tote
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Everything posted by tote
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An Englishman, Scotsman and a Paki went to Israel and ended up lost in the middle of nowhere. After walking about aimlessly without food or water for three days they finally came across a farmhouse B&B. They knocked on the door and asked the farmer for three rooms for the night as well as a good feed and a drink. The farmer told them that he only had the two rooms spare but seeing their predicament said one of them could sleep in the barn that housed a donkey. This they agreed to and after getting their tea and a drink the Englishman said he'd sleep in the barn so off he goes
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Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy." "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Piddles up to heav
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Earlier today in Belfast the wife of a leading IRA member was shot in the chest. Later in a revenge attack a woman from the provo group the UDA was shot in the fanny. The Royal Ulster Constabulary says it was a tit for twat shooting..
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AN OLD PAKISTANI WHO USED TO BE A PORN STAR IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS IS IN AN OLD PEOPLES HOME AND HIS RELATIVES VISIT. THEY ASK IF HE IS OK AND IF THE STAFF ARE TREATING HIM PROPERLY. MAKE SURE HE IS OK. HE SAYS THEY TREAT US ALL WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT, OLD TOM USED TO BE A DOCTOR THEY STILL CALL HIM DR TOM, BILL WAS AN AIRLINE PILOT AND THEY STILL CALL HIM CAPT BILL AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVENT HAD SEX FOR 20YRS THEY STILL CALL ME THE F*CKING PAKI.
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What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex? One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak...
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No, your missing nothing. Davehunters is missing something though.
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What do you call a circumcised German? Helmut Shoen.
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Paddy and his good wife are lying in bed, but they can't get to sleep because of their neighbours dog who is out the back barking away. After about an hour Paddy says "I can't take any more of this," he jumps out of bed, pulls on his clothes and heads downstairs and out the back door. Five minutes later he's back in bed and the dog is still barking, his wife asks "what did you do Paddy" and Paddy replied, "I've put the dog in our garden, let's see how them feckers next door like it."
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I would only add that if you can try and see one in action before you buy one, most seem to like them but some of us don't, far too tight a beam for me and find it hard to spot at times unless the grass is cropped.
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This is the lurcher section, that might be the reason. Excuse me Mr Pedantic. How many shooters come on THL site in general and bump their gums about 100+ nights? Ouch. Think it might already have been said but just because they don't come on here bumming about it doesn't mean it's not being done. I know a few that shoot big numbers, especially at the start of the season just after the harvest, one does it with an air rifle. It really isn't difficult, that's possibly the reason it's nothing to brag about.
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At primary school Tommy and Mary sit next to each other at the back of the classroom,every now and then Tommy slips his hand up Mary's skirt. Mary complains so the teacher has a word with Tommy,but he continues to do it.The teacher asks Tommy's parents up to the school and explains the situation to them.Tommy's parents assure the teacher that they will put a stop to it. When they get home tommy is asked what he has been doing to Mary at school"I've been trying to touch her front bum"Tommy explains innocently. "I wouldn't do that"said Tommy's parents"It's got teeth,It will bite your fin
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Teacher to her class; If you have got 10 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one , how many have you got left ? Tommy shoots his arm up in the air, miss, miss you would have none because as soon as you shoot the gun they would all fly away. Teacher; No Tommy the answer is 9, but I like the way you think. Tommy calls out to his teacher Miss I have got a question for you. Go on then Tommy says the teacher, fire away. Tommy; Miss if you have got 3 birds (women) sat on a bench all eating a ice cream and one is gently and slowly licking at the sides, one is gobbling it down f
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I walked into the bedroom my wife was asleep with a pen in her pussy and a completed crossword in her hand , I thought what a clever c.nt !!!
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snow is like a cock, its measured in inches, soft to touch, cums when you least expect it and it never gets as deep as you,d like it , driving in the snow is like eating pussy, if you dont slow down & pay attention you could slide into the asshole in front of you ! be careful this winter ! .................................................................................................... while cooking today i got some herbs in my eye... i,m now parsley sighted !.. ............................................................................................... paddy told the
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One day a cat was sitting hungry by a river when a small chipalata sausage came floating past....the cat reached out with his paw and got the chipalata and only got two toes wet. The cat was happy! The next day the cat was equally as hungry when a larger sausage came floating past in the river, the cat dipped its paw in to get the sausage and got it but got a wet foot for it's troubles. The next day the cat was still hungry when a massive frankfurter came floating down..the cat dipped his paw in to get it but fell in! However the cat retrieved the sausage and was happy. The moral or the
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a bloke sees an advert in his local petshop ,talking centipede 500 so he buys it and takes it home in a small box.after about 30 mins he opens the box and says would you like to go for a pint.the centipede doesnt answer.raising his voice he repeats the question.still no reply.getting angry,thinking hes been done he shouts the question loudly.at which the centipede sticks his head out of the box and says i heard you the 1st time,im putting my fxxxxxg shoes on
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a homosexual from Khartoum took a lesbian up to his room they argued all night as to who had the right to do what and with what and to whom
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A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look a
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A young bull and an old bull are up on hill, down below in the meadow there is a field full of cows, the young bull says to the old bull, c'mon we'll run doon there an shag a couple o cows, the old bull ,said ,no no son we'll just walk doon an shag them all......
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Two rabbits escape from a research laboratory and find themselves in a field full of carrots, The rabbits cannot believe their luck and they begin eating until they fall asleep. The next day the young rabbit says to the old rabbit " I think it's time to head back to the lab". The old rabbit suggests they see whats in the next field, They find an entire field of cabbages and begin eating. The next day the young rabbit asks to go back to the lab, The old rabbit suggests seeing what is in the other field and once they crawl under the fence they find an entire field full of female r
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Parked the motor in a disabled parking bay the other day. Traffic warden shouted "Oi what's your disability" ? I said "Tourettes so f.uck off ya c.unt"
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A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.' This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.' 'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my Gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence!' said t
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what did the dwarf get when he walked between a naked womens legs?................. . A clit on the ear and a two flaps across the face.
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A class of kids are getting sewing lessons at primary school and Billy accidently sticks the needle into his finger so the teacher cleans the blood before asking Billy if he'd like a plaster for it. Billy says "no miss but could I have a cider"? The teacher looks confused and asks "why do you want a cider Billy"? "Well" said Billy, "I was walking past my older sisters room last night and I heard her saying to her friend that every time she has a prick in her hand she puts it inside her".
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A teacher in primary school says to the class, "today boys and girls we're going to see how many different breeds of dogs you can name, who would like to go first"? Sarah puts her hand up and says "collie, miss", "yes Sarah that's a popular breed of dog, well done." replies the teacher. Bobby goes next and says, "a pug, miss" "another good one, well done Bobby." says the teacher. Jenny pipes up, "how about a greyhound, miss"? "good one Jenny, they're used for racing," said the teacher. The teacher goes through the class and the kids answer in turn, Terrier, Doberman, whip
