Joke

[Tallyho 181]

bloody hell where you gettint them from ?????

[Lee85 44]

google sickipedia [bANNED TEXT]!

[ferreterni 29]

Keep em coming

[Lee85 44]

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

[Lee85 44]

The Government announced today, that due to the failure of multculturism, any UK residents of enthic background would be offerred assistance in returning to the country of their roots.

 

Carlsberg don't do politics....

[Lee85 44]

I may have Alzheimer's.But at least I dont have Alzheimer's.

[Lee85 44]

Coming soon to the BBC Immigrant Channel, these great new shows:

 

Currynation Street, Islamadale, Pakarama, Middle East enders, Britains got Talibans, Mock the Sikh, You've been Bombed, The Wheel of Misfortune, Postman Raj, Black Peter and for our Israeli chums - Scooby Jew.

[Lee85 44]

I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

 

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.

[Lee85 44]

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''

 

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins [...]

 

Reveal the rest of this joke

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''

 

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''

 

''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.

 

''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'''

 

''Keep going!''

 

I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

 

She said, ''You now have three wishes.''

 

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

 

She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''

 

''What next?'' begged the bartender.

 

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

 

Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''

 

I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''

[Lee85 44]

Tom and George are going hunting. Tom says to George, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Tom says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

George says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"

George doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Tom says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

 

So George goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Tom has. The breeder obliges and George brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping George's leg.

 

Outraged, George takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks what the dog did. So George tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "George, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f*****g ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

[Lee85 44]

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,

with smart wit,

using a knife,

he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,

strong and bold,

with a hammer and chisel,

he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,

tall and thin,

by using red velvet,

he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,

short and stout,

with a piece of fox fur,

he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,

nasty as hell,

threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,

whose name was McGee,

he touched it and blessed it,

and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,

dirty little runt,

he sucked it and f****d it,

and called it a c**t.

[Lee85 44]

Have you heard about the famous asian Karaoke artist from Bradford?

 

Gerupta Singh!

[Lee85 44]

To celebrate Evel Knievel's life, BNP leader Nick Griffin has agreed to try to jump 100 Muslims in a double Decker bus.

[Lee85 44]

Harold Shipman was sitting in his cell when the guard brought his dinner in.

"Chicken Korma tonight, Shipman," the cheery guard says.

An hour later, the guard returns and notices that Shipman has hardly touched his curry.

"What's wrong with your dinner?", he asks.

"Oh nothing," Shipman replies. "But I could've murdered a naan."

[Lee85 44]

I went for an Indian last night. The waiter came over and said "Curry OK?"

 

I said "Go on then, one song then you can f**k off".