Bootsha 1,306 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Bump, again, it's worth it lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gonetoearth 5,144 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 an alien walks in to a pub barman a pint please barman says your an alien arnt you yes all i want is a pint nope says the barman get out oh go on barman just one pint no out says the barman ill buy every one in here a pint says the alien no out says the barman ok a pint and a short says the alien the barman stop looks around his pub eh ok the barman serves one and all pint and a short and one for your good self says the little greenman driking his pint the alien says to the barman whats the bill barman after a few mins the barman say £556 pounds the little green man shuffles up to the bar and says HAVE YOU GOT CHANGE OF A ZONK Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carp man 1 219 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on!, You're a duck" "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck. "And you can talk !!", exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working too", says the duck. "Now if you dont mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "Certainly, sorry about that", say's the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we dont get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer". The flabbergasted barman cannot beleive the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman say's to him, "You're with the circus, aren't you??" "Well I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvellous", say's the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call". So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money". "I'm always looking for the next job", says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus", says the barman. "The Circus?", repeats the duck. "Thats right", replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with a big tent?". "Yeah", the barman replies. "With all the animals that live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?", says the duck. "Of course", the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?", persists the duck. "Thats right!", says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement and says........................... "What the f@ck would they want with a plasterer?!?!?!?!?!?!" very good mate ribs hurt now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsha 1,306 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Have a look at the date i first put that joke up, evry time i read it i laugh, so i figured i'm not the only fool out there, it is a beeauty tho innit ??lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shushycatcher 219 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 paddy struggling down the street carrying a wardrobe on his own,jack sticks his head out the door and says "hey,paddy,wheres murphy?,hes always with you,and happy to help" paddy replies " ha jack,he is helping!" He is inside carrying the clothes!!!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on!, You're a duck" "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck. "And you can talk !!", exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working too", says the duck. "Now if you dont mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "Certainly, sorry about that", say's the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we dont get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer". The flabbergasted barman cannot beleive the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman say's to him, "You're with the circus, aren't you??" "Well I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvellous", say's the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call". So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money". "I'm always looking for the next job", says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus", says the barman. "The Circus?", repeats the duck. "Thats right", replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with a big tent?". "Yeah", the barman replies. "With all the animals that live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?", says the duck. "Of course", the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?", persists the duck. "Thats right!", says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement and says........................... "What the f@ck would they want with a plasterer?!?!?!?!?!?!" :clapping: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsha 1,306 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Have a bump and a laugh on me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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