Effing Teenagers

[Guest The Shaman]

shaman, take him to your local boxing club and see how he goes. start him off twice a week and let him develop a taste for it. i come from a long line of boxers and with the exceptions of me :whistle:,, they were all gentlemen. the only one in our house that didnt box was my younger brother. he has straightened out a bit now but f**k he used to be deadly for doing stupid shit like fighting and dealing wacky tobaccy . the right club will teach him alot about himself, if he is interested he will make new friends and they will nearly always be of the right sort. training will take up too much of his time to be f****n about and if he is good the girlys will flock him . they never flocked me cuz i was crap plus, if he sticks at boxing its a great way to see the world and its all expenses paid. .. i forgot to add that training usually means staying out of pubs etc. thats how i got into dogs,, instead of getting plastered on the weekend and pissing a weeks training down the drain, i went out lamping with my dog.

 

 

I hear where your coming from oldskool thanks mate

[cramp 4]

GIVE HIM TO ME FOR A WEEK my boy is getting to the age now starting to feel his feet but i took him off them once or twice now he knows not to f**k about dont worry mate he will grow out of it

[Guest The Shaman]

Dont know if it would still work nowadays but the threat of being put into care aways worked with me

MOLL.

 

 

Oh he's been threatened with care Moll - on more than one occasion. The lad don't give a sh*t. Most people would say call his bluff - call the social - give him a taste. But in my experience social workers will always side with the kid. Turn your life upside down, blame every mistake on the way he was brought up, downplay his arrogance and basically make you feel like sh*t. Saw it happen wont chance it

[Guest Bodach]

Teenagers AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Guys be very careful when dealing with them or you may end up in a situation that happened to me.

 

Kid refuses to go to school, arguments and shouting as he won't go, swears at me so I cuff the 13 year olds lug and I mean a cuff, he tells his social worker who tells the police and low and behold I am charged with assult and breach of the peace in my own home!!!????

All shot guns and rifles taken away on the same day I was charged.

 

After a lot of expence and worry the case goes to court even after my lawyer says it won't 9 months of worry and the case was deserted pro loco et tempore.

 

Got all my weapons back after that.

 

So guys be warned, they have all the rights and they know it, you have none!!!!1111

[Guest The Shaman]

That's exactly what I'm worried about Bodach - happened to someone I know had a right shit time - plus he got agro as he was accused of all sorts by people who did not know the facts.

 

I have the family and friends telling me he'll grow out of it - their kids were tw*ts too (but they admit not as bad as him) - just take the rough with the smooth it's only gonna be for a couple more years - but Jesus Lumping F*ck it's gonna be a looooooooooooong couple of years.

 

I blame it all on these ideological MP's who say we can't do this, we can't do that - but their kids are raised by nannies and boarding schools then go to university so they don't have to worry about it. Then they brag on tv that they never had to smack their kids - thats because they never had to. :realmad:

 

Bring back corporal punishment, let the bobbies give them a cuff like they used to, let the teachers take em down a peg or two and we might just get a bit of respect back off em.

 

To the teenage lads/lasses on the site, I'm not tarring you all with the same brush i'd say 90% of the youth of today are ok, it's the other 10% that nobody can/is allowed to do anything about without being branded a criminal too!

[COMPO 54]

That's exactly what I'm worried about Bodach - happened to someone I know had a right shit time - plus he got agro as he was accused of all sorts by people who did not know the facts.

 

I have the family and friends telling me he'll grow out of it - their kids were tw*ts too (but they admit not as bad as him) - just take the rough with the smooth it's only gonna be for a couple more years - but Jesus Lumping F*ck it's gonna be a looooooooooooong couple of years.

 

I blame it all on these ideological MP's who say we can't do this, we can't do that - but their kids are raised by nannies and boarding schools then go to university so they don't have to worry about it. Then they brag on tv that they never had to smack their kids - thats because they never had to. :realmad:

 

Bring back corporal punishment, let the bobbies give them a cuff like they used to, let the teachers take em down a peg or two and we might just get a bit of respect back off em.

 

To the teenage lads/lasses on the site, I'm not tarring you all with the same brush i'd say 90% of the youth of today are ok, it's the other 10% that nobody can/is allowed to do anything about without being branded a criminal too!

 

 

a lot of truth in your sentiments.

 

I wish you the best with your lad, there has been lots of good advice given,

 

i think more important than talking is Listening, he needs to learn respect, but you need to learn about him, try and listen and then try and find common ground and steer him into something you dont mind him doing rather than something you definetley dont want him doing

 

I reckon if he is bailed by the police, (he must have a short bail date) they are refering his case to the local Youth Offending Team.......then depending on him(previous cautions etc../remorse) , the victim (what they want etc..) and what the YOT's team think, he could get a reprimand or similar....the local YOT's team will give you a clearer picture...they are also expert's on restorative justice (i.e. saying sorry/making good damage done etc...)

 

when is he bailed back?

 

Let us know what happens with him?

