smithie
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Everything posted by smithie
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I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it! It has been determined that the most used sexual position by married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
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I was driving to work this morning when I saw an R.A.C van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
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Self employed pest control
smithie replied to thefensarefarbutistillgo's topic in Snaring, Trapping & Pest Control
You could get cards printed and advertise on facebook now and fill your weekends with your own customers so you have a start if you decide to go it alone at a later date -
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak
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Have you heard about the midget Klan member? He was a little racist. Why do midgets wear short dresses? So they can show off a little leg. I'll tell you what I know about midgets... Very little
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I got into a car accident with a midget... He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!" "Well," I replied, "which one are you?"
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Wrong thread ?
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D is a plastic pasty.. That's my northern take on it.. ?
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I have a headache The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"
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I got a dog off the blacksmith. As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.
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It seams everybody has there hand in your pocket these days
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There are no rules you can use what you want. I am normally only after rabbit at night and I prefer 4z. A lot of ferrets have quickset and some have a stronger net.
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Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Sir Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven! Teacher: Where the **** do you get seven from? Johnny:
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Nelson's nets does 4z rabbit net and he will sell In a basket, with poles or to use as traditional. I dont think he does 6z, I know he did not at 1 point. Master hunter does 6z and not 4z. Rabbit and hare are different mesh sizes and although I have Intentionally caught hare In 4z you cant beet having the right tool for the job. Are you after a longnet or a quickset? I ask because with a traditional 4z long net you can move the bagging to catch the odd hare but with a quickset it wont be so easy thus imo making it harder to ball up so you want correct mesh for a hare. But th
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about thr
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That made me chuckle
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An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies that the Irish guy's wearing. She says to him: "Scuse me mate, I ain't bein fannny or naffink, But why doz one of your wellies ave an L on it, and the uva one's got an R on it?" So, the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies: "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot." "Cor, blimey!" exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."
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Two parrots are sitting on a perch and one says to the other, 'Can you smell fish?'
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I started cutting my own when lockdown hit and I'll be doing it all the time now.. Sure they wont miss my fiver lol
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I have a friend who's a pilot for EasyJet, but because of this lockdown, he's off work, So l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end, and he jumped at the chance. l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.
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rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?' The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves. The next night, the pub is packed. In walks
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had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
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I never seen them but if they are new I would try them.. fook to wearing boots some scruffy pants had his sweaty feet in..
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They making your self some saffron rice to go with your curry... I dont cook I only eat so I cant tell you how lol
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I just tamp bottom down.. but not overly hard
