Guest Scuba1 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Quickly replace it for a bigger and better 1, and say you felt the children needed a treat because you love them so much, and you donated the old 1 to a local play group . . . . . . . . . . It'll be worth the money and the lie . . . trust me i'm female! Look inside knowledge Maltenby, its like what women want ... Go and get a bigger one... Typical male reply . . . . . Regardless of topic it always comes back to penises! you have a dirty mind i thought we were talking marriage tips :whistling: :D I'm pretty sure i wasn't alone in my thinking! Ohhh yes you where. :whistling: :whistling: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hannah4181 260 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Quickly replace it for a bigger and better 1, and say you felt the children needed a treat because you love them so much, and you donated the old 1 to a local play group . . . . . . . . . . It'll be worth the money and the lie . . . trust me i'm female! Look inside knowledge Maltenby, its like what women want ... Go and get a bigger one... Typical male reply . . . . . Regardless of topic it always comes back to penises! you have a dirty mind i thought we were talking marriage tips :whistling: :D I'm pretty sure i wasn't alone in my thinking! Ohhh yes you where. :whistling: :whistling: Oh Shit off you bunch of bullies! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
paulhodge 3 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 say its been pinched, and when the wife gets back make out your angry because its been stolen! ha ha thats what i would do Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaker 7 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 say its been pinched, and when the wife gets back make out your angry because its been stolen! ha ha thats what i would do Me three Been there, done that. Unfortunately until now I never had the fortitude (or is that aptitude?) to lie about it. Take for example the time my old Bull (22" 60lbs) ate half of an armchair, belonging to a £2,500 hand-made Italian leather suite? That one got us in the **** for weeks. Or the time I took on an adult Saluki bred coursing bitch who'd lived in a stable, alone, all her life? I didn't have kennels at the time, and next morning she'd done a diarrhoea all over the kitchen worktop, and rolled/rubbed/walked it up the walls, cupboards, surfaces, cooker... I spent a long time cleaning that up, and ended up sorting out a new kitchen. Not to mention the time, against all advice, my mother in law decided the kids 'needed' an indoor rabbit and a hamster. The terrier duly 'introduced' herself to them a week later... in front of the entire family... It's small wonder we're so close to our dogs. We go through hell and back with them half the time, and thick and thin we're always there to bail each other out. I can't say much of the same about many human relationships I have - I'd die for my dog Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 It's OK, I'm still here, and still fully intact! I'm not sure the poor dog will be though, unless he stays well out of her way! Dogs bollocks on the menu for tea tonight I reckon! Oh, and thanks for the tips people, this place is pure gold when it comes to marital advice! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaker 7 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 LOL Glad to see you're still alive mate You know what to do now, don't you? Don't mention it again, act cheery, casually announce you're all going out for tea and make sure there's a bigger, better pool awaiting the kids tomorrow. Say no more, cross your fingers, and you may just come out of this in one piece... eventually... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 say its been pinched, and when the wife gets back make out your angry because its been stolen! ha ha thats what i would do Me three Been there, done that. Unfortunately until now I never had the fortitude (or is that aptitude?) to lie about it. Take for example the time my old Bull (22" 60lbs) ate half of an armchair, belonging to a £2,500 hand-made Italian leather suite? That one got us in the **** for weeks. Or the time I took on an adult Saluki bred coursing bitch who'd lived in a stable, alone, all her life? I didn't have kennels at the time, and next morning she'd done a diarrhoea all over the kitchen worktop, and rolled/rubbed/walked it up the walls, cupboards, surfaces, cooker... I spent a long time cleaning that up, and ended up sorting out a new kitchen. Not to mention the time, against all advice, my mother in law decided the kids 'needed' an indoor rabbit and a hamster. The terrier duly 'introduced' herself to them a week later... in front of the entire family... It's small wonder we're so close to our dogs. We go through hell and back with them half the time, and thick and thin we're always there to bail each other out. I can't say much of the same about many human relationships I have - I'd die for my dog My young springer spaniel Max had a bit of a chew on my ex girlfriends budgie years ago! I'd only left them in the room for about 30 seconds while I went to answer the door! Came back into the room to a cloud of feathers and a dead budgie! So much for him retrieving live to hand! They say that a dog is more loyal than any human, but I don't know. We put ourselves & our relationships on the line for them too, from time to time! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaker 7 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 My young springer spaniel Max had a bit of a chew on my ex girlfriends budgie years ago! I'd only left them in the room for about 30 seconds while I went to answer the door! Came back into the room to a cloud of feathers and a dead budgie! So much for him retrieving live to hand! They say that a dog is more loyal than any human, but I don't know. We put ourselves & our relationships on the line for them too, from time to time! True that mate, very true indeed. I remember reading once (God only knows where) that man and dog have evolved together for so long now, you can't really call one complete without the other. Man relies on dog for all his hunting/herding/guarding needs, and dog needs man (albeit much less) for safety, comfort and sustenance. When you take one away from the other, inevitably you're left with a mere half of a being. It was written more eloquently at the time, but it sounds about right to me. They might cause us a real **** storm at times, but could you really imagine living without them? I couldn't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jigsaw 11,899 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 (edited) i had a colliexgreyhound bitch that got into the house as i forgot to close the backdoor,ate my sons birthday cake an hour before the party,i never got to replace it either,so dont you tell me about being in the shits mal,i know all about it Edited June 26, 2009 by jigsaw Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Or the time I took on an adult Saluki bred coursing bitch who'd lived in a stable, alone, all her life? I didn't have kennels at the time, and next morning she'd done a diarrhoea all over the kitchen worktop, and rolled/rubbed/walked it up the walls, cupboards, surfaces, cooker... I spent a long time cleaning that up, and ended up sorting out a new kitchen. C'Mon Rainmaker...let's be honest...we're all mates here aren't we? There was no saluki was there? Bit too much brown and mild? Dodgy spam fritter? We've all been there..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Simoman 110 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 :sick: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaker 7 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 C'Mon Rainmaker...let's be honest...we're all mates here aren't we?There was no saluki was there? Bit too much brown and mild? Dodgy spam fritter? We've all been there..... haha Speak for yourself Stabs ye dirty fecker! I wouldn't have half minded, but the bloody thing had the longest coat I've ever seen on a lurcher... not something I want to ever wake up to again! :sick: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stabs 3 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Mate...I've been there myself. Picture the scene.....pitch f*****g black....3am. You've been down the pub and you're kidneys are aching from the amount of cider you've drunk. In your pissed state, you've gone to bed and one of the bulldogs has followed you up somehow. You're woken from your slumber by the sound of an enormous fart.....and then it dawns on you that it wasn't your own. Then there's a 40lb bulldog spraying rusty water out of hs arse like a sprinkler plumbed into the sewage works. He's actually running around the bedroom scared as he doesn't know what's going on.....spraying as he goes You turn the light on and you immediately feel like turning it off again. The bulldog has by now ran into the bathroom and he's redecorating that too. Best thing is, you caught him eating a manky old badger earlier in the day and his shit is full of dead maggots that's he's eaten. Oh yeah......it still haunts me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaker 7 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Holy hell... I bet the bulldog wasn't the only thing spewing its ring after witnessing that little lot :sick: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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