 

Compo (concerned father with all this ahead of him -Son 8 yrs and daughter 8 months)

[Guest The Shaman]

Compo (concerned father with all this ahead of him -Son 8 yrs and daughter 8 months)

 

Cheers Compo he bailed until 2nd of September.

[Simoman 110]

:11: :11: PERSISTANCE OLD CHAP, PERSISTANCE!!!!

JOEB

 

By the way Simo, I see your little Foo Fighters lyric at the bottom of your page, did you get to see them this year, I saw them at Hyde park..........awsome gig!

 

Unfortunately never seen them live

 

 

dealing wacky tobaccy

 

oldskool do you have a contact number :whistle:

[COMPO 54]

Compo (concerned father with all this ahead of him -Son 8 yrs and daughter 8 months)

 

Cheers Compo he bailed until 2nd of September.

 

 

I WILL pm YOU SOME INFO

[Guest Gregg Barrow]

"i think more important than talking is Listening, he needs to learn respect, but you need to learn about him, try and listen and then try and find common ground and steer him into something you dont mind him doing rather than something you definetley dont want him doing "

 

Great advice!

I hesitate to jump in; I hesitate to advise anyone regarding their children on any level. It’s often safer to insult their wife and despise their best dog.

We have never been blessed with children of our own so that could shoot down any credibility that I might have here, but I have raised dozens of them.

Started my working life working with physically handicapped children in Ontario, followed by seven years working gang intervention in Miami and Ft Lauderdale, Florida; I’ve been cussed in more languages then a UN delegate.

Five years teaching public and private school and I ended my child care experience with a seven year stint working as a live in nanny, "au pair" for the upper crust amongst us. This was a job working with five children from three months to 13 years of age, seven horses and six dogs, seven days a week from sun up to sun down.

 

So much for the long unsolicited resume.

 

The child, and he is a child regardless of what his actions or protests suggest to the contrary, does need to learn respect, but it’s the job of the parents to earn that respect. This, especially at a more advanced age, comes with a lot of time, patience and blue collar work ethic. “Time Spent†is the ticket and I know dozens of wonderfully well adjusted children that have next to nothing in the way of worldly possessions, but they have their parent’s ear and attention.

Is it easy? Hell no! Does it come with a lot of frustration? Hell yes!

Will you want to give up? Everyday.

But looking back, the pay off was incredible.

The gang kids use to cuss us, fight us and do everything they could to run us out of their lives. I had one stick a 9mm to my head…something most parents won’t have to endure. And that’s the extreme. The bottom line when you sit back and look at it is this. They are screaming for attention, they are screaming for any indication that they matter to you. If they can run you out of their lives, then good, you wouldn’t have lasted anyway. If you keep coming back, keep setting the guidelines, keep working with them regardless of how tough it gets, it’s then that you start to earn some credibility.

Every new counselor, agent, officer, whatever you wanted to call us, was met with the most aggressive and violent resistance by the juvenile felons. They have never had anyone that gave a rip about them and they have heard all the “dream sellers†come in and tell them how they were there to help, only to fall apart and run at the first hint of resistance. The gang kids learned to cull these quick.

The above is an extreme example, but what I’ve learned, and am still learning, four years into a new marriage is, people respond a lot better when you can demonstrate to them, through hard work and diligence, their worth to you. When you tell them you are going to do something, you do it. When you tell them you are not going to do something, you hold your ground. When you’re wrong, be man enough to admit it (they already know it anyway). But you earn their respect by showing them their worth to you.

They only want what the rest of us want and that’s the assurance that they, and their opinions, are worth something. And you demonstrate this by giving them your most valuable possession, your time and your attention.

I’m a firm believer in corporal punishment, but only if it’s fair and when the consequences for actions are laid out and explained in advance. It should never be reactive. This only breeds resentment and anger.

Why is it rarely done this way? Because it would take time, effort and being a little contemplative to lay down the guidelines before a problem arose. Then, it would take even more time to teach a child to live within the parameters.

It’s much easier to react.

 

I enjoyed working with the violent kids; they showed by their actions that they were still in the game, that they demanded attention, even if it was negative.

The “whatever†withdrawn children, the ones that were apathetic, benign might better, to any efforts to work with them are the hardest. They have it all figured out, they know how the world works and it’s a long haul to convince then otherwise.

They were the dangerous ones.

 

 

 

 

Call me a bleeding heart, call me unrealistic (just don’t call me late for dinner) but I’ve see the resource we have in our children being wasted and flushed on a daily basis. Our culture is, at its very core, a selfish one, and our divorce and juvenile delinquency rate is a solid indication of this.

My wife is in law enforcement and works “online exploitation†of children. She is heart broken over the cases she works and more often then not, it comes down to the fact that we have turned over the responsibility of rearing our children to the schools and the Government and more and more, the internet and the media

Why are the kids that she works with such easy targets? Because the predators out there know what I’m saying here, they make these children feel wanted, like they have value. In their twisted and perverse way, they do it better then most parents do.

