readie 184 Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack.....she hasn't even got a car!! I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Matt Lucas's ex-partner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village. A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. " Holy f**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!! Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road. A man asks "What's wrong?" Boy says "Me Ma is dead" "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?" Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now." Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End. Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " f**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!! Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut. Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that? I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f*****g having that!" Man lost in a hot air ballon over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?" The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b ' stard, you're in that feckin basket!" Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK,BANG Paddy "OK, done that, what next? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
irish lassie09 7 Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 :clapper: :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
coursing mad 5 Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 a cercumsized juew alkes into asda, slappes his c*ck over the counter & says a bet you cant roll that foker back. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
McKay 37 Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 hahaha fecking brilliant That Father O'Riley one reminded me of a joke I used to love A Priest is walking along a cliff edge when he see's a young boy crying, He goes over and ask's if the little boy is okay, He answers "No Father, It's my Mum.....She fell down the cliff, She's at the bottom and I think she's dead" the Priest is shocked and ask's if He has a father with whom he can get in touch with and the boy, still crying, replies "No, He went down to try and find my Mum when he slipped and fell aswell" the little boy carries on sobbing, He looks up at the Priest, Now with his pants around his ankles and asks "What are you doing?" the Priest answers..."Well son, Today is just not your day" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pigeon640 0 Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie93 57 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Funny shit Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stubby 175 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 the best I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f*****g having that!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLEESNIPER 0 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 top jokes lads Quote Link to post Share on other sites
birdman6 10 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 :rofl: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mexlad 189 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,174 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Yes, the abandonced bag one is the tops; Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SCOTTY1 3 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Waz 4,274 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Best jokes ive ever read on THL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wxm 1,638 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,522 Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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