Suicide Bombers on Strike

[siskin 4]

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on

Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the

afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to

produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of

virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%

this January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the

increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a

subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational

Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was

unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally

working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much

in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the

teeth."

Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that

the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not

by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus

of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be

pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the

management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides,

Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with

our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet

their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day

jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is

now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice

between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting

wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be

able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming

these were necessary to attract good, fanatical clerics. "How am I

supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private

sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

 

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a

virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on

orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted

as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like

that........it's too much to swallow".

 

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers

will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the

strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is

likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only

be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their

striking brethren.

 

Spokespersons in the North East of England, Swindon, North Kent and the

entire Australian continent stated that this would not affect their

operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

 

Although the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to

Susan Boyle. Now Muslim's know what a virgin looks like ,they're not so

keen on going to paradise.

[sounder 9]

:clapper: very good !!!

[CarraghsGem 92]

Brilliant! whos the author?

[siskin 4]

Brilliant! whos the author?

a confused young man from tipton named Shafiq Rasul i belive

Edited January 26, 2010 by siskin

[bob.243 8,895]

A selection of some of the virgins still available, they can be selected directly from the photo.

[Attack Fell Terrier 864]

A selection of some of the virgins still available, they can be selected directly from the photo.

 

Thats probably one of the creepiest pictures I think I've ever seen.

 

Eerie that is man .

[FLEESNIPER 0]

funny mate

[arnieboy 93]

A selection of some of the virgins still available, they can be selected directly from the photo.

if only carlsberg made targets

[poacher3161 1,766]

A selection of some of the virgins still available, they can be selected directly from the photo.

That wont be a scene in france soon as they have banned them from wearing them in certain public places pity this spineless goverment wont do the same

[YOKEL 2,276]

1st class that...lol.

[fragle 1]

very good :clapper: :clapper: :clapper:

[albert64 1,882]

brilliant but the fun police will take it off

[Running 7]

that is good

[stabba 10,745]

Tickled me that did

[JohnGalway 1,043]

A selection of some of the virgins still available, they can be selected directly from the photo.

 

Jeez Bob, I don't fancy yours much!

 

Excellent post, very witty

Edited January 26, 2010 by JohnGalway