matty73 4 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 a women had been on the game for years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night .so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence, after an hour or so in bed with her he says "just how far accross the f**king field were you before you realised it was caught??" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
clipperbike 0 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 new from andrex, islamic toilet paper, not only does it have a print of the prophet mohammed on every sheet, whenever you wipe your arse you get to colour him in Quote Link to post Share on other sites
clipperbike 0 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Apparently Al Quaeda have hidden bombs in tins of alphabetti spaghetti. If they go off they could spell disaster Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel_Basher 17,100 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Man charges into a bank wielding a handgun and wearing a mask."This is a raid ,everyone on the floor" he shouts,then raids the tills.A brave customer yanks off the mask so the robber shoots him ."Anyone else see my face".,he shouts ,to which there was silence for a few seconds before a man said "think that paki over there may of caught a glimpse " Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RicW 67 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 a women takes paddy home for sex& tells him she wants a 69 .paddy asks "whats that"? she tells him "well you put your head between my legs and i do the same to you". when they were doing it she farts ,says sorry and proceeds to start again .another minute passes and she proceeds to fart again !paddy gets up and starts to get dressed.she says "what are you doing?".he says "im not f**king hanging around for another 67 of them!!!" O mi god that joke is older than I am Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RicW 67 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 A nun went to the doctors because she was feeling sick and was told she was pregnant.Totally dumbfounded at the news,The next day she storms into the monastry where the monks's lived and shouted " Right which one of you dirty b*****ds has been wanking over the candles?" Guy goes into the bank says " gimme the money this is a f**k up". Gal behind the counter says " you mean it's a stick-up" Guy says "nah,its a f**k up, I left me gun at home" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shipley Staffords 2 0 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Bloke goes into bedroom & his wife is packing a bag,what the f**k are you doing he says ?!! Well i have been told that prostitutes earn £400 a time for what i do for free she replies, so on that note the husband starts packing & his wife says i am going to London what are ou up too,he says i'm coming too just too see how your gonna live on £800 a year !!!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RicW 67 Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Bloke goes into bedroom & his wife is packing a bag,what the f**k are you doing he says ?!! Well i have been told that prostitutes earn £400 a time for what i do for free she replies, so on that note the husband starts packing & his wife says i am going to London what are ou up too,he says i'm coming too just too see how your gonna live on £800 a year !!!!!! Oh dear. We do push our luck don't we! Larf? I nearly wet meself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
matty73 4 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 just when "baby p" thought he was safe in heaven guess who moonwalks in ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
COMPO 54 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 a bloke confides in his friend a problem. " I have a brown ring round my willy!" His friend says "thats Ok i had a red ring round mine, i went to the doctor , he sold me a cream for a fiver and it went!" so the bloke goes to his friends doctor and asks for a cream for a brown ring round his willy. Doctor says "thats £30 please" Bloke says , "but my friend came he had a red ring round his and he said you sold him a cream for a fiver that got rid of it!" Doctor replies "YES BUT HIS WAS LIPSTICK....YOURS IS SHIT!" An old boy who is hard of hearing goes to the doctors with his wife who can hear better Doctor says" i need a sample of your blood, semen,urine and faeces!" old man "WHAT DID HE SAY!" Old mans wife "HE SAID TO LEAVE YOUR UNDERPANTS AT RECEPTION!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tis TM 8 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 a bloke confides in his friend a problem. " I have a brown ring round my willy!" His friend says "thats Ok i had a red ring round mine, i went to the doctor , he sold me a cream for a fiver and it went!" so the bloke goes to his friends doctor and asks for a cream for a brown ring round his willy. Doctor says "thats £30 please" Bloke says , "but my friend came he had a red ring round his and he said you sold him a cream for a fiver that got rid of it!" Doctor replies "YES BUT HIS WAS LIPSTICK....YOURS IS SHIT!" An old boy who is hard of hearing goes to the doctors with his wife who can hear better Doctor says" i need a sample of your blood, semen,urine and faeces!" old man "WHAT DID HE SAY!" Old mans wife "HE SAID TO LEAVE YOUR UNDERPANTS AT RECEPTION!" god that last one! lol Dont like the baby P joke though Quote Link to post Share on other sites
steve g 5 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 a son asks his dad the difference between theoretically and realistically. dad says thats a hard one,but i have an idea. ask mum if she would sleep with wayne rooney for £1 million. mum says yes. dad says now ask your sister. she says yes too.dad asks go ask your brother.he says yes. well there you go son, thats your answer, theoretically we're sitting on £3 million quid,but realistically we're living with 2 slags and a faggot!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RicW 67 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 just when "baby p" thought he was safe in heaven guess who moonwalks in ? Singing "Don't let your son go down on me" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tis TM 8 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 just when "baby p" thought he was safe in heaven guess who moonwalks in ? Singing "Don't let your son go down on me" :sick: :sick: :sick: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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