 

The answer is simple but never easy. Time spent and making yourself available is something we hesitate to do.

Why are most of us typing here? We think we have something to say and we want our opinions valued.

A question for the guys here; how do you select your friends? I know where I’m concerned, the few people I chose to call friend are the ones that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt will watch my back in a tough situation. Most have proven it.

Why should our children expect less? Why shouldn’t they hold us to the same level of accountability?

 

To much caffine maybe..gotta stop the ramble.

Opening myself up for debate, something I rarely do. But if it helped a little, it was worth it.

 

All the best,

Gregg

[Guest The Shaman]

Well Greg,

 

Seems like you've had a tough profession - my only comment is (and I mean comment not criticism) is that most of the gang members and delinquents you worked with etc were damaged goods- either brought up by a lone parent, in poverty, abused, drugs all around, the list is endless.

 

My son has had everything - He has a complete family (ie not an only child), parents are working, drugs do not feature in our lives, neither of us are alcoholics, he has friends, I try and I mean try to accommodate his lifestyle -he has a haircut that I would have been expelled from school for, we buy him the clothes so he will fit in with his friends. I have sat him down when the tempers have fallen and discussed with him why his actions are too much and to think about where his life is leading him on many occasions.

 

All lead to nowhere - if he can stay out till midnight 7 days a week, bimble in to school when he feels like it, wear three sets of clothes a day, bum money of us when he has spent his, or steal it if he can't - well then he would be happy, what teenager wouldn't. But I am afraid that lifestyle belongs on Bart Simpson not in a proper family environment - so he kicks off all the time. It's not attention he needs its common sense and a huge dose of respect.

 

Thanks for your advice anyway Greg, if he decides to go the 9mm route I'll be after more advice.

[Guest Gregg Barrow]

“Thanks for your advice anyway Gregâ€

 

No problem, and your right, it looks like I missed the mark by a mile.

 

Our hopes are that he turns it around soon. He should, it looks like he comes from pretty sound stock.

 

All the best,

Gregg

[Guest tazdastokmaker]

am 16 and when i was 14 and 15 i was dogging school getting stoned and pised :drunk: :drag: :alcoholic: evary day doing anaythin even braking in to pepols homes and doing pepole in e.c.t but i never got chot by the polise that was the smart thing but when i got chuked out my old school i have become an angale he shod grow out of it and if he dosent when he goes out 1 night dont let him back in and leave him ther but make seure he dosent go to a frends house coz then he will love it even more all the best fraser

[Guest craftycarper]

My boy was thrown out by his mother she coudn't take any more, to tell you the truth i thought most of it was in her head so i took him in big mistake. He's lived with me for nearly a year now, lies through his back teeth, stole from the staff in the local leisure centre when on work experiance, chucked out of school 2 months before leaving, have had to put locks on mine and me daughters room and basically nail things down otherwise they go walkies :realmad: This week i have just stuck cctv up on the front and side of the house to try and catch him up to no good.

It does not help that i work nights, basically i get in from work in the morning, he goes out. I go out to work of an evening, he comes in (sometimes) when i'm gone. I have just read him the riot act for the last time and explained to him that much more pissing about and the locks will be changed when his out and he can sling his hook.

Bloody depressing, they have no respect for anything. Silly things like stuff you have had for twenty years or more they either break or lose it. Thing is you daren't raise a hand to em as the bloody laws on their side, last thing i want to do is get in trouble with the met, probably have my shottie cert withdrawn and i'm also in the process of applying for me fac.

My other two kids are great no problem whatsoever, divorce /seperation cannot be blamed as all of em stay with me for half the week and are also here more or less every night after school until i go to work, this has been the norm since 1995.

The list is endless with his antics and he never ceases to amaze me with what little stunt he will pull next, be it thieving a few hundred quid off his great grandmother when she's not looking, to stealing fishing gear off a 91 yr old guy on the bank in the same fishing club as himself, who's house i can see from my bedroom window.

So mate your not the only one out their, and after reading my post about my arsehole of a son you might just breath a sigh of relief...

Edited August 18, 2006 by craftycarper

[targa 5]

I'd say spend more time with him mate. The heavy hand doesn't always work. Take him out doing whatever he's into...cinema, football, looking round the shops and keep him busy but don't make it look too obvious you're trying! Chat to him like mates do. Let him speak to you, to tell you things. Could be he just needs a little guidance, putting on a straight line again. Don't forget to smile and laugh when he's with you. Good luck.

 

Got 3 sons, 15, 17, 19, three different characters and the youngest is my hunting mate- as the other where on that age- we tell each other dirty joke's, look to the women (and dont think you gonna shock him with a litlle dirty talk!!), and talk about serious things. At the age of 15 they have an opinion! talk to him like a man, and listen to what he's having to say about live, his future and how he think's he's gonna manage things. take him out with you on things that another kid just can dream of on that age, take him a night out on a hunting trip, and GIVE HIM RESPONSABILITY. He's gonna respect you for that.