KingKong 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 I went to a fortune teller last week.she studied my hand and said, :you have been masturbating; I said, Hey, you are good. Can you tell me anything about my future???. She looked at my face and said, youl be masturbating for a f*****g long time. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 I went to a fortune teller last week.she studied my hand and said, :you have been masturbating; I said, Hey, you are good. Can you tell me anything about my future???. She looked at my face and said, youl be masturbating for a f*****g long time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hullhunter 219 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 3 blokes were having a drink in a bar on the 30th floor of a building and one bloke said to the other i bet you i can jump out the window and then jump back in the bloke said your on so he did it the bloke said dubble or nothing so he did it again. the second bloke said tripple or nothing that i can do it so he said ok the bloke jumped out the window and splaterd on the ground just as they heard him splat the bar man came over and said super man you are a cu*t when your pissed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KingKong 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 man walks into a bar with a lion, ties it to the table says to the bar man do you serve pakis in here bar man says course we do were not against anyone man says brill pint for me and a paki for the lion 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 9,038 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nik_B 3,790 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 man walks into a bar with a lion, ties it to the table says to the bar man do you serve pakis in here bar man says course we do were not against anyone man says brill pint for me and a paki for the lion Pure class Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 Katie Price: "Alex Will be in my Life Forever" Bollox! The only bloke that will be in your life forever is the ITV2 Camera man. I've passed an audition for the Scottish version of "The Chronicles of Narnia." It's called, "Lying Pissed in the Wardrobe." (sorry scots lads!!!) I bought a spoiler for the back of my car, it's a sticker that says "Bruce Willis is a ghost". My teenage son has just told me that he f****d a girl last night. I said "Well done son, get in.... I hope you used something?" He said "Yeah, a balaclava". That's my boy..... As I live in Bradford I always remember these 3 things when I'm visiting my local mosque: 1. Shoes off 2. Socks off 3. Sawn off My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave." I said, "You pack them." I think my mate is racist. I asked him to record Sport Relief last night and I told him not to bother with any of the boring bits but just the funny stuff. I've just watched two hours of dying Africans. Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year. It's called the iRon. Some bloke at a bus stop earlier hit me on the legs with a stick for no reason. Naturally, I retaliated and beat the living shit out of him. Just for good measure, I kicked his Labrador as well. I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a penis ... only smaller". I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible". I was first diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1996. But I know it's all just part of an elaborate plot to kill me I like to go to mosques and put little wires on the bottom of the shoes outside. That'll really f**k up any holidays they go on. Why do women have legs? Well, have you seen the mess a slug makes? I got kicked off 'The Weakest Link' when Anne Robinson asked me, "Why have you chosen Asif"? Apparently, "Because he is a f*****g paki," is not a suitable answer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 ** just to add im not racist but if a jokes funny its funny! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 I don't like all these racist jokes on here. I, myself, am from an ethnic minority. A white Englishman living in bradford! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 Six Polish men were arrested in bradford last night for beating the shit out of a group of Pakis. I don't know, they come over here and take all the best f*****g jobs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 26, 2010 Report Share Posted March 26, 2010 I was drivng my Toyota through bradford and I crashed into a bus stop killing 6 Paki's and maiming 8 others. The police asked me what happened and I said "What can I say, it's a Toyota, my accelerator jammed on and my brakes didn't work ... ... but the steering is f*****g perfect." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hunting mad 147 Posted March 27, 2010 Report Share Posted March 27, 2010 lee85 they are f***ING brilliant Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 27, 2010 Report Share Posted March 27, 2010 very naughty but if makes someone laugh there worth it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee85 44 Posted March 27, 2010 Report Share Posted March 27, 2010 I'm starting to get seriously worried with this postal strike. My Michael Jackson tickets still haven't arrived! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,504 Posted March 27, 2010 Report Share Posted March 27, 2010 Keep them coming :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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