Guest STORM CHASER Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 builder on 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him. shouts down to his co-worker but he cant hear him, so he does sign language. points to his eye (i) knee (need) and moves his hand back and fourth in a saw motion. his mate pulls down his trousers and strts wanking. the builder runs down angrily and say "what are you doing? i need my saw" "i know" says worker "im just letting you no im coming" :11: :11: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
halloween man 12 Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
beagle1812 0 Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 builder on 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him. shouts down to his co-worker but he cant hear him, so he does sign language. points to his eye (i) knee (need) and moves his hand back and fourth in a saw motion. his mate pulls down his trousers and strts wanking. the builder runs down angrily and say "what are you doing? i need my saw" "i know" says worker "im just letting you no im coming" Love it, love it, LOVE IT! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ian118118 10 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, "What’s going on?" He says, "That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos." She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go to Hell." St. Peter says, "In Hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized." She says, "That’s okay. I’ve already got holes for that." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ian118118 10 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?’ Al replies, "I don’t know, let’s ask our waiter.’ When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?’ The waiter says, "I don’t know senor, I ask the cooks. "He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor,the cook say no Mexican Jews.’ Al isn’t satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?’ The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I check once again, senor!’and goes back into the kitchen. While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.’ The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Tom say there is no Mexican Jews.’ "Are you certain?" Al asks again. "I just can’t believe there are no Mexican Jews!’ "SENOR, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter, "All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
digger dan 0 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 traveller family all killed in accident all go to heaven and meet st peter st peter says ye havent lived the most honest of lives i dunno ill have ta check wit god if yere allowed in so off he goes tells god theres a family of pikies outside will ilet them in do god says there ok peter goes back to tell em but all of a sudden comes runnin back up to god their gone he says gaspin for breath wat the travellers god says no the f****n golden gates says peter Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scuba1 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 You know it's a credit crunch when... • The cash point asks if you can spare any change. • There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer - on banks. • The Inland Revenue is offering a 25 per cent discount for cash-payers. • Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and started sucking his thumb. • Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than sterling. • Highgrove has been repossessed. • Victoria Beckham is pictured shopping in Primark. • Alistair Darling's eyebrows have turned white. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid 1984 1 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 I was at the bank today,there was a short line..just one lady in front of me.An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. She was a little irritated.She asked the teller "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunnat dollar for yen,today I get one hunnat and eighty.Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said "Fluctuations" Asian lady says "Fluc you white people too." i got one.......... an irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.doctors removed 2 nokias,3 motorolas and a samsung no siemen was found black man goes to the doctors becoz he cant stop jogging on the spot.doctor puts a line of white powder on the desk and says "snort that it will slow you down" so the black man snorts it and sure enuff it stops him jogging"good stuff that mate what is it coke?" doctor says "no its persil......... it stops colours running!!!!!!!!!! dont any one say im racist coz im not but this is a good joke Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,482 Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Some good ones there :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scuba1 Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 An architect, a surgeon and an economist are discussing the Creation. The surgeon says: 'Look, we surgeons are most important. God's a surgeon because the first thing he did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.' The architect says: 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. He made the world in seven days out of chaos.' The economist smiles: 'And who made the chaos?' A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JPTfellterrier 65 Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 haha good one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest buster321c Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 A man says to his wife "I had a wet dream about you last night" Wife says " what, you were thinking of me in sexy positions?" "No" Replies the husband, "I dreamt you got hit by a car, and pissed myself laughing" Class joke , very good Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferreterni 29 Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Two blokes sitting in a rough sort of pub when a third man walks in wearing a fancy suit. 1st bloke says I wonder what job he has to afford such a suit. I'll ask says the second and walks over. "sorry to bother you, but my friend and I wondered what job you do to afford such a suit." I am a doctor of logic he says. "whats that says the 1st man" it's easier to explain says the dr. Do you own a gold fish? "yes" Ok, now do you keep it in a bowl or a pond? " a pond" Well if you have a pond I would say you have a fairly large house then " It's big enough" and if you have a big house you probably have a family " yes he said married for 15 years and 3 kids" well, if you are married with kids I would say that you have a pretty good sex life "Oh yes, plenty of that" Well in that case I would deduce that you don't masturbate that much " how dare you says the man, I never do" Thats a dr of logic, from asking if you had a goldfish I worked out that you don't spend time playing with yourself. " jeez" said the man " that's powerful good" He returned to his friend and tells him he's a doctor of logic, whats that then? " I'll tell you" he says "Do you have a goldfish?" No says his friend. Then your a wanker. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest buster321c Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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