted back, "I might even have a cheeky bet on the grand national". "Don't push it", she yelled back. Best tip I've ever had. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 Did you hear about the dyslexic Swedish lesbian who was seen licking her partner's volvo? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wild_and_Irish 11 Posted April 16, 2010 Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 was talking to some young lads last thursday who were looking through the horses for the grand national, i gave thm my pick- don't push it, and they all told me i was wrong... went out friday night and didnt wake til after the race, hadn't laid bets myself Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MR TEA POT 1,287 Posted April 16, 2010 Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I was walking down the street when suddenly a sausge dropped at my feet,followed by a burger then a chicken hit me on the shoulder i turned to my mate and said "what the fecks going on" he replied "its the fallout from the iceland cloud" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 Question for the leaders debate. "When are we going to see Sophie Webster fingering her girlfriend in Corrie?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I just watched a film about a couple who bought a haunted yoghurt. It's called Paranormal Activia. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 My new girlfriend has a pierced clitoris with a diamond stud in it. Posh c**t. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 What's the difference between Poland and my pencil case? My pencil case has a ruler. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I don't know what the Polish are all crying about. They can easily get a new cabinet in IKEA Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a penis ... only smaller". I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job today. "Really!?" "No," she replied, "April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...." That'll teach her to try to be funny... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 So Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and rose from the dead on the Sunday? Just in time for half price Easter eggs. Typical f*****g Jew Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2010 I Had to have a blood transfusion the other day. All they had left was 2 pints of African blood and 2 pints of Paki blood. Its not as bad as it sounds. I've now got a 12 inch cock and I'm top of the housing list. